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Thoughts on AF wine and beer

Old 08-26-2019, 08:35 PM
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Recently I tried alcohol removed wine and quite enjoyed it. I found myself drinking a glass everyday after work, I also found myself getting hooked on that ritual again even without the alcohol. So when the real stress came I went for the alcohol bottle as that pull for that glass was there already, like someone said earlier that door was already cracked and I just kicked it in..
I wouldn't risk NA beer and wine. Try find a drink you really enjoy that isn't the above mentioned, don't risk your sobriety as I am now back on day 3 after getting to 69 days and then giving in from that NA wine...
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Old 08-26-2019, 08:43 PM
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I wouldn’t cancel as that’s unfair on your family.
Maybe...but I never stopped to think how unfair it was for me to expect friends and family to scoop me up of the floor at the end of an evening and pour me into a taxi,. or them having to put up with drunken rants or inappropriate or embarrassing blackout behaviour for years upon years

not going on a holiday to protect my recovery seems a way lesser letdown to me?

D
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Old 08-26-2019, 09:02 PM
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I had to go to a wedding out of state for 6 days when I was about 75 days into my sobriety. Not going was not an option. Many people in my family are huge drinkers. I knew it was going to be drinking from around noon until late evening everyday.

I did not drink NA beer. I decided NA beer would not be good for my sobriety early on. I did take many precautions.

1) I had my own hotel room I could retreat to anytime I needed to get away.

2) I posted to SR at least 10 times during the trip.

3) I talked to my wife on the phone anytime I needed someone to talk to.

4) I drank more soda than I care to admit.

5) I told myself over and over that I would not drink no matter what. I could handle having a miserable time if that's what it came down too. I could not handle having a drink.

Fortunately, I did not have a miserable time. Sure, there were a number of times when I was very tempted to drink, but I knew 100% I was not going to give in to that temptation. Overall, I enjoyed the trip and felt so much stronger in my sobriety when it was over.
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Old 08-27-2019, 01:17 AM
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Thanks for all of your replies

I don't want to cancel the holiday. It's all paid for, flights, villa, car etc and my husband needs a holiday as he works 6 days a week and 12 hour shifts so a lot of hours. He's self employed so doesn't take much time off work.

He has suggested if it gets tough we can check in to alternative accomadation a few nights.
They know I no longer drink and the reasons why.
We go for walks usually and pop into a bar on the way back. They never join us even though we always offer as they can't see the point in walking to pay for a drink when there's plenty at the villa!!

Hubby said we can go a walk every afternoon for a couple of hours to a local beach etc.

Following your replies I'm NOT going to try alcohol free wine as I can't and don't want to risk getting back on that slide
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Old 08-27-2019, 06:16 AM
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Pinky,
You seem to have lots of plans for this trip that looks very promising in general: friends/walks/a supportive husband holding your hand on your project to stay sober, etc. You would have not planned it with this care if you were planning to drink.

However, you see the 'situation' as dangerous for you. I have only been dry for 50+ days, so take whatever I say within that context. I will start by saying that I have not seen any social event as particularly dangerous because I used to hide to do 90% of my drinking. Being alone is much more dangerous. To be with a group of friends who know I am not drinking (even more knowing the reasons) and my husband would carry zero risk to me.

Therefore, you and I are different.

From that perspective, I must go against the general consensus here. AF beer has been a life-saver for me during social situations I associated with large consumption of alcohol. I decided to enjoy a summer festival I have attended with the same friends since I was 14 years old. More than 3 decades doing the same thing for 3 or 4 days. I like those friends. I can only see them once a year because I live abroad. I have seen their first kiss, their family growing, I dearly love them.

I did not tell them I had an alcohol problem. Just told them this year I was AF and to buy some AF beer for me. I have NEVER noticed that several more from the group (mainly partners) don't drink either. They were a bit suprised I never noticed there is always a range of non-alcoholic drinks including AF beer.

I have truly enjoyed siting around a table sharing a beer. I was not pretending to drink. Everybody knew it was AF. But there is a social element in sharing drinks and food that was felt closer to me this way.

I have not decided to start a new 'ritual' with AF beer or anything. It is a source of empty calories and cost money. A massive benefit of quitting alcohol is associated to not drinking needless calories and spending much more. I am not getting drunk so I keep an eye on how many calories and money this cost and there is no way I am going to replace a bottle of wine with 10 becks blue or whatever number is the equivalent in terms of calories and money.

I have also tried Mocktails I never had before and that were delicious and healthy. Arguably, any combination of juices/non-alcoholic drinks is the equivalent to a cocktail. I have drank tones of gazpacho in summer (spanish combination of tomato juice/pepper/olive oil). I guess others can associate gazpacho or any tomato juice with Bloody Maries.

All massive message to say that you must make your decision. If a situation/external factors are a trigger, I would not risk anything. If I decided to try an AF beer I would do it first at home, but I would not put that much importance on a particular category of non-alcoholic drink anyway.

It can be another tool in your toolbox or a trigger. I think it is pretty easy to work out which one.

Enjoy your reunion.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:25 AM
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Good post, backandscared. Well done on 50 days. Whatever it takes works,

I did say above it’s a controversial topic. When I drank real beer, no way on earth would I have just one can. I’d have four every day. But I can drink one can of alcohol free every few days and that’s it. I enjoy the taste. In my case, where is the similarity between my earlier drinking and my one or two cans a week of alco free?

But that’s my situation. The important thing for all of us is to steer clear of the real stuff however that’s achieved.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:40 AM
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How about not going, then taking the money you would have spent and taking your daughters on a trip to re bond?
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by BackandScared View Post
...I have NEVER noticed that several more from the group (mainly partners) don't drink either. They were a bit suprised I never noticed there is always a range of non-alcoholic drinks including AF beer.
...
Too funny. When I drank I thought everyone drank. When I quit I was astonished to find out most people could give a flying rat's behind about drinking one way or another! And they really could have cared less about whether or not I drank even if they happened to notice!
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:02 AM
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Just for the record, non-alcoholic drinks are not without alcohol...here in the United States at least, the alcohol content can be as high as 0.5% and still qualify as "non" alcohol. It isn't a lot, I know, and may or may not be dangerous, but it goes directly into your bloodstream and personally I've never thought it could be worth it.

Just my not-so-humble opinion!
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:13 AM
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Originally Posted by ColoradoRocky View Post
Just for the record, non-alcoholic drinks are not without alcohol...here in the United States at least, the alcohol content can be as high as 0.5% and still qualify as "non" alcohol. It isn't a lot, I know, and may or may not be dangerous, but it goes directly into your bloodstream and personally I've never thought it could be worth it.

Just my not-so-humble opinion!
I have only drank AF with less than 0.05% alcohol. I understand 0.5% is the alcohol content of some fruits that I will definitely not stop eating. However, I have not tried the 0.5% variety. I have used them as another variety of non-alcoholic drinks I am tasting now that I have this wide range of fruit juices/mocktails/sodas I have never tried before.

As I said they are not a trigger for me. I see no point in drinking more than 1 or 2 non-alcoholic drinks, on sporadic occasions, even if they tend to cost less and have less calories than alcohol. My sober mind will not spend a ridiculous amount of money on this.
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Old 08-27-2019, 08:31 AM
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Valid point at the end. Whilst AF drinks contain more sugar than real beer, although far less than fizzy sweet drinks or fruit juice, they contain far fewer calories than their alcohol equivalents.

Opinion is clearly divided. Some are ok with AF and others want to avoid it. That’s fine. I’m a little perturbed, though, when the alcohol content (my brand is 0.05 maximum) is exaggerated or the sugar levels or calories are wrongly stated.
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Old 08-27-2019, 03:47 PM
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Pinky1 - it is great that you have a supportive husband. I know it is on us but at the same time it is nice to have that.

I am also going on holiday with my husband in less than 2 weeks with drinking friends, they are our best buddies but we have historically done a lot of alcohol-related stuff together. We are staying 4 of us in a small cottage.

I plan to take time out, do plenty of stuff on my own with husband, eat cream teas, walk etc. I am practising saying over and over 'i don't drink thanks' so it becomes an auto-response. I know my friends well enough to know that they will try and persuade me to go fine dining with wine flights, craft beer places and all sorts of other pretentious alcohol nonsense. I know this because this is what the 4 of us have done together for years.

Not that they are bad people. I just haven't been honest with them the way you have with your friends so they don't quite understand why 'we are not having the fun we used to'. But for me, this is more fun and I am happier.

My husband is supportive like yours and I think it is going to be alright. Every day 'I don't drink, thanks' is easier and am growing more relaxed.

We will be ok. I am going to believe that.

Sohard encouraged me to flip it when I was anxious about this upcoming holiday a month ago;

"Lucinda, I had big hurdle to jump (like your 10 day trip) very early in my sobriety. Rather than think of it as a doom’s day, try flipping it in your head. It’s awesome you have such a challenge, because if you can get through that, you know you can get through anything. So, in just six weeks and 10 days, you’re in clear waters!"
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Old 08-27-2019, 03:54 PM
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You never know Lucinda... As ColoradoR said earlier, we underestimate what others think about drinking. I was ready for all kind of questions and answers about my drinking this summer festival. We are a group of over 20 persons. Three of them are really close to me. I did not get a single direct question. Each time they asked what I wanted I answered: AF beer, coffee, Coke, etc. Nobody was bothered. Those who were drunk because they were only thinking about their own drinks. And those who weren't because they were not really drinking either. so not drinking was normal to them.

Instead of 'I don't drink' perhaps you can answer everytime: I would prefer 'x' drink now (lemonade, sparkling water, virgin mojito, tonic water, orange juice, etc). Or 'I am fine now'.

Nobody asked anything about me not drinking. As it became apparent, many have stopped drinking altogether for whatever reasons. If I did not notice (and I didn't) why would others?)
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Old 08-27-2019, 04:26 PM
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Hi BackandScared,
I think in general you are absolutely spot on. I went to a wedding during a sober spell last year and was surprised to notice how many people raised their champagne glass in a toast to the bride and groom and then put it down again untouched. Those glasses remained untouched too.

These particular friends are different though. They are disappointed that our relationship has changed, we have spent years doing alcohol-related activities together and they do apply some pressure. It is okay though. I know that eventually, they will get used to it. So in this instance, the 'I don't drink, thanks' mantra is a reminder to me and them that there is a shift. Every time they suggest something like we go to a fancy restaurant with wine flights I remind them 'I don't drink thanks'. I still go out for meals but fancy places with wine flights is a step too far and that is a no from me. Their disappointment is their issue. They will get past it, bless them.

But generally speaking I think you are right - there is no need to be telling anyone anything.
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:59 AM
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I was projecting Lucinda. Obviously you know your friends. I hope they get used to the new fabulous sober you soon. I have never been the kind of person inciting others to drink. I loved alcohol too much. I saw it as a limited resource. The less people drinking, more left for me.

My next 'project' is to join groups of people who don't have drinking as the main focus of their lives. Probably a running club or similar. Volunteer around voluntary community runs. The moment you stop drinking it is just amazing how you finally realise that the majority of people don't normally drink. There is therefore a huge social life to discover out there and I am going to try my best
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Old 08-28-2019, 07:41 AM
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Originally Posted by BackandScared View Post
I hope they get used to the new fabulous sober you soon.
Thank you!

Good luck with your new adventures making new friends and activities. Sounds good.
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:58 AM
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Seconded on the running club idea. That’s one thing I’ve done since I lost a load of weight and stopped drinking. I’m not saying my team mates are teetotal, but some may have one occasional drink and leave it at that.

Up until 20 months ago, I was an obese (BMI 32) slob drinking a bottle of wine a night. Now 50lbs lighter, I had to laugh last weekend. I entered a 5Km run overseas. I’m training for a triathlon so a 5Km run isn’t so tricky. But this event was more of a fun run, and the majority of the 3000 entrants would get round by jogging and walking. Only a handful of younger runners and me (recently 50) took it anywhere near seriously and “sped” off at the front. I felt like a real runner being in the “elite” group 😀 and finished in the top 20 although my time of 25 minutes wouldn’t see me near the front of a real race.

OK, I’m under no illusions I’m a great runner, but I wouldn’t be a runner at all on a bottle of wine a night. So many things are possible when sober. Go for it.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:09 AM
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Congratulations Hodd on so many achievements! 50 pounds is a hell of a lot. 25 minutes at 50 is a fantastic time too as demonstrated by your position in that race.

I am building up slowly on my runs. One thing I am training the most with this quitting alcohol decision is patience. It seems everything is far away right now, because i want it NOW. But I need to do my time. I need to go through the first months of sobriety if I want to get to a life-time of it.

And I need to build up on my energy and fitness at a rationale pace if I want to keep up with it. I am not getting any younger so I will not be running 1 km under 3 minutes (my goal at 16...haha). Now I just want to run 10% more every week. I started at 5 minutes 3 weeks after stopping the alcohol. When I can run a full hour again, I will join the runs and adventure myself for short speed sessions/hills and who knows, perhaps a new group of friends.

Sorry for derailing your thread Pinky
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Old 08-28-2019, 11:00 AM
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Any running is great. I knew another person in that “race” who did the 5Km in 40 minutes, and that was the first time they’d even run that far. For me, that’s a far greater achievement than my effort. Your weekly increase is plenty doable. Just get any aches and pains checked if they persist for a few days. I had very painful shins aka shin splints and was diagnosed with very flat feet and had special supportive insoles made - problem fixed. I also had knee pain which was from another exercise (squatting) incorrectly. The physio who sorted that told me the biggest cause of aches or injuries was people trying to increase activity too quickly. Keep it up, and you’ll be thinking 25 for 5km is very average 😀
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Old 08-28-2019, 11:01 AM
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Originally Posted by BackandScared View Post
The moment you stop drinking it is just amazing how you finally realise that the majority of people don't normally drink.
It's so true! Normal people seem to have a normal time to have dinner, say, rather than a normal time to start drinking. Madness I thought! Until I quit myself...
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