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Good morning!
All good here, it took me 20 000 steps yesterday to snap me out of it - the dog loves his new extra time outside. After that went food shopping and stocked up on ginger beer which I quite like to have a glass of now in the evenings as opposed to alcohol.
I am trying to eat somewhat healthy although my diet has never really been my issue, just the bloody drink. But can definitely notice how easily I reach for sugary snacks now, so stocked up on some fruit too.
I feel full of victory today but got to be careful not to become too cocky, I think a little fear over my own control of the situation can go a long way to keep me on top of it.
Dried to have a chat with my friend over this as felt frustration she again invited me to the pub. I did it really nicely but told her not to do so ever again. I believe she has a substance abuse issue of her own so think there is an amount of annoyance from her behalf and maybe a bit of sadness that she is losing a drinking buddy. She will get over it.
All good here, it took me 20 000 steps yesterday to snap me out of it - the dog loves his new extra time outside. After that went food shopping and stocked up on ginger beer which I quite like to have a glass of now in the evenings as opposed to alcohol.
I am trying to eat somewhat healthy although my diet has never really been my issue, just the bloody drink. But can definitely notice how easily I reach for sugary snacks now, so stocked up on some fruit too.
I feel full of victory today but got to be careful not to become too cocky, I think a little fear over my own control of the situation can go a long way to keep me on top of it.
Dried to have a chat with my friend over this as felt frustration she again invited me to the pub. I did it really nicely but told her not to do so ever again. I believe she has a substance abuse issue of her own so think there is an amount of annoyance from her behalf and maybe a bit of sadness that she is losing a drinking buddy. She will get over it.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
She will get over it, indeed.
It's time to be selfish right now; protecting your own sober state is The Most Important Thing on your list and needs to remain in that position.
That's a hard thing for lots of us to grasp, but I whole-heartedly believe it to be true.
O
It's time to be selfish right now; protecting your own sober state is The Most Important Thing on your list and needs to remain in that position.
That's a hard thing for lots of us to grasp, but I whole-heartedly believe it to be true.
O
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 51
Yes I completely agree Obladi. Few years back I would have struggled comprehending that it is ok to set boundaries, now not so much although I am still a little bit of a people pleaser and don't wish to upset anyone.
Today, I have been so pissed off with myself. How does supposedly intelligent person drive themselves to this point. I have been cleaning the house manically, head ache is back, I am sweating. I have been really disappointed with myself, why have I done this to myself?
I am scared of the loneliness. I don't have many good friends here where I currently live and the few that I would call good friends happen to be big drinkers themselves. I am afraid of isolating myself here in the house and feeling completely alone. My family lives in another country and due to COVID who knows when I get to see them. I have seen them so rarely over the last few years that they wouldn't have a clue what is really going on with me, it's really easy keep up the appearances over the phone.
Today, I have been so pissed off with myself. How does supposedly intelligent person drive themselves to this point. I have been cleaning the house manically, head ache is back, I am sweating. I have been really disappointed with myself, why have I done this to myself?
I am scared of the loneliness. I don't have many good friends here where I currently live and the few that I would call good friends happen to be big drinkers themselves. I am afraid of isolating myself here in the house and feeling completely alone. My family lives in another country and due to COVID who knows when I get to see them. I have seen them so rarely over the last few years that they wouldn't have a clue what is really going on with me, it's really easy keep up the appearances over the phone.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
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Feeling really sad today. Unsure where this sadness stems from. But it’s ok, at least I don’t need to be loathing myself for having drank on top of it.
Walking & yoga on cards for the day . Tried to work on my project this morning but I am just too distracted and have difficulty to concentrate.
I ordered a new book a while back, maybe I’ll finally start reading it. I love a good book, if anyone has some personal favourites I am open for suggestions.
Been contemplating on deleting all my social media accounts.
Walking & yoga on cards for the day . Tried to work on my project this morning but I am just too distracted and have difficulty to concentrate.
I ordered a new book a while back, maybe I’ll finally start reading it. I love a good book, if anyone has some personal favourites I am open for suggestions.
Been contemplating on deleting all my social media accounts.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
fletchling, you sound right on track, but I do worry about the mania. One of the most important things I learned over the last seven months was to just sit with it and do nothing. "It" being that terrible unbearable comfortableness of being with myself and my feelings. For me, that was one key to this whole deal of being sober - notice it, live with it, don't react to it, don't judge it. I'm the kind of person who seems to "need" to think things through to the bottom, so I spent that (spend that) "sitting with it" time working out what the feelings were and where in my lifetime I'd picked up these thinking patterns. Most folks say they do better with distraction and I respect that. But please do consider giving yourself a break - feelings won't kill you. I promise.
What about AA meetings; did we talk about those?
I've found some good local meetings that are on Zoom, and am building connections there. It's a slow road for me (trust issues), but it's building a foundation for when we will be able to actually meet in person.
In any event, be gentle with yourself.
Not indulgent, gentle.
O
What about AA meetings; did we talk about those?
I've found some good local meetings that are on Zoom, and am building connections there. It's a slow road for me (trust issues), but it's building a foundation for when we will be able to actually meet in person.
In any event, be gentle with yourself.
Not indulgent, gentle.
O
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by Obladi 
fletchling, you sound right on track, but I do worry about the mania. One of the most important things I learned over the last seven months was to just sit with it and do nothing. "It" being that terrible unbearable comfortableness of being with myself and my feelings. For me, that was one key to this whole deal of being sober - notice it, live with it, don't react to it, don't judge it. I'm the kind of person who seems to "need" to think things through to the bottom, so I spent that (spend that) "sitting with it" time working out what the feelings were and where in my lifetime I'd picked up these thinking patterns. Most folks say they do better with distraction and I respect that. But please do consider giving yourself a break - feelings won't kill you. I promise.
What about AA meetings; did we talk about those?
I've found some good local meetings that are on Zoom, and am building connections there. It's a slow road for me (trust issues), but it's building a foundation for when we will be able to actually meet in person.
In any event, be gentle with yourself.
Not indulgent, gentle.
O
What about AA meetings; did we talk about those?
I've found some good local meetings that are on Zoom, and am building connections there. It's a slow road for me (trust issues), but it's building a foundation for when we will be able to actually meet in person.
In any event, be gentle with yourself.
Not indulgent, gentle.
O
I feel somewhat shy about AA but I will definitely give it a good think.I am also thinking of counselling, I think it would be of great help for finally addressing some issues that I need to sort out if I want to be successful in my sobriety.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
No worries, fletch. We all have to be true to our individual selves. I love that the AA chip for sobriety time includes the advice, "To thine own self be true."
Now is the absolute best time to give AA a try as so many of the meetings are on Zoom. You can start with a meeting at the site "intherooms;" those are well-done and it's quite easy to get lost in the crowd and just absorb. But I really do prefer local meetings because being in a room with 100+ people just doesn't "do it" for me - too easy for me to slip into a mode that's almost like using the meeting as background noise, as if I'll "get it" by osmosis. In the local meetings, it's generally one dozen to maybe three dozen people and the attendees are somewhat consistent. That's more meaningful to me.
The reason I say it's the perfect time is because you can sort of gradually reveal yourself as you are comfortable on Zoom. When you log in, you can choose any name for yourself that you wish, you can choose to show your face or not, and of course just like in an in-person meeting you can say you prefer to listen today if you happen to get called on.
Counseling is a great idea, too. Just choose carefully. Just because a person is credentialed as a therapist doesn't mean they are going to be able to work well with just anybody. Everyone that I've worked with has offered a free introductory session - that's time you can use to figure out if your relationship might work. Sort of like... you are interviewing them for the job. Or actually, exactly like that.
O
Now is the absolute best time to give AA a try as so many of the meetings are on Zoom. You can start with a meeting at the site "intherooms;" those are well-done and it's quite easy to get lost in the crowd and just absorb. But I really do prefer local meetings because being in a room with 100+ people just doesn't "do it" for me - too easy for me to slip into a mode that's almost like using the meeting as background noise, as if I'll "get it" by osmosis. In the local meetings, it's generally one dozen to maybe three dozen people and the attendees are somewhat consistent. That's more meaningful to me.
The reason I say it's the perfect time is because you can sort of gradually reveal yourself as you are comfortable on Zoom. When you log in, you can choose any name for yourself that you wish, you can choose to show your face or not, and of course just like in an in-person meeting you can say you prefer to listen today if you happen to get called on.
Counseling is a great idea, too. Just choose carefully. Just because a person is credentialed as a therapist doesn't mean they are going to be able to work well with just anybody. Everyone that I've worked with has offered a free introductory session - that's time you can use to figure out if your relationship might work. Sort of like... you are interviewing them for the job. Or actually, exactly like that.
O
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Join Date: Aug 2019
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Just checking in. Past three week mark, I feel relieved. I haven’t been sober for this long for a year so definitely a small achievement.
Thanks for your good advice and support O, I looked for some AA groups online after your message (you’re absolutely right now is a good time I didn’t even realise that to begin with). But I got overwhelmed and haven’t given it a second thought then.
Escaped from the city for a weekend, a small holiday cottage in the country side. First time ever “holiday” with no intention on drinking. I just needed to get out from the city and at least here I can really challenge myself with exercise and as a bonus plenty wildlife to be spotted which I love.
My activity levels are definitely up. I have walked/ran more or less 10 miles each day this month, my body feels good and well hydrated. I could learn to really love this new way of living.
I am incredibly grumpy though, my poor partner often in the receiving end of it, he must really love me a lot to put up with this.
Have a good weekend you all
Thanks for your good advice and support O, I looked for some AA groups online after your message (you’re absolutely right now is a good time I didn’t even realise that to begin with). But I got overwhelmed and haven’t given it a second thought then.
Escaped from the city for a weekend, a small holiday cottage in the country side. First time ever “holiday” with no intention on drinking. I just needed to get out from the city and at least here I can really challenge myself with exercise and as a bonus plenty wildlife to be spotted which I love.
My activity levels are definitely up. I have walked/ran more or less 10 miles each day this month, my body feels good and well hydrated. I could learn to really love this new way of living.
I am incredibly grumpy though, my poor partner often in the receiving end of it, he must really love me a lot to put up with this.
Have a good weekend you all
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 51
Approaching my fourth week of sobriety. The voice is whispering to me, telling that I have my drinking under control, I am not an alcoholic after all I have just set poor boundaries to myself in the past. Well everybody knows, this isn't true. I listen to this voice in my head for a while, and then I tell it no, you are a liar. It throws a tantrum and after 15 minutes of screaming it loses it's voice and I can get on with what ever I was doing.
Some days I am super irritable and really sensitive to noises, materials, bright lights. I struggle to concentrate on my work, I am moody and not very nice to be around. Other days I am filled with emotions; sadness followed by happiness and gratitude. In the irritable days there is no emotion, just irritability. There is a small fear - is this the sober me? Am I a horrible person or is this just a phase.
Some days I am super irritable and really sensitive to noises, materials, bright lights. I struggle to concentrate on my work, I am moody and not very nice to be around. Other days I am filled with emotions; sadness followed by happiness and gratitude. In the irritable days there is no emotion, just irritability. There is a small fear - is this the sober me? Am I a horrible person or is this just a phase.
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Again, fantasising about having a drink. So decided to log in here instead. I think it’s a bit lonely place to find yourself at age 27 and have an addiction of the sort, I reckon there will be more people of my age with exactly the same issue but I wonder does it take longer for some to realise, maybe, maybe not and maybe not everyone else who drinks is an alcoholic which is a concept I struggle to grasp a bit. Well maybe not, I have several prescription meds in the cupboard including ones that I guess I would have gobbled down long ago if I had a taste for those but since I don’t I can take it or leave it, which is not something I can do with alcohol.
Been reading today, reading is good. But I can’t help but feel a bit dull. 2nd week of sobriety I was very joyous and proud of myself, those feelings have faded and I just feel empty. Keep telling myself I got this.
Been reading today, reading is good. But I can’t help but feel a bit dull. 2nd week of sobriety I was very joyous and proud of myself, those feelings have faded and I just feel empty. Keep telling myself I got this.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
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Not much to say or report. Life is pretty balanced, normal and boring. God my life is boring, maybe I am just a boring person.
Almost a month sober. I still have to talk myself over every day not to have a drink. I don't think I am any happier but I am definitely healthier. I notice small things in life that I used to ignore in the drinking days. It is a bit like someone has opened a curtain to allow me to see out. I notice things like smells, colours, lights, the moon, difference in the air as its turning into autumn... Sensory pleasures, small things to be grateful for.
I struggle with my body image a lot, somehow I was a bit deluded to think that once I stopped drinking the weight would just fall off but this certainly hasn't been the case. Need to pay more attention to my diet and quality of exercise. It is hard for me not to obsess. Got to be careful with this so I do not substitute drinking for another type of addiction.
Almost a month sober. I still have to talk myself over every day not to have a drink. I don't think I am any happier but I am definitely healthier. I notice small things in life that I used to ignore in the drinking days. It is a bit like someone has opened a curtain to allow me to see out. I notice things like smells, colours, lights, the moon, difference in the air as its turning into autumn... Sensory pleasures, small things to be grateful for.
I struggle with my body image a lot, somehow I was a bit deluded to think that once I stopped drinking the weight would just fall off but this certainly hasn't been the case. Need to pay more attention to my diet and quality of exercise. It is hard for me not to obsess. Got to be careful with this so I do not substitute drinking for another type of addiction.
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Location: Baltimore, Maryland
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fletch, are you reading? I mean are you reading things like recovery literature? That helped me. How about meetings? I don't know where you are time zone - wise, but I'm happy to send you a meeting link or two that are comfortable for me, just for starters. Just PM me if you'd like to take me up on the offer or need reassurance about Zoom; it really is very easy to use, but I understand if you have first-time jitters about either thing.
Normal and boring is ok for now. Stability is pretty boring for those of us who've lived alcoholic lives, at least for starters. How about routine? Do you have a daily routine so that you know essentially what you are doing each time of day? That is admittedly boring, but it really helps me a lot.
If you are engaging with your addiction every day, that's something you can definitely work on. Have you read the Rational Recovery book? That's a pretty good way to understand your addictive voice and why it's important to know it, identify it, and dismiss it all at the same time. Learning about that approach is what led me to my response when Addiction speaks up in my head. I simply say, "Yeah but I don't drink Now." Since it's always Now, it always works. Early on, I had to sort of sit through that, but I don't think it ever lasted for very long - it actually helped me to move past the urge and figure out what was really bothering me.
You're doing good. It's good that you realize transferring your compulsion to a different behavior is not such a great idea. Be nice to yourself and be patient. My sponsor reminded me several times to remember I was in recovery. What does that mean to you? To me, it means, beware of heavy lifting and try not to set out on any marathon runs.
O
Normal and boring is ok for now. Stability is pretty boring for those of us who've lived alcoholic lives, at least for starters. How about routine? Do you have a daily routine so that you know essentially what you are doing each time of day? That is admittedly boring, but it really helps me a lot.
If you are engaging with your addiction every day, that's something you can definitely work on. Have you read the Rational Recovery book? That's a pretty good way to understand your addictive voice and why it's important to know it, identify it, and dismiss it all at the same time. Learning about that approach is what led me to my response when Addiction speaks up in my head. I simply say, "Yeah but I don't drink Now." Since it's always Now, it always works. Early on, I had to sort of sit through that, but I don't think it ever lasted for very long - it actually helped me to move past the urge and figure out what was really bothering me.
You're doing good. It's good that you realize transferring your compulsion to a different behavior is not such a great idea. Be nice to yourself and be patient. My sponsor reminded me several times to remember I was in recovery. What does that mean to you? To me, it means, beware of heavy lifting and try not to set out on any marathon runs.
O
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Originally Posted by Obladi
fletch, are you reading? I mean are you reading things like recovery literature? That helped me. How about meetings? I don't know where you are time zone - wise, but I'm happy to send you a meeting link or two that are comfortable for me, just for starters. Just PM me if you'd like to take me up on the offer or need reassurance about Zoom; it really is very easy to use, but I understand if you have first-time jitters about either thing.
Normal and boring is ok for now. Stability is pretty boring for those of us who've lived alcoholic lives, at least for starters. How about routine? Do you have a daily routine so that you know essentially what you are doing each time of day? That is admittedly boring, but it really helps me a lot.
If you are engaging with your addiction every day, that's something you can definitely work on. Have you read the Rational Recovery book? That's a pretty good way to understand your addictive voice and why it's important to know it, identify it, and dismiss it all at the same time. Learning about that approach is what led me to my response when Addiction speaks up in my head. I simply say, "Yeah but I don't drink Now." Since it's always Now, it always works. Early on, I had to sort of sit through that, but I don't think it ever lasted for very long - it actually helped me to move past the urge and figure out what was really bothering me.
You're doing good. It's good that you realize transferring your compulsion to a different behavior is not such a great idea. Be nice to yourself and be patient. My sponsor reminded me several times to remember I was in recovery. What does that mean to you? To me, it means, beware of heavy lifting and try not to set out on any marathon runs.
O
Normal and boring is ok for now. Stability is pretty boring for those of us who've lived alcoholic lives, at least for starters. How about routine? Do you have a daily routine so that you know essentially what you are doing each time of day? That is admittedly boring, but it really helps me a lot.
If you are engaging with your addiction every day, that's something you can definitely work on. Have you read the Rational Recovery book? That's a pretty good way to understand your addictive voice and why it's important to know it, identify it, and dismiss it all at the same time. Learning about that approach is what led me to my response when Addiction speaks up in my head. I simply say, "Yeah but I don't drink Now." Since it's always Now, it always works. Early on, I had to sort of sit through that, but I don't think it ever lasted for very long - it actually helped me to move past the urge and figure out what was really bothering me.
You're doing good. It's good that you realize transferring your compulsion to a different behavior is not such a great idea. Be nice to yourself and be patient. My sponsor reminded me several times to remember I was in recovery. What does that mean to you? To me, it means, beware of heavy lifting and try not to set out on any marathon runs.
O
What comes to reading, no I haven't read any recovery material just fantasy and fictional novels really. Thank you for the recommendation, I think I found that book on amazon, might order it and give it a read. I have however listened to some recovery podcasts which I have enjoyed and found helpful.
Also I think you are absolutely right, normal and boring is indeed ok for now. I am starting a few week work assignment which requires me to be on site for 3 weeks or so, this should keep me busy and also add to my routine. I haven't really managed to maintain a routine as such just being at home but I will definitely make plans and stick to stick to one better.
I had a weird dream last night. I was in a restaurant and was offered a drink by my mother. I declined but she ordered me one anyway, I felt like I didn't have a choice but to drink it. And for the rest of the dream I was utterly disappointed with myself. The feeling was so real, and shall work as a reminder exactly like you said O, always keep in mind - I don't drink now.
Have a good day everyone
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Just checking in. I’m going strong. Been really busy on my work assignment working every day on site 11h shifts. not much time for cravings which I think is good. I really love my job. Not drinking has kind of become the new normal now.
My skin glows and my fatigue has subsidised. I don’t wake up in the mornings full of self hatred and loathing and I think this has had a profoundly positive impact on my self esteem. What a damage I have done to my physical and mental health over the years is just quite mad, doings of a mad woman. I’m looking forward to being even happier in my new life without slavery to alcohol.
Good night you all.
My skin glows and my fatigue has subsidised. I don’t wake up in the mornings full of self hatred and loathing and I think this has had a profoundly positive impact on my self esteem. What a damage I have done to my physical and mental health over the years is just quite mad, doings of a mad woman. I’m looking forward to being even happier in my new life without slavery to alcohol.
Good night you all.
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