Udntknowme

Hey all.

I am finally taking the plunge and asking my roommate if they can keep alcohol out of the house. I have found that I can't stay sober with the temptation in my home.

I'm mostly grappling with how to word myself. I don't really feel comfortable telling them about my alcoholism as we aren't that close. Maybe calling it "a cleanse."

I am worried because I have asked this of a previous roommate and it resulted in a huge argument.

I just want them to come home from work so I can get this over with!!!

sobersophie

Good luck! I hope it goes well and that your roommate is understanding.

If they really want to have alcohol in the house, would you consider asking them to keep it in their room?

biminiblue

Unless these are long-time actual friends I don't think I'd say anything.

I stay sober in every situation. So to me it doesn't matter if it's in my face or if someone offers me some. I don't eat or drink stuff that doesn't belong to me and I'm not buying alcohol, so I would be able to look at it that way.

What I wouldn't want in early sobriety is the drama of having these kinds of discussions.

I've found I don't have (and shouldn't have) control over roommates. I stopped living with roommates many years ago. Now my problems are entirely mine to create and solve. Much easier.

Udntknowme

It's totally fine if it's in their room! My former friend/roomie was offended even by this suggestion... I really need to work on letting that experience go and moving on.

I have been really lucky and my roommate and I are friends. I worded myself poorly before. I mean this is just something I don't feel comfortable sharing with them. But as mates, we often share food, drinks, etc. and I just haven't developed the mindset that I can't have free roam in the kitchen lol! It is easy for me to ignore the alcohol when I open the fridge the first 30 times but there are times when it just really catches my attention.

Personally I enjoy living with roommates. Even if I could afford not to, I would choose to live with others. If I lived alone it would just be me and the killer!
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C0ntr0ls

I would be careful on this because if they pay rent, who are you to say. Maybe maybe not.
Why can't you tell them you're an alcoholic and that is the reason for your request?
I don't mean to sound like a .... sorry if I do.
Good luck!

doggonecarl

Well, you can certainly ask. Doesn't mean they have to comply.

And if they don't? What's the plan?

Udntknowme

If I were demanding it then I would agree. It's not like they don't own this space as much as I do! But I think it's fine to ask. I need to accept that they can say no.

I wish I could say that I can stay sober no matter where alcohol is, but that has not been my experience. There is a liquor store that is a 3 min walk away and I can stay sober with that temptation, but unattended alcohol in the house has always ended in disaster.

I guess I need a backup plan in the case they say no.

Udntknowme

Moving I guess? Lease is up soon. Don't have to renew.

I'm assuming that it won't be that hard to find someone to live with in this big city that is a non-drinker?? Could be wrong about that.

Dee74

I see ads all the time that ask for non drinking roommates so if it does come to your moving, maybe posting or answering an ad like that is the way to go Udntknowme?

Hope your current roommates are understanding but yeah I think you need a plan that doesn't rely on other people doing what you want?

D

Misssy2

Honestly, if I were your roommate and I liked having beer in the fridge...the best way to approach me would be....

Hey..I struggle with alcohol being around...if I bought you a mini fridge...would it be a big deal for you to keep the booze in your room?

I would not say no to that.

But if you said I am an alcoholic and sometimes it bothers me when there is booze in the fridge...that would make me feel awkward and probably resentful because I probably pay the same amount of rent as you and it is not my issue that you have an issue with alcohol...

Buying her/him a fridge is cheaper than finding another place...Walmart has them for like 129 dollars.

ColoradoRocky

Well, it's true, I don't know you (!), but I have some painful experience with exactly what you are talking about. Fortunately for me, I was able to ask the roommate to leave because it was my place and it was my rules. She totally understood; it wasn't a big confrontation. It was still very painful because for me, I hate to admit it, but I had a crush on her. Not drinking was more important to me though.

One of the first lessons I learned when I started listening to advice, whcih took me 35 years, was that you can count on controlling only what you can control, not other people. That lesson has saved me in hundreds of situations over the years (not the least of which has been with my ex-wife!), and in your case if things don't work out a whole new living situation with new expectations might be in order, especially with the lease coming up anyway.

Maybe plan to move if it comes to that (you can control that), and if it doesn't you can decide whether it's worth staying at that time.

I hope this of any use to you, and good luck when you talk to your roommate.