Owning up...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Owning up...
I wasn't going to come on here ever again I felt like a fraud like I'm letting everybody down...people who are kind and are offering me support I shut them all out yesterday and drank after 27 days.... I was angry tired fustrated hungry and in pain and instead of earing and doing what u know I should I let myself have a it party about how awful my life is and I looked in the mirror and just feel old and haggard right now and I went to the shop...all the way there I felt sick and nervous but this demon voice in my head took over
two things a me out of it though after 3 drinks I felt horrendous and had to reset my sober counter which really upset me and I did something I've never done before ever...I poured the rest of the bottle down the sink and had a pint of ice cold water...the second thing is it gave me a much needed kick soooo I attend my first aa meeting in the morbing and a smart meeting at the weekend I figured if go to both I can see which one I feel more comfortable to continue with or cN u do both????
I really don't want to leave this site it helps me so much so I'm going to move on and give it another go....I will do this no matter what...
also I'm reading this naked mind and have started a gratitude journal I'm not just sitting under a blanket hoping for this to go away this time...yesterday I was stupid and selfish but it's gone now so wish me luck this time round...day 1 done 😊
two things a me out of it though after 3 drinks I felt horrendous and had to reset my sober counter which really upset me and I did something I've never done before ever...I poured the rest of the bottle down the sink and had a pint of ice cold water...the second thing is it gave me a much needed kick soooo I attend my first aa meeting in the morbing and a smart meeting at the weekend I figured if go to both I can see which one I feel more comfortable to continue with or cN u do both????
I really don't want to leave this site it helps me so much so I'm going to move on and give it another go....I will do this no matter what...
also I'm reading this naked mind and have started a gratitude journal I'm not just sitting under a blanket hoping for this to go away this time...yesterday I was stupid and selfish but it's gone now so wish me luck this time round...day 1 done 😊
You can do this! Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
First Im so proud of you for posting, and owning where you went wrong. Try to use this relapse as a learning experience- and just keep going! I am so happy to hear you threw the rest out- GOOD FOR YOU! Thats a huge step.. you didnt feel good.. and it made you feel remorseful.
Please dont be too hard on yourself- we are all human-and we need you here on the site!
Please dont be too hard on yourself- we are all human-and we need you here on the site!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Louise
I'm glad you're back and I'm glad you have some idea of what you should have done.
I had to make the 'should have done' my default. It was easier to do that by posting here every day for me.
D
I'm glad you're back and I'm glad you have some idea of what you should have done.
I had to make the 'should have done' my default. It was easier to do that by posting here every day for me.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Louise - Years ago, when I messed up I was gone for a very long time. You came back quickly to talk about what happened, so be proud of yourself. We would never give up on you - we know you want a sober life - and you will have it! Lesson learned - you are back. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Thank you everyone souch I honestly believed I shouldn't be here but I need this site it's making me stronger..I've never ever had one drink and poured the rest away never so I know I'm doing this and it just confirmed that alcohol does not male me happy relaxed more fun it just makes me feel sick and groggy and gives me severe anxiety next time I have those nasty cravings I will remember exactly how that first drink felt...it was complete opposite of what I thought it would do..never again I'm not paying my hard earned money to be sick and dizzy with a headache and still have the same feelings and problems anyway...honestly guys somethings clicking here and my dream is always to be able to say I reached a year sober....so here goes ❤
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
Yeah you had a hitch on your recovery road.
I think you did so well to actually throw the drink away! Once I started I could never of done that, it would of felt like sacrilege.
I think you have got this Louise.
I think you did so well to actually throw the drink away! Once I started I could never of done that, it would of felt like sacrilege.
I think you have got this Louise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by Kaily 
Yeah you had a hitch on your recovery road.
I think you did so well to actually throw the drink away! Once I started I could never of done that, it would of felt like sacrilege.
I think you have got this Louise.
I think you did so well to actually throw the drink away! Once I started I could never of done that, it would of felt like sacrilege.
I think you have got this Louise.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Well done on pouring the rest of the drink away and coming straight back. That is amazing. Maybe you had to have this drink to reinforce in your mind that alcohol is NOT doing anything for you except make you sick and groggy and anxious. . And it will make you sick and groggy and anxious because it is pure poison for people like us.
Listen, you do whatever it takes for your recovery. I think it is great you are willing to try both SMART and AA. You can use however many recovery techniques you want, its YOUR recovery. I am actually in AA but I follow SMART recovery on Instagram. Personally I feel like they compliment each other. There are alot of AA meetings near me and only 2 smart ones a week and the smart ones coincide with school pick up for me but I would definitely like to try one out one day.
I am 16 months sorber and I couldn't string 3 days together. 2 days was always my maximum before I caved in again. I've been trying for about 6 years to get sober and in that time I managed to get a week or so then a couple of weeks and my longest was 2 months. But since my last drunk which nearly killed me I made the choice to do whatever it took to get and stay sober and ONE DAY AT A TIME it has now been nearly 500 days since my last drink so this IS possible for you, just keep it in the day, get your head on the pillow sober every night and you will never have to feel this way again.
❤🙏❤🙏
Listen, you do whatever it takes for your recovery. I think it is great you are willing to try both SMART and AA. You can use however many recovery techniques you want, its YOUR recovery. I am actually in AA but I follow SMART recovery on Instagram. Personally I feel like they compliment each other. There are alot of AA meetings near me and only 2 smart ones a week and the smart ones coincide with school pick up for me but I would definitely like to try one out one day.
I am 16 months sorber and I couldn't string 3 days together. 2 days was always my maximum before I caved in again. I've been trying for about 6 years to get sober and in that time I managed to get a week or so then a couple of weeks and my longest was 2 months. But since my last drunk which nearly killed me I made the choice to do whatever it took to get and stay sober and ONE DAY AT A TIME it has now been nearly 500 days since my last drink so this IS possible for you, just keep it in the day, get your head on the pillow sober every night and you will never have to feel this way again.
❤🙏❤🙏
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 600
Many times I’ve seen the advice here to pour out what’s left. Great advice & you actually did it. This has to bolster your belief that you can do this. Resetting the sober counter must have stung but I actually feel you’re on your way. Rooting big time for you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by snitch
Well done on pouring the rest of the drink away and coming straight back. That is amazing. Maybe you had to have this drink to reinforce in your mind that alcohol is NOT doing anything for you except make you sick and groggy and anxious. . And it will make you sick and groggy and anxious because it is pure poison for people like us.
Listen, you do whatever it takes for your recovery. I think it is great you are willing to try both SMART and AA. You can use however many recovery techniques you want, its YOUR recovery. I am actually in AA but I follow SMART recovery on Instagram. Personally I feel like they compliment each other. There are alot of AA meetings near me and only 2 smart ones a week and the smart ones coincide with school pick up for me but I would definitely like to try one out one day.
I am 16 months sorber and I couldn't string 3 days together. 2 days was always my maximum before I caved in again. I've been trying for about 6 years to get sober and in that time I managed to get a week or so then a couple of weeks and my longest was 2 months. But since my last drunk which nearly killed me I made the choice to do whatever it took to get and stay sober and ONE DAY AT A TIME it has now been nearly 500 days since my last drink so this IS possible for you, just keep it in the day, get your head on the pillow sober every night and you will never have to feel this way again.
❤🙏❤🙏
Listen, you do whatever it takes for your recovery. I think it is great you are willing to try both SMART and AA. You can use however many recovery techniques you want, its YOUR recovery. I am actually in AA but I follow SMART recovery on Instagram. Personally I feel like they compliment each other. There are alot of AA meetings near me and only 2 smart ones a week and the smart ones coincide with school pick up for me but I would definitely like to try one out one day.
I am 16 months sorber and I couldn't string 3 days together. 2 days was always my maximum before I caved in again. I've been trying for about 6 years to get sober and in that time I managed to get a week or so then a couple of weeks and my longest was 2 months. But since my last drunk which nearly killed me I made the choice to do whatever it took to get and stay sober and ONE DAY AT A TIME it has now been nearly 500 days since my last drink so this IS possible for you, just keep it in the day, get your head on the pillow sober every night and you will never have to feel this way again.
❤🙏❤🙏
I found the same with the meetings I have a near me and very often but smart is far away but I will check it out anyway
your amazing...500 days is amazing thank you for replying you have given me much needed strength and determination this morning ❤
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by Tailai
Many times I’ve seen the advice here to pour out what’s left. Great advice & you actually did it. This has to bolster your belief that you can do this. Resetting the sober counter must have stung but I actually feel you’re on your way. Rooting big time for you!
thank you so much x
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