Conversations are the hardest thing for me sober
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Conversations are the hardest thing for me sober
I hate stress.... which is why I know I drank.
When you have to have tough conversations with people about their health....
Or when you have to tell someone that they are no longer purposeful in your life.
Being a parent, sister, lover, employee...when I was drunk was easy..because I held all my feelings inside I let everyone have their way, never spoke about my feelings or if I did I spoke very aggressively, I made choices based on other peoples feelings or needs and then drank at them AT THEM.
NOW..I think it is important for my sobriety to constructively let people know how I feel...and that is very challenging for me to use the correct words to go with the feelings I feel and to use those words in a way that is going to be productive for both parties.
I have had a couple of these conversations sober over the last 2 months of sobriety and they are so HARD but "freeing".
I have said the same exact things I want to express drunk...and have gotten no where....
I've noticed recently that people respect me more when I am sober...they listen better.
I'm going to have a conversation with someone that I have previously had this conversation with this person when I was drunk.
The "issue" still troubles me and I need to have the same conversation with this person because..when I was drunk I was a crying, mumbling, shell and wreck of a person.
Now..I will be strong, confident, firm and I know I will be heard and if I can build the courage to start the conversation SOBER...there probably will be a good outcome for all.
This is living life on lifes terms...
I used to need a drink to have these conversations....Now I realize..in order to LIVE..I need to NOT drink and get my FEELINGS out there.
Before I think I felt "I" didn't matter because I was a "drunk"...and that is the side the world saw of me...…
Now I know I matter AND I just have to stay sober so I can keep expressing my feelings without using alcohol.
When you have to have tough conversations with people about their health....
Or when you have to tell someone that they are no longer purposeful in your life.
Being a parent, sister, lover, employee...when I was drunk was easy..because I held all my feelings inside I let everyone have their way, never spoke about my feelings or if I did I spoke very aggressively, I made choices based on other peoples feelings or needs and then drank at them AT THEM.
NOW..I think it is important for my sobriety to constructively let people know how I feel...and that is very challenging for me to use the correct words to go with the feelings I feel and to use those words in a way that is going to be productive for both parties.
I have had a couple of these conversations sober over the last 2 months of sobriety and they are so HARD but "freeing".
I have said the same exact things I want to express drunk...and have gotten no where....
I've noticed recently that people respect me more when I am sober...they listen better.
I'm going to have a conversation with someone that I have previously had this conversation with this person when I was drunk.
The "issue" still troubles me and I need to have the same conversation with this person because..when I was drunk I was a crying, mumbling, shell and wreck of a person.
Now..I will be strong, confident, firm and I know I will be heard and if I can build the courage to start the conversation SOBER...there probably will be a good outcome for all.
This is living life on lifes terms...
I used to need a drink to have these conversations....Now I realize..in order to LIVE..I need to NOT drink and get my FEELINGS out there.
Before I think I felt "I" didn't matter because I was a "drunk"...and that is the side the world saw of me...…
Now I know I matter AND I just have to stay sober so I can keep expressing my feelings without using alcohol.
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Yes, Missy! You’ve got this 
I was like that too when I was actively drinking. Totally silent and holding everything in, or passive aggressive, or completely psycho agro. Learning to communicate effectively as a sober person was one of the hardest things for me. I felt like a toddler learning to use her words! Initially, conflict conversations were awkward and difficult. Sometimes I would cry. Then I would be embarrassed. But over time, with practice I got better and better. I still get some anxiety when I know I have to have a difficult discussion with someone, whether it’s my husband, son, coworker, client or friend. But it’s less than before. And I always feel so much better about myself afterwards. I have more self confidence now. I’m on my way to becoming a grown up
I was like that too when I was actively drinking. Totally silent and holding everything in, or passive aggressive, or completely psycho agro. Learning to communicate effectively as a sober person was one of the hardest things for me. I felt like a toddler learning to use her words! Initially, conflict conversations were awkward and difficult. Sometimes I would cry. Then I would be embarrassed. But over time, with practice I got better and better. I still get some anxiety when I know I have to have a difficult discussion with someone, whether it’s my husband, son, coworker, client or friend. But it’s less than before. And I always feel so much better about myself afterwards. I have more self confidence now. I’m on my way to becoming a grown up
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Originally Posted by Fearlessat50 
Yes, Missy! You’ve got this
I was like that too when I was actively drinking. Totally silent and holding everything in, or passive aggressive, or completely psycho agro. Learning to communicate effectively as a sober person was one of the hardest things for me. I felt like a toddler learning to use her words! Initially, conflict conversations were awkward and difficult. Sometimes I would cry. Then I would be embarrassed. But over time, with practice I got better and better. I still get some anxiety when I know I have to have a difficult discussion with someone, whether it’s my husband, son, coworker, client or friend. But it’s less than before. And I always feel so much better about myself afterwards. I have more self confidence now. I’m on my way to becoming a grown up
I was like that too when I was actively drinking. Totally silent and holding everything in, or passive aggressive, or completely psycho agro. Learning to communicate effectively as a sober person was one of the hardest things for me. I felt like a toddler learning to use her words! Initially, conflict conversations were awkward and difficult. Sometimes I would cry. Then I would be embarrassed. But over time, with practice I got better and better. I still get some anxiety when I know I have to have a difficult discussion with someone, whether it’s my husband, son, coworker, client or friend. But it’s less than before. And I always feel so much better about myself afterwards. I have more self confidence now. I’m on my way to becoming a grown up
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Originally Posted by ColoradoRocky
You're on the right track Missy, I think.
I'm starting a new program. I'll call it the Three-Step Program. Here are the three steps:
1. Don't Drink.
2. Don't try to go it alone.
3. Express Yourself.
I'm starting a new program. I'll call it the Three-Step Program. Here are the three steps:
1. Don't Drink.
2. Don't try to go it alone.
3. Express Yourself.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I started off so unused to confrontation of any kind, I would feel physically sick before and after any tough conversations, or need for assertiveness..
I got used to it tho
D
I got used to it tho
D
ha!
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I think that is very well said, Missy. I’m at 14 months and just now am starting to express myself in a manner that is true to myself and my feelings. I’ve noticed at work that I’m not afraid to state, and then defend, my boundaries whereas before I would not stand up for myself or my time. I’ve also come a long way communicating in my personal life.
Its a a very powerful, freeing feeling to finally be true to ourselves and communicate that to others. Kudos to you!
Its a a very powerful, freeing feeling to finally be true to ourselves and communicate that to others. Kudos to you!
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Originally Posted by Atlast9999
I think that is very well said, Missy. I’m at 14 months and just now am starting to express myself in a manner that is true to myself and my feelings. I’ve noticed at work that I’m not afraid to state, and then defend, my boundaries whereas before I would not stand up for myself or my time. I’ve also come a long way communicating in my personal life.
Its a a very powerful, freeing feeling to finally be true to ourselves and communicate that to others. Kudos to you!
Its a a very powerful, freeing feeling to finally be true to ourselves and communicate that to others. Kudos to you!
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