Tetrax

So I'm pretty happy with how my recovery's going, other than feeling insecure, especially regarding going back into the workplace (I've been unemployed a few months). I don't really have to put up with the AV these days (nearly four months in) but I do have a different kind of AV - an Anxious Voice, shall we say. Now I'm sure we all do to varying degrees, it's just mine is keeping me frozen in place, scared to venture out and seriously look for suitable jobs. I have only ever been a bartender you see, and I am rather clueless about it all. I even have pre-employment support at the treatment centre I went through, so I can't say I don't have the help.

I just have the fear, you know.

Anyway, just thought I'd share where I'm at. I know - from where I've come - that it's not the worst place to be, it just feels like until I get through this time I'm stuck in a recovery - and a life - plateau.

I guess I just don't really know what I want yet - from both work and life in general. And I don't have enough people to talk to. So here I am, talking!

It'll be an interesting journey I'm sure, once I get out a bit more...

doggonecarl

You recognize the barrier...fear. Now you just have to push through it. The fear is not going to go away. You have to proceed DESPITE the fear.

The other option? Not doing anything and living with the regrets you'll have.

Your choice.

dpac414

I'm glad you posted, Tetrax, and glad your recovery is still doing well.

So 1. do you think that going back to being a bartender will be triggering for you? If so, please steer clear. You can work a different service job if that's the case.

2. It's hard to know what you want to do. A good first step might be to explore your interests a little, see what pulls you, and then see what jobs fit those things? Not sure how the UK works, but if you can take some classes and get a certificate in something to get a higher paying job, maybe look into that? Or, try to get an entry level office job to get admin experience? You could also call a local college or something and talk to the admissions office about what you want - sometimes they can give you ideas or a course of action you need to take to get there. Seek out as much advice as you can.

These are just ideas. Don't have to take any of them. Just wanted to let you know that you have my support, as always, and I understand the fear and anxiety you must have. But sober you is more smart and capable than drunk you, and even if it takes a little bit, you will figure it out. Things have a way of falling into place, as long as you actively pursue what it is you want.

Keep us updated!

SoberCAH

I would never risk my sobriety tending bar.

I'm not faulting you for thinking differently, but I just couldn't do it.

I would be spooked by it today, and I've been sober for quite a few years.

My downside risks of drinking are losing everything in life and dying a miserable death.

I'm not putting that on the line for a job.

I wish you much success with your decision.

saoutchik

Congratulations on (nearly) four months sober Tetrax, that's a fantastic achievement.

As far as careers go my guess is that a good barman (or woman) would make a good salesperson and would definitely have some transferable skills. It has the advantage too of being one of those careers that doesn't require degrees our other vocational qualifications. If a a later date you discover a career you really want that does require them you could always study for them later.

Dee74

I hope you'll break though the fear and find the perfect career for yourself Tetrax - I believe you can do this

D

Numblady

I can see how that would be daunting. On the one hand you want to honor the fact that you’re not sure where you want to head and on the other you don’t want to stay paralyzed. Also FWIW I didn’t read your post to mean you were thinking about tending bar so much as that was what you had always known so you’re unsure where to go from here. I guess my only advice would be to treat it like a lot of challenges — just one step at a time kind of like sobriety. Maybe take just some preparatory steps along the lines suggested above. You don’t have to commit to a career just by reaching out to the help at the treatment center. Or filling out an application or two. Maybe don’t try to figure out long term but just start looking around for something that might work for right now and see where that takes you.

Above all awesome that you are here talking about it!

mayabee

Have you considered a grocery store? Your experience as a bartender would demonstrate that you have customer service skills. Many grocery stores offer part-time or flexible schedules. I have known a number of people in recovery and/or changing careers who have had good experiences in that field.

Mango212

Do you like coffee?

Barista training could give confidence in applying skills you have in a new type of business. One custom coffee roaster I know offers free training for businesses who buy their coffee beans. Prayer, good vibes and an open mind can open up opportunities, in good timing.

Congratulations on your recovery! Baby steps. One day at a time.

nez

Being anxious and worrying about the future will not take away any challenges that are in my future, but they sure as hell will take away any peace that I have today.

When I got sober, I was a chef and restaurant owner. My counselor in rehab had been a restaurant owner prior to sobering up. He strongly recommended that I not go back to my profession. He even said I would probably not be able to stay sober if I went back to my business.

Cooking and the restaurant business is my passion. It is the second biggest parameter that defines me. Alcoholic being the number one defining parameter, but an alcoholic in recovery as an asterisk. I decided that if I was to know recovery, I couldn't hide from alcohol. It may not have been the smartest, thing to do and certainly not the easiest path; but I have made it work for 16 years by remembering that the number one thing is that I am an alcoholic in recovery before anything else. Cooking and the restaurant business are a passion, but recovery is my number one passion.

That being said, unless bartending is a passion, I would think long and hard about it because being constantly around alcohol was not easy. I bought it. I sold it. I cooked with it. I opened it for guests. I talked about it with guests and made recommendations. I paired it with food. I looked deeply into the eyes of the beast every single day. It was hard, but I needed to do it. If you don't need to do it, my recommendation would be don't do it. There are plenty of other options out there and you might find your passion or it might find you. That is what happened to me years ago when I took a job as a dishwasher until I could figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

For me, recovery is about trusting the process, participating in the process, and remembering that I am not part of the management team of the process so I don't need to direct the process.

Be well.

Tetrax

Thanks, yeah that was how I meant it; I see bartending as something I should probably leave in the past. Definitely I like the analogy of getting sober- take it one step at a time...

And thanks everyone. I'm not even ruling hospitality out completely - much of it is good (and good for confidence) - I just feel I should be thinking about something new.

It's tough though. I know AA says make no big changes for a year but my last job loss came around the same time as quitting drinking (sort of related, long story), so I don't have a choice.

On the plus side the manageable anxiety I'm feeling is reminding me of the sheer terror of post-drinking so I'm definitely not tempted to go back down that road!