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What is different this time? It took extreme calamity, legal troubles, health issues, destroyed relationships, demoralization, shame, anxiety, pain, and anguish for me to quit. I kept saying; when I lose a marriage, or when I get another dui, or when my health starts to suffer, or when....etc. It finally got to be enough. I’ve been in many treatments/detoxes/institutions, tons of AA, medicines, etc. But it wasn’t until I realized that when I pick up, I have no idea how it was going to end. If I could guarantee that if I picked up tonight, I could wake up tomorrow and stop drinking and just recover and be ready for work on Monday, I might actually do it. But for me, now when I take a drink, it can easily last a week or two. I literally can’t drink without police contact or calling or emailing people (including my young children) in extreme blackouts, or waking up with serious injuries of which I have no recollection. My hangovers now aren’t headaches and dehydration, they’re me struggling for breath, shaking, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts. Even alcohol won’t quiet those. But damned if I don’t try. It took me losing any semblance of control to finally throw in the towel. Alcohol has me beat. I had always suspected it, and have identified as an alcoholic for many years, but alcohol finally has me licked. I mean it’s had me licked for at least 10 years, but at least I was in the fight. No more, I am beat. Down for the count. Time to fight a new fight. With the help from my doctor, my sponsor, my AA meetings (which I love), I’m on day 23. |
Great job on 23! |
I think I'm in the same situation as you. I can't stand the utter dread of what will happen, and constantly being inches away from life-ruining outcomes. It's basically a game of russian roullete at this stage. |
Welcome aboard my friend. You are making the decision of a lifetime. You wont regret it. Im at 105 and couldnt be happier. One day at a time. |
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan
(Post 7249271)
My hangovers now aren’t headaches and dehydration, they’re me struggling for breath, shaking, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts. Even alcohol won’t quiet those. But damned if I don’t try. Congratulations. Keep it up and get well. |
BeABetterMan. Congratulations on 23 days. I have 22 years and 2 days of continuous sobriety and I still love meetings. I sure can identify with the first drink will get me drunk. I experimented with that until it almost killed me. I too lost marriages, houses, a business, the respect of my children, friends, family, all my money, and on and on and on, but that's what it took for me to surrender. It was the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, like the Big Book talks about, that finally broke me. I now have a wonderful life, a sober husband, two sober children, my integrity, self-esteem, and everything worthwhile back because I don't find it necessary to pick up that first drink. If I'd written a script with everything I thought I wanted, I would have sold myself short. I still have living problems like every other human being, but by the Grace of God, I have what I've always searched for in a bottle and never found, peace of mind, and I've truly earned it one day at a time. Thank you for posting. Hang in there. It gets better. |
sounds like a new beginning- I am glad you are here |
The last time I vowed to quit drinking, something felt different from all the previous times. I can't explain it, I just felt 'different'. Coming up on 10 yrs this winter. :) Keep going, it gets better. :) |
I had heart palpitations too. They lessoned then went away completely. Now, my blood pressure gets nice and low unless i eat certain things. I am much more calm and deal with stress 10x better. I am pretty healthy physically and mentally. I know booze is poison. I don't need it to act care free or relaxed. I can do that now without drinking. Thanks. |
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