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Know My Trigger But How To Deal With It?

Old 08-16-2019, 08:30 PM
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Know My Trigger But How To Deal With It?

Hey all

About 3 weeks in, and all is great. Previously, I made it about 10 months before going off the wagon for 1-2 months (not every day, but intermittent binges/benders).

When I fell off the wagon last time, the trigger was the inability to feel comfortable socially and /w dating without drinking. And by drinking, that part of life did get better *for a short while*, until the drinking got to a point that it usually does...

Drinking starts out "controlled" for the first time, or two, and before you know it I'm on a 4-5 day uncontrolled bender with morning drinks - the whole 9 yards. And my "free time" revolves around that, "partying", and generally unproductive things.. and at the end I'm full of regret.

Anyway - now, I'm 3 weeks in and I feel that trigger coming back up again, and I'm not sure how best to deal with it. My mind, insanely says you can control it this time, but... we know how that goes.

Of course, I can grind through the discomfort of going out and being social w/o it, or dating w/o it, but I'm wondering if anyone had a similar trigger and found a good way to deal with it. And because of this, I avoid most social situations, especially at night, and I'm not really "unhappy", but I'm not content with it that's for sure.

I end up feeling like I have pent up energy to be social, and then at the same time have conflicting feelings about doing it b/c I "can't drink".

I'd like to say I can go out and have a couple of drinks, but I'm sure like many others - within short time, that is just not the case (control gets lost).

My ultimate goal is to feel free in all aspects of life, including social situations - totally sober.

Thanks all.
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:44 PM
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I had four months and then went on a date. A year and a half later....you get the picture.

For the first time in my life Iím commiting to not dating at all for the first year. Iím so conditioned to calm my nerves and loosen up on dates by drinking I need a complete reprogramming.
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Old 08-16-2019, 10:00 PM
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I think for most of us recovery means some tough decisions.

If social occasions and dating tend to end with you drinking, you might have to consider not doing those things.

I'm not suggesting anyone needs to stay at home with curtains drawn and being miserable - but I am siggestong that you give great thought to the invites you accept.

Socially I built up what I call sober muscles.

Noone starts weight lifting with a 300 pound weight. I went to movies, picnics. walks, museums, art galleries - anywhere I knew where alcohol or the consumption thereof would not be a factor.

As for dating, I was in no shape to date when I quit. I would have been inflicting myself on someone.

Dating can be stressful - if you're feeling like you need to drink to be a good date, my advice is to wait until you have the self confidence to offer yourself out there, sober

D
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Old 08-16-2019, 10:12 PM
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Loved that
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Old 08-16-2019, 10:48 PM
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My ultimate goal is to feel free in all aspects of life, including social situations - totally sober.
That is my goal also. When I first started skiing, I couldn't go 10 feet without falling down. I swore that if I got off of the mountain, I would never go back up it. But, I lied and I am stubborn, so I went back up and kept at it. It was hard work and it didn't happen overnight, but today I am free to go anywhere on the mountain. Expert slopes, no problem, bring them on. I got this!

That scenario seems to apply to everything in my life. I get better at things, the more I do those things. I drank because I was socially awkward and uncomfortable in social situations. The longer I am sober and the more I practice sober socialization, the less I feel uncomfortable doing it. I will never be a social butterfly, but at least today I am comfortable just being me no matter where I am.

You summed it up for me "My ultimate goal is to feel free in all aspects of life, including social situations - totally sober." I love the freedom of today. Progress not perfection.
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Old 08-16-2019, 10:50 PM
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Like some of the folks here said. The more sober time under your belt the better things will be.. I'm only at 105 days so I'm still learning . however I still do pretty much everything I like to do. Including date. I just dont drink. I tell you the feeling you get from an action packed day. Getting home and laying your head down. Knowing your not going to be hung over and that you had a good time still. ......priceless
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Old 08-16-2019, 11:00 PM
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I end up feeling like I have pent up energy to be social, and then at the same time have conflicting feelings about doing it b/c I "can't drink".
Have you considered the fact that you can drink, but you are choosing not to. Now that is freedom!
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