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Old 08-15-2019, 09:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Very embarrassing.


Hi I haven't posted here for a long time. If you look back back at my posts I was in trouble a long time ago. I am caring for my Mum in end stage Parkinsons. Lost my Dad a year ago who I also cared for. The ongoing pain of everyday trying to calm my Mum down ( terrible anxiety, fear, trouble breathing, going blind and fights with doctors etc) makes me feel like like I'm just going to explode with heartbreak. So what i do is drink every single day. I am an alcoholic. I know that absolutely. I have reached a point where i can't stop without detox and I have been told there is a 3 month waiting list. I am such a mess. Anyway I have the most embarrassing problem. I have now become bladder and bowel incontinent. I don't know how it got to this point but it has. I can't even go to the supermarket without having an " accident" I long for a space where i can go to a rehab and get help but my Mum relies on me so much. I am desperate. Living in a city I don't know anyone for the past year and 8 months alone. Mum is close to death so I can't just take off for 6 weeks. Did anyone else become bladder and bowel incontinent - and did it get better after stopping drinking. Thank you for listening.
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hi sunshine - Welcome back

I get help from with care cleaning, etc from Blue Care - do they have anything like that kind of cheap community care in NZ?

Something like that might give you a bit of a break so you could concentrate on your own health a little more?

I dunno whats causing your incontinence so it's impossible to say if it will get better with abstinence but it's got to be worth a try?

D
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:51 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Dee. I will look. Pretty much convinced this due to my alcohol abuse, extreme anxiety etc. But you are right I should have seen a doctor a long time ago. Thank you for commenting.
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I hope you'll stick around - tons of support here, as you know

D
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Also Mum is end of life now so not much to be done except my daily fights to keep her comfortable. Has been a nightmare.
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Old 08-15-2019, 10:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thatís awful Sunshine. Iím very glad you feel comfortable coming and sharing here.

We canít say for sure what is causing your problem, but could we all agree that drinking alcoholicly isnít helping? When we are drinking like we do so many of our systems are affected. In fact, alcohol is the only drug that effects 10 systems in the body. Do yourself a favor and put the bottle down. We know that it is so hard to get through a day without drinking, but isnít it hard to get through life while drinking? Arenít you tired? Hasnít it been enough?

I canít imagine the pain and sadness of caring for your mom in her condition, but the drinking isnít making things better, itís actually, as you seem to be aware of, making it worse. Your mood suffers, your health, your everything.

Do something kind for yourself and stop pouring poison into your body. And please stick around.
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Old 08-15-2019, 10:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you such a kind answer. Don't know what to do about the detox thing. Want to stop drinking now but the alcohol caseworkers have put fear of God in me to just stop. They tell me moderate which of course i can't do. Feeling very overwhelmed and don't want to let my Mum down
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Old 08-16-2019, 12:43 AM   #8 (permalink)
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You are caring for your Mother, you will never let her down. Just the fact that you are suffering from intense anxiety, pain, heartache and this disease and CAN STILL FIGHT HARD ENOUGH to care for your mother is beyond honorable. But you need to be strong for her and yourself.
I am not sure about the medical aspects of things, but the alcohol is definitely making things harder. Are there meetings you can go to? Do you have a friend in the medical profession who can supervise your detox? What about asking someone to care for your mother a few days while you detox in hospital?
I know that this is the hardest moment for you, I am so sorry but I believe in the goodness in you and the power you have to get through this. You WILL COME OUT ON THE OTHER END.

We are here for you, keep logging on and stay in touch. I will say a prayer for your Mother tonight and for you.

Nicole
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Old 08-16-2019, 12:47 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I had a problem with that towards the end but that was when I couldn't walk either. If this is happening when you go to the supermarket I would suggest you see a doctor, as something else might be causing it. Do you have any back problems? X
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Old 08-16-2019, 02:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I cared for my mother with advanced dementia for the last two years and also upped my alcohol intake to make life more bearable. It did not. I quit drinking a month before my mother died and did a medical supervised detox at home. It really was just being honest with my GP and her prescribing appropriate medication for a month. It worked wonders. I am glad the last month of my mother’s life I was sober and still am now 4 months on. You can do it.
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Old 08-16-2019, 04:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Regarding the bathroom issues, we cant offer medical advice, only personal experience.

When I drank, I would sometimes have to go so bad I could barely hold it. I had some close calls. Stopping helped.

A short testimony...

I drank a ton off booze off and on for decades.

Only a Dr. could have decided if I needed medical detox.

I made it through, mentally scared with horrid anxiety and feelings of dread and doom.

I still get those feelings but now clean for this long, I am used to it being way worse. So, i got better. Not perfect, just better.

I sort of tapered down. It went pretty quick. My last binge was about half a bottle of whisky in 12 hours.

The av told me anything to keep me drinking. It is still around.

Old craves become new again. I must embrace and cherish my sobriety vs fight my addiction. Fighting gets exhausting.

Embracing and loving being super clean is forever uplifting.

Thanks.
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When I crave I think of the next day after effects:

high blood pressure, sleep issues, strength loss, immune system comprimise (sick).

BpSSS. My mantra.

Studied "alcohol kindling" and "alcohol PAWS."

Last intoxication: 8 May 15.
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Old 08-16-2019, 06:35 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Maybe your Mom (and you) would be better off in a skilled nursing facility where they can make her more comfortable?
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:29 AM   #13 (permalink)
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My suggestion would be to go the doctor as soon as possible to find information on the incontinence. You need medical information at this point. Also, is it possible your doctor could offer you a medical detox at home? This could be worth asking about.

I would also suggest a care facility for your mother or a hospice? It sounds like you really need a break, and your mother could be well-cared for.
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:31 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I am so sorry you are going through this. The stress of caring for a loved one in this condition is overwhelming. Even if you cannot get her into a skilled facility, is there any agency who can assist with respite care for a bit?

This may be from something other than alcohol abuse. I would definitely go to a doctor and be brutally honest and get the help you need!

Sending you a big hug!
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Old 08-16-2019, 06:05 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Yes I had the urine incontinence....more kegels needed....but the bowel incontinence? Are you sure or do you just have diarrhea from drinking and stuff slips once in a while?

I totally believe when the drink gets put down much of this will stop.
I'm sorry about your Mom in end life...my Dad has dementia very bad Middle Stage...I take care of him as well....and it SUX.

Drunk or not thou...your Mom is blessed to have you..but you have to have YOU when she is gone....try to put down the drink...a Dr. would give you detox meds if you asked for them....and told them of your situation (because you can't be hospitalized)Ö.

Where there is a will there is a way.
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Old 08-16-2019, 07:45 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I have decided to go to doctor and try for a home detox. And Missy I think you are right it is diarrhea from drinking such ridiculous amounts. Thank you all for caring and responding.
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:05 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Let us know how you go at the doctors Sunshinel- and mention the incontinence too.

D
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:57 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I will Dee. Even though I will nearly die of embarrassment. The only doctor I have here as a casual is male
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Old 08-16-2019, 08:59 PM   #19 (permalink)
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doctors have heard everything Sunshine - you'll be OK

D
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:37 PM   #20 (permalink)
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prayers

good advice here
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