Regret & Remorse - Do they, will they ever go away? Weekenders 16 - 19 August 2019
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
I love, love, love tapirs 🥰 great video
I’m in for this weekend for sure 100% under no circumstances. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself. Maybe some bridges were burned so I wouldn’t cross them again, maybe it all had to happen the way it did for me to be who I am today. I just feel huge amounts of shame and embarrassment for my drunk self. Even this week I did things completely sober I may not forgive myself for. I said some stupid things in the office this week. But at least I can remember them. It’s going to be another productive, restful, peaceful weekend.
I’m in for this weekend for sure 100% under no circumstances. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself. Maybe some bridges were burned so I wouldn’t cross them again, maybe it all had to happen the way it did for me to be who I am today. I just feel huge amounts of shame and embarrassment for my drunk self. Even this week I did things completely sober I may not forgive myself for. I said some stupid things in the office this week. But at least I can remember them. It’s going to be another productive, restful, peaceful weekend.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Aw many thanks for all the Birthday posts gang, they are much appreciated. There was a time when I was drinking more than half a bottle of skotch a day that I didn't think I would have many more birthdays.
Welcome to Weekenders LoveDD and silentrun, great to have you on board.
Fingers crossed for next week Awake61,
I thought MLD51's post on that subject was excellent. I often take it for granted but sometimes I am still pleased when I see a police vehicle and know I never have to worry about being breathalysed.
Happy Friday, it will soon be the weekend. A quick reminder for those of you at the beginning of your journey - it gets much easier in time, you just have to get through the first month or two and the daily urge to drink subsides so it won't be like it is now for always.
Welcome to Weekenders LoveDD and silentrun, great to have you on board.
Fingers crossed for next week Awake61,
I thought MLD51's post on that subject was excellent. I often take it for granted but sometimes I am still pleased when I see a police vehicle and know I never have to worry about being breathalysed.
Happy Friday, it will soon be the weekend. A quick reminder for those of you at the beginning of your journey - it gets much easier in time, you just have to get through the first month or two and the daily urge to drink subsides so it won't be like it is now for always.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
It's early in the day for me to be posting music but I love this track and it's about escaping from a bad place.
https://youtu.be/KtzRJgZG98I
https://youtu.be/KtzRJgZG98I
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
.
Regret & Remorse...
My own reconciliation with those Emotions comes from a profound respect for Time and Space, and my lesser fit into those irrefutable Constants.
I can't turn back the Clock. I can't change any past Outcomes. As much as we Humans wish we could at times. The more I let that Reality soak into my Bones, the greater the degree of Acceptance, and Serenity. As observed above, living better and differently is all I can do.
As a matter of Acceptance, I don't necessarily hold Addicts to a higher standard of Reconciliation than others. I've dealt with a Boss who didn't crack down on Sexual Harrassment. A Workplace 'inconvenience' he didn't want to deal with. I've dealt with a very few Renters who were World Class Schmucks. I don't see any of them coming around to offer Amends. My point here is that there's a larger Demographic of Folks who could sure use a change-of-ways, and could acknowledge some mighty crappy past behaviors. And yet, they don't. So, I don't get *too* caught up in the imagined uniqueness of Addiction-related wrongs. Perhaps a Sidebar here is whether one views Addiction as a choice or not. There's plenty of overdue Reconciliation to go around in Society-at-large. Take it easy on yourself while maintaining perspective.
While a great Show from Joe Bonamassa last Monday Night didn't have this Song on the Set List, I think it's a good one to reflect on for this Weekender's. Thanks, Mags.
~ 'Redemption' ~ Joe Bonamassa ~
This Suburban Wildlife Pic is brought to you by the Dumpster at our Boulder CO Hotel, and the plethora of Take Away PIzza Boxes around as Students move in for the Fall Semester. I did a lil jump back when I saw this unexpected Bandit, and stayed out of sight while snapping this Pic.
'Don't want no Wounds... From them rabid Raccoons...'
Burma Shave
.
Regret & Remorse...
My own reconciliation with those Emotions comes from a profound respect for Time and Space, and my lesser fit into those irrefutable Constants.
I can't turn back the Clock. I can't change any past Outcomes. As much as we Humans wish we could at times. The more I let that Reality soak into my Bones, the greater the degree of Acceptance, and Serenity. As observed above, living better and differently is all I can do.
As a matter of Acceptance, I don't necessarily hold Addicts to a higher standard of Reconciliation than others. I've dealt with a Boss who didn't crack down on Sexual Harrassment. A Workplace 'inconvenience' he didn't want to deal with. I've dealt with a very few Renters who were World Class Schmucks. I don't see any of them coming around to offer Amends. My point here is that there's a larger Demographic of Folks who could sure use a change-of-ways, and could acknowledge some mighty crappy past behaviors. And yet, they don't. So, I don't get *too* caught up in the imagined uniqueness of Addiction-related wrongs. Perhaps a Sidebar here is whether one views Addiction as a choice or not. There's plenty of overdue Reconciliation to go around in Society-at-large. Take it easy on yourself while maintaining perspective.
While a great Show from Joe Bonamassa last Monday Night didn't have this Song on the Set List, I think it's a good one to reflect on for this Weekender's. Thanks, Mags.
~ 'Redemption' ~ Joe Bonamassa ~
This Suburban Wildlife Pic is brought to you by the Dumpster at our Boulder CO Hotel, and the plethora of Take Away PIzza Boxes around as Students move in for the Fall Semester. I did a lil jump back when I saw this unexpected Bandit, and stayed out of sight while snapping this Pic.
'Don't want no Wounds... From them rabid Raccoons...'
Burma Shave
.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: GRAYSLAKE
Posts: 17
They haven't gone away for me but their grip on me is gone.
I look at the events much more objectively now.
Since making amends, fixing what I could fix, and vowing to learn from what I can't, I believe my side of the street is clean and I can now go through life on my feet instead of on my knees.
It still takes definite getting used to- my reflex is to assume I'm wrong or guilty of something because I spent so long hiding my alcohol abuse and my misadventures. I have to allow this reflex to pass with new mistakes, otherwise I feel new rounds of guilt and remorse, but it does pass, and I feel less guilt and remorse than I ever have in my life!
I look at the events much more objectively now.
Since making amends, fixing what I could fix, and vowing to learn from what I can't, I believe my side of the street is clean and I can now go through life on my feet instead of on my knees.
It still takes definite getting used to- my reflex is to assume I'm wrong or guilty of something because I spent so long hiding my alcohol abuse and my misadventures. I have to allow this reflex to pass with new mistakes, otherwise I feel new rounds of guilt and remorse, but it does pass, and I feel less guilt and remorse than I ever have in my life!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Mesa said "There's plenty of overdue Reconciliation to go around in Society-at-large. Take it easy on yourself while maintaining perspective. "
That's a very good point. I haven't been able to apologize to everyone. There are a couple of people I will not make amends to for various reasons, even though I could. I felt bad about that decision for a while, until I realized that I don't have to do all of this perfectly. I have my reasons for not talking to these people. AA might not agree with me, but I still have free will. I have forgiven them for their part. That's as far as I'm going to go, unless I am approached by them. Unlikely.
Pierce said: "It still takes definite getting used to- my reflex is to assume I'm wrong or guilty of something because I spent so long hiding my alcohol abuse and my misadventures."
Oh, yes. I understand this well. Perfectly put. It was quite some time after I quit that I stopped feeling guilty and apologizing over basically NOTHING. I was so used to feeling like crap about myself that it was automatic to take blame for breathing, for existing. SO happy I don't feel that way anymore. Hey, I still screw up. Everyone does. I no longer feel an inordinate amount of remorse or guilt - I feel bad in appropriate amounts, apologize if necessary, and move on. Refreshing.
That's a very good point. I haven't been able to apologize to everyone. There are a couple of people I will not make amends to for various reasons, even though I could. I felt bad about that decision for a while, until I realized that I don't have to do all of this perfectly. I have my reasons for not talking to these people. AA might not agree with me, but I still have free will. I have forgiven them for their part. That's as far as I'm going to go, unless I am approached by them. Unlikely.
Pierce said: "It still takes definite getting used to- my reflex is to assume I'm wrong or guilty of something because I spent so long hiding my alcohol abuse and my misadventures."
Oh, yes. I understand this well. Perfectly put. It was quite some time after I quit that I stopped feeling guilty and apologizing over basically NOTHING. I was so used to feeling like crap about myself that it was automatic to take blame for breathing, for existing. SO happy I don't feel that way anymore. Hey, I still screw up. Everyone does. I no longer feel an inordinate amount of remorse or guilt - I feel bad in appropriate amounts, apologize if necessary, and move on. Refreshing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It's Friday and The Reason this thread started years ago, I think. Weekends can be a little more difficult for some of us who used to drink a lot on weekends. This thread is a place to come and talk about it instead. As we often say, if you feel like you're gonna drink, come here and ask 'permission' first. No drinking, no new regrets.
Mags posted some of Weasel's thoughts in the opening post and he started this thread every week for a long time. Miss him. Mecanix too.
For old times' sake -
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-23-until.html (Get support here! Weekender October 23 until...)
Mags posted some of Weasel's thoughts in the opening post and he started this thread every week for a long time. Miss him. Mecanix too.
For old times' sake -
*Ring Ring*
What does it mean? In the words of Mecanix...
“The first bell is the bell of mindfulness, calling to me and you.
It says stop what am i doing right now, take some breaths, feel my body, am I holding it tight and tense? Relax… calm down… life is a journey and not a destination, make the journey as glorious as possible.
The second bell is the freedom bell and I'm ringing it for you to let you know freedom from drink and drugs is available to you, come and hear us calling out to you.”
Can you hear it? I can!
Welcome to your sober weekend.
What does it mean? In the words of Mecanix...
“The first bell is the bell of mindfulness, calling to me and you.
It says stop what am i doing right now, take some breaths, feel my body, am I holding it tight and tense? Relax… calm down… life is a journey and not a destination, make the journey as glorious as possible.
The second bell is the freedom bell and I'm ringing it for you to let you know freedom from drink and drugs is available to you, come and hear us calling out to you.”
Can you hear it? I can!
Welcome to your sober weekend.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Welcome to Weekenders Pierce1230!
Me too!
You're doing well now WaterOx, that's the main thing.
Funny pic MesaMan, unfortunately we don't have raccoons in Britain (I think that's what it is).
So i've been spending my enforced captivity by reading Remembrance of Times Past by Marcel Proust and Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Frederich Nietsche in the original German and generally improving myself. Oh no wait a minute, that was a dream, I have actually spent a large part of today mindlessly playing online golf. I'm getting pretty good!
This is Karen O (from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and Danger Mouse with Lux Prima. Those pushed for time might need to skip the atmospheric but 3 minute long intro - I could not find a radio edit version. Beautiful.
https://youtu.be/N6aeWEHToVU
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Mags posted some of Weasel's thoughts in the opening post and he started this thread every week for a long time. Miss him. Mecanix too.
For old times' sake -
For old times' sake -
You're doing well now WaterOx, that's the main thing.
Funny pic MesaMan, unfortunately we don't have raccoons in Britain (I think that's what it is).
So i've been spending my enforced captivity by reading Remembrance of Times Past by Marcel Proust and Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Frederich Nietsche in the original German and generally improving myself. Oh no wait a minute, that was a dream, I have actually spent a large part of today mindlessly playing online golf. I'm getting pretty good!
This is Karen O (from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and Danger Mouse with Lux Prima. Those pushed for time might need to skip the atmospheric but 3 minute long intro - I could not find a radio edit version. Beautiful.
https://youtu.be/N6aeWEHToVU
ours de petit cerveau
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,630
Originally Posted by saoutchik
So i've been spending my enforced captivity by reading Remembrance of Times Past by Marcel Proust and Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Frederich Nietsche in the original German and generally improving myself.
* which my school German reliably informs me means "bloke in a taxi".
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Originally Posted by andyh
you had me going for a minute there, you UberMensch*.
* which my school German reliably informs me means "bloke in a taxi".
* which my school German reliably informs me means "bloke in a taxi".
FORE!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,535
Originally Posted by saoutchik
So i've been spending my enforced captivity by reading Remembrance of Times Past by Marcel Proust and Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Frederich Nietsche in the original German and generally improving myself. Oh no wait a minute, that was a dream, I have actually spent a large part of today mindlessly playing online golf. I'm getting pretty good!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Sao, I love your sense of humor. 
good for you on the online golf. a skill is a skill.
Just checking in for Friday. I'm home now and about to cook dinner. I have a load of laundry in and have probably like 100 more to do....put it off for way too long. So, a quiet night for me, which I prefer.
Happy evening, for those of us on this end of the world. Happy Sat for those across the way.
good for you on the online golf. a skill is a skill. Just checking in for Friday. I'm home now and about to cook dinner. I have a load of laundry in and have probably like 100 more to do....put it off for way too long. So, a quiet night for me, which I prefer.
Happy evening, for those of us on this end of the world. Happy Sat for those across the way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 782
Hello Weekenders,
Checking in once again - one more sober weekend to look forward to in your esteemed company.
Thanks Mags for the thread. I'm still in the early stages of processing my thoughts of regret and remorse at seven and a half months sober. I'm starting to think how my life could have been different if I had not spent the last twenty years drinking and this does sometimes get me down. For now though I'm taking things one day at a time, doing the best I can each day while trying to maintain a positive state of mind, a degree of humility and a continued state of gratitude.
I saw my alcohol counsellor this week and her statement was 'Forwards, I think you've got this alcohol thing licked, don't you?' My immediate thought was yes maybe the alcohol, what about the alcoholism? Hmmm...
Anyway, happy belated birthday Sao and thanks others for all the music and photos. I'm planning a quiet uneventful weekend with family - hopefully the weather will cheer up a bit first.
Warm wishes to all as always, Forwards.
Checking in once again - one more sober weekend to look forward to in your esteemed company.
Thanks Mags for the thread. I'm still in the early stages of processing my thoughts of regret and remorse at seven and a half months sober. I'm starting to think how my life could have been different if I had not spent the last twenty years drinking and this does sometimes get me down. For now though I'm taking things one day at a time, doing the best I can each day while trying to maintain a positive state of mind, a degree of humility and a continued state of gratitude.
I saw my alcohol counsellor this week and her statement was 'Forwards, I think you've got this alcohol thing licked, don't you?' My immediate thought was yes maybe the alcohol, what about the alcoholism? Hmmm...
Anyway, happy belated birthday Sao and thanks others for all the music and photos. I'm planning a quiet uneventful weekend with family - hopefully the weather will cheer up a bit first.
Warm wishes to all as always, Forwards.
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,756
Originally Posted by Forwards
...I saw my alcohol counsellor this week and her statement was 'Forwards, I think you've got this alcohol thing licked, don't you?' My immediate thought was yes maybe the alcohol, what about the alcoholism? Hmmm...
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,756
Originally Posted by WaterOx
The biggest regret I have drinking is for the time I wasted.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Hiya Weekenders
Saou, I was totally impressed by your German readings.
. You and Andy would make a good comedy duo.
Attending a wedding later today. I know a few years ago I would be worried about all the alcohol flowing and toasting the bride and groom, but to use Bim’s words ‘I don’t drink’ so I won’t drink today.
Have a good sober weekend.
Saou, I was totally impressed by your German readings.
. You and Andy would make a good comedy duo. Attending a wedding later today. I know a few years ago I would be worried about all the alcohol flowing and toasting the bride and groom, but to use Bim’s words ‘I don’t drink’ so I won’t drink today.
Have a good sober weekend.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Never knowingly highbrow me.
I was 54 when I quit so plenty of regrets about the "wasted" years if I dwell on it but like STDragon I am really pleased that I did.
Hopefully you are up to date with your washing dpac. At Saoutchik Towers laundry day is normally on Thursday so I am behind. I'll catch up on Sunday.
I am going to my GP surgery mid morning to have my dressing changed, probably to a smaller one and am going to have my first shower since Wednesday morning so i'm pleased it has not been hot at all this week.
I was 54 when I quit so plenty of regrets about the "wasted" years if I dwell on it but like STDragon I am really pleased that I did.
Hopefully you are up to date with your washing dpac. At Saoutchik Towers laundry day is normally on Thursday so I am behind. I'll catch up on Sunday.
I am going to my GP surgery mid morning to have my dressing changed, probably to a smaller one and am going to have my first shower since Wednesday morning so i'm pleased it has not been hot at all this week.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
