Regret & Remorse - Do they, will they ever go away? Weekenders 16 - 19 August 2019
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 221
Mags, I know that “Oh your drunk again” look from my husband all to well. Today is day one for me but looking forward to not having to see that look ever again!
Still in the mad flurry of shame and guilt but I know if I stick to it this time it will get better
Still in the mad flurry of shame and guilt but I know if I stick to it this time it will get better
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland maine
Posts: 1,330
I so needed to read this thread. Facing court next week for my 3rd DUI. 22 days sober, but at times I am completely filled with self loathing and disgust. Good I didn't hurt anyone during my horrid episodes. Thank you all for being here.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Hi LoveDD, that’s so true and it’s a relief not to drink, it was so time consuming, planning, drinking, lying. It feels good to be honest.
Awake, Congratulations on 22 days. One day at a time, it will get better.
Awake, Congratulations on 22 days. One day at a time, it will get better.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Thanks for the OP.
I'm in again for another weekend and week.
The regret and remorse hits me in phases, idle minds. I have to work on it. Thank you for quoting weasel.
I have my dose of stuff to forgive and have forgiven too. Alot of stuff I would really like to delete the memories of and which come back to haunt me sporadically. I will work on it.
Deffo found it alot easier to quit smoking than alcohol. Actually alcohol became "the fall back on" drug and the hardest to kick.
Had a situation to deal with this morning in the airport. A fellow human didn't appreciate that I jumped a few places in the line to rejoin my wife and daughter with the passports and boarding cards. I had gone to dump some liquids. We were together a family so I kind of assumed it was OK. He really was having a bad day and was very very irate in front of crowds of people in the queues.
Mrs vman said to me ignore him and don't make his problem your problem. It was hard but I let it slide didn't react didn't reply. However was pretty upset with myself though of how mad and angry he made me feel.
Way too much adrenalin.
Not good... at all.
Happy Birthday to you Sao.
A nice respectable age.
Enjoy your free time.
Later weekenders
I'm in again for another weekend and week.
The regret and remorse hits me in phases, idle minds. I have to work on it. Thank you for quoting weasel.
I have my dose of stuff to forgive and have forgiven too. Alot of stuff I would really like to delete the memories of and which come back to haunt me sporadically. I will work on it.
Deffo found it alot easier to quit smoking than alcohol. Actually alcohol became "the fall back on" drug and the hardest to kick.
Had a situation to deal with this morning in the airport. A fellow human didn't appreciate that I jumped a few places in the line to rejoin my wife and daughter with the passports and boarding cards. I had gone to dump some liquids. We were together a family so I kind of assumed it was OK. He really was having a bad day and was very very irate in front of crowds of people in the queues.
Mrs vman said to me ignore him and don't make his problem your problem. It was hard but I let it slide didn't react didn't reply. However was pretty upset with myself though of how mad and angry he made me feel.
Way too much adrenalin.
Not good... at all.
Happy Birthday to you Sao.
A nice respectable age.
Enjoy your free time.
Later weekenders
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
The regret and remorse I felt are still in my mind, just faded til they're not overwhelming anymore. I just live the best life I can so I won't have any more reason for regret or remorse.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Awake - I had 3 DUI's also. The night I got my 3rd one was the last time I ever drank. I understand exactly how you feel right now. I think I cried for about a week straight after it happened. I didn't go to court for about 5 and a half months. By then I had been to IOP, been going to AA multiple times a week and I was in a diversion program that cut my actual jail time down to 13 days with work release, and then 45 days with an ankle monitor (home all the time except for work and pre-planned grocery store, AA Meetings, Treatment sessions). 2 and a half years with an interlock on my car. Yeah, I hated myself. I was so ashamed. I didn't know who the person was who got behind that wheel drunk on so many occasions. It was the lowest time in my life. BUT, that whole episode was the wake-up call I needed to get and stay sober. I got through all the legal stuff, and life is good now. Do what they tell you to do. Be proactive with AA and maybe treatment (I was eventually court-ordered to do outpatient treatment, but I had already been going for two months by then). You'll get through it. Stay sober, and I guarantee you the self-loathing will get better. Everything will get better. Promise. I know how bleak it looks right now. Been there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,670
Happy day Sao.
FORGIVENESS. What I became because of alcoholism turned me into a very sick person (with the added fuel of major depression and self hatred) who did very damaging things. For a time- I died because of this- 3 times that day. I do not think I will ever forgive myself for that pathetic waste of oxygen I became- in point because I gave up. There was me the pre-burns incident, and who I am now. I am made of the same clay- but so much different now. I do not forgive myself- but I do accept ruminating helps no one, and without moving towards forgiving myself- I breach the conditions of my recovery. It is hard- very hard to think kindly of pre-burns me. The ripple effects of my past life haunt me still- where it effects others who have forgiven me- way more than I perhaps deserve, but the guilt and tears are there...last night for instance. I am a fused alloy of what I was and who I am becoming. I almost like me now, but every time I look in a mirror and see the scars of my burns, the self judgement still kicks in. I now know what NOT to do. I know to keep pushing and trying and slowly succeeding and changing. Who better to understand the pitfalls of relapse? Mostly the guilt and anger has been turned into a resolute determination to grow and heal however I can. At times it is very, very hard to put the past in it's place. What I do know is I will never become that which I was. With support such as SR- I grow cautiously and carefully- and what I do know now is since my sobriety (3.5y) no one has had reason to see me in a bad light...and with that I am content and every breath I take I am grateful to grow, heal and where need be, support others. What some may perceive as cliché holds truth for me- that the worst day sober - is so much better than the best day drunk.
FORGIVENESS. What I became because of alcoholism turned me into a very sick person (with the added fuel of major depression and self hatred) who did very damaging things. For a time- I died because of this- 3 times that day. I do not think I will ever forgive myself for that pathetic waste of oxygen I became- in point because I gave up. There was me the pre-burns incident, and who I am now. I am made of the same clay- but so much different now. I do not forgive myself- but I do accept ruminating helps no one, and without moving towards forgiving myself- I breach the conditions of my recovery. It is hard- very hard to think kindly of pre-burns me. The ripple effects of my past life haunt me still- where it effects others who have forgiven me- way more than I perhaps deserve, but the guilt and tears are there...last night for instance. I am a fused alloy of what I was and who I am becoming. I almost like me now, but every time I look in a mirror and see the scars of my burns, the self judgement still kicks in. I now know what NOT to do. I know to keep pushing and trying and slowly succeeding and changing. Who better to understand the pitfalls of relapse? Mostly the guilt and anger has been turned into a resolute determination to grow and heal however I can. At times it is very, very hard to put the past in it's place. What I do know is I will never become that which I was. With support such as SR- I grow cautiously and carefully- and what I do know now is since my sobriety (3.5y) no one has had reason to see me in a bad light...and with that I am content and every breath I take I am grateful to grow, heal and where need be, support others. What some may perceive as cliché holds truth for me- that the worst day sober - is so much better than the best day drunk.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Awesome topic. I practiced on other people who had hurt me until I could work up the courage to forgive myself. After all, I'm no better than anyone else so if they can be forgiven so can I. I had a transcended type moment where I saw that there was nothing to forgive or be forgiven for because we all act out our own pain and that's why we hurt each other carelessly.
It's a package deal though. I have to stay in a mode of extending forgiveness to others in order to stay forgiven myself.
It's a package deal though. I have to stay in a mode of extending forgiveness to others in order to stay forgiven myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 380
Count me in for another sober weekend! What a great topic. Regret and remorse. A great thing I've heard before is you can glance in the rear view mirror... Just don't stare at it. That helps me move forward with so much regret in my past
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