6 years sober
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Huge congratulations to you! I know there have been some very challenging times for you in the past years, and I admire your ability to stay sober in the face of events that are some of the most difficult things to get through, sober or not.
To those wondering about the urges - I have 4 years 8 months and change. I'd say the cravings were gone within a few weeks for me - but the thoughts of drinking persisted for quite some time. To me, there's a difference between a craving and a thought. A craving is an actual physical sensation that my body wants/needs a drink. I didn't have to deal with that for very long at all. But the sort of habitual knee-jerk thoughts of "It's 4:30, time to drink," or "It's the the weekend, time to drink," or "I'm upset, anxious, happy (Insert mood here)" persisted for quite some time. I was good and determined to find ways to put those thoughts where they belonged, in the trash. It was exhausting for a while, it seemed like all I did for a few months was SOBRIETY. It consumed my life, really. But in retrospect, it was exactly what I needed. I really developed some strong sobriety muscles and assembled a pretty hefty toolbox.
These days, I almost never think about drinking, even when I'm in a situation where it's all around me, like at a wedding or something like that. Every so often, I'll have a thought that it might be nice to have a drink, or that a drink would "feel good." Usually I'm hungry, thirsty, tired, or unusually anxious when that happens. So I try to identify what's causing it, and do something to fix that. At the same time, I'll either replay some dark drinking episode in my head real quick, or play the tape forward and picture the shame, regret, and hangover that would surely be the result if I tried to "just have one." It gets easier and easier as time goes on to dismiss thoughts of drinking with little effort. Freedom.
To those wondering about the urges - I have 4 years 8 months and change. I'd say the cravings were gone within a few weeks for me - but the thoughts of drinking persisted for quite some time. To me, there's a difference between a craving and a thought. A craving is an actual physical sensation that my body wants/needs a drink. I didn't have to deal with that for very long at all. But the sort of habitual knee-jerk thoughts of "It's 4:30, time to drink," or "It's the the weekend, time to drink," or "I'm upset, anxious, happy (Insert mood here)" persisted for quite some time. I was good and determined to find ways to put those thoughts where they belonged, in the trash. It was exhausting for a while, it seemed like all I did for a few months was SOBRIETY. It consumed my life, really. But in retrospect, it was exactly what I needed. I really developed some strong sobriety muscles and assembled a pretty hefty toolbox.
These days, I almost never think about drinking, even when I'm in a situation where it's all around me, like at a wedding or something like that. Every so often, I'll have a thought that it might be nice to have a drink, or that a drink would "feel good." Usually I'm hungry, thirsty, tired, or unusually anxious when that happens. So I try to identify what's causing it, and do something to fix that. At the same time, I'll either replay some dark drinking episode in my head real quick, or play the tape forward and picture the shame, regret, and hangover that would surely be the result if I tried to "just have one." It gets easier and easier as time goes on to dismiss thoughts of drinking with little effort. Freedom.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,928
Originally Posted by Venecia 
Thank you, Hodd.
The urge is gone, but I remain vigilant. I know that as a person in recovery, there is a wolf out there somewhere and it's my job to keep that wolf far from my door.
I did have an unsettling experience two years ago. I was at a family gathering where there was a keg of beer and a fair amount of wine. After a while, out of left field, I had the thought that "I could probably have one." That really shocked me. I didn't, of course, but I did step away from the festivities for a while.
Later, I spoke with my counselor (and I think a counselor is a good thing for anyone who has been through what we have) and he pinpointed something for me. We underestimate smell. I had been surrounded by the smell for a protracted period. Sure enough, it played with my head. After all, if you were to smell a delicious apple pie baking in the oven, something deep in your brain would tell you to have a piece.
Another reason to avoid places that serve alcohol, especially in early sobriety.
All the best to you. Seven months is a terrific accomplishment and I am happy for you. Life is so much better for us.
The urge is gone, but I remain vigilant. I know that as a person in recovery, there is a wolf out there somewhere and it's my job to keep that wolf far from my door.
I did have an unsettling experience two years ago. I was at a family gathering where there was a keg of beer and a fair amount of wine. After a while, out of left field, I had the thought that "I could probably have one." That really shocked me. I didn't, of course, but I did step away from the festivities for a while.
Later, I spoke with my counselor (and I think a counselor is a good thing for anyone who has been through what we have) and he pinpointed something for me. We underestimate smell. I had been surrounded by the smell for a protracted period. Sure enough, it played with my head. After all, if you were to smell a delicious apple pie baking in the oven, something deep in your brain would tell you to have a piece.
Another reason to avoid places that serve alcohol, especially in early sobriety.
All the best to you. Seven months is a terrific accomplishment and I am happy for you. Life is so much better for us.
I don’t have a strong sense of smell. A few weeks ago, I picked up a free sample of Spanish sherry and had a good sniff. It smelled nice, and I was impressed I didn’t have a sip. But maybe that’s because I don’t have a strong sense of smell so I certainly wouldn’t recommend others doing that if unsure 😀
And I wouldn’t be shocked at your “having just the one” reaction. That’s normal I guess, but it shows you’re strong to say no.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,928
And thanks to you, MLD51. It sounds like you had more of a drinking habit than an urge. I had both 😀
Even now, I go into my local store and instinctively walk to the corner where the wine is. Then I remember I don’t drink anymore! I can laugh about it now, but it was touch and go in the first few weeks, and I could’ve easily picked up a bottle. Thanks again for the nice story.
Even now, I go into my local store and instinctively walk to the corner where the wine is. Then I remember I don’t drink anymore! I can laugh about it now, but it was touch and go in the first few weeks, and I could’ve easily picked up a bottle. Thanks again for the nice story.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Hi Venecia,
Great post. Congratulations. Can you tell us what resources you used to quit/recover? Was it: The SR forums, therapist, religion, AA, other? Any info you can provide is appreciated. Thanks!
Great post. Congratulations. Can you tell us what resources you used to quit/recover? Was it: The SR forums, therapist, religion, AA, other? Any info you can provide is appreciated. Thanks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by AAPJ
Hi Venecia,
Great post. Congratulations. Can you tell us what resources you used to quit/recover? Was it: The SR forums, therapist, religion, AA, other? Any info you can provide is appreciated. Thanks!
Great post. Congratulations. Can you tell us what resources you used to quit/recover? Was it: The SR forums, therapist, religion, AA, other? Any info you can provide is appreciated. Thanks!
I've probably done things a little out of order.
I actually quit drinking before coming to SR. That said, I was about two months sober and getting pretty shaky. SR saved my life, I am convinced. I pretty much camped out here for a good year. It helped that I had a small but active SR monthly class.
Three years ago, I began seeing an excellent counselor. That has helped me dig deeper on several fronts. I am in touch, digitally, with longer-term sober people daily.
I don't have any surefire answers. Everyone has to create a structure that keeps them sober and healthy.
Three things that have been guiding principles for me since the very early days:
1. I have a better chance of winning an Olympic gold medal in ski jumping than I do of being a "normie." The wiring in my brain doesn't allow it.
2. There's not even a molecule of anything good for me in alcohol. The only thing it will do is control me. End of story.
3. Sobriety offers a new lease on life. Take it.
Hope that is of some help.
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,163
Originally Posted by Venecia
a mostly content life.
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