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Old 08-19-2019, 03:48 PM   #21 (permalink)
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A two months fitness challenge sounds like the ideal way to compliment not drinking, it should help to reduce the desire to drink and improve your sleep which in turn lifts our mood and makes quitting easier so it's all good.

Once you get some sober time behind you it will help see you through any tough days - which everybody has from time to time - as you won't want to throw that time away

Good luck!
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Old 08-19-2019, 04:03 PM   #22 (permalink)
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I know I need to only drink light beers
If you're a drinker like me, you need to drink no beers at all.

Light beer just made me bloated and I'd end up drinking 'heavy' beer anyway, if not that night soon after.

I had to stop hanging around drinkers for a while. It was a tough call, but I really wanted change.

The only way I changed my life, was to change my life, y'know?

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Old 08-19-2019, 07:05 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Yep, I agree the Saturday plan should go out the window. Glad you're taking action to make that happen.

Can you commit to posting here at least once/day? That's really helpful for me; I actually post at least twice daily for the time being - once at the beginning of my day and again at the end. It's a discipline and accountability thing - for myself.

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Old 08-20-2019, 07:10 PM   #24 (permalink)
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How are you getting on, FiF?
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Old 08-20-2019, 10:08 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Oh yeah...to this day (that's a pun maybe) my favorite time to quit or change anything is tomorrow!
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Old 08-21-2019, 04:31 AM   #26 (permalink)
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I want to start cutting down by only drinking on Saturday nights if I go out with friends. I keep pushing it back because every day something seems to come up where I feel I should have a few drinks and relax and start tomorrow. I know how this sounds. I just can't imagine doing total abstinence. I am thinking of committing to thirty days and going from there.
Wow! I can't tell you how much this resonates with me. I know all about "starting tomorrow." I know about the feeling of innocence involved in "having a few drinks just to relax." That was me. Every night my drinking started off with good intentions. I just needed to relax after a hard day, celebrate after a good day, or just an innocently 'take the edge off'.

I also know how much that actually contributed to my eventual downward spiral, where even at my bottom, my drinking always started with an innocent reason. It was one of the biggest things I had to overcome on my path to recovery.

You seem to be a bit more aware than I was, because you're posting here, which suggests you are recognizing you may have to understand where you are at a little better. When I recognized my problem, it never occurred to me to talk to anyone about it. It was always, "I'll start tomorrow." I kept that up for years.

You may not be an alcoholic, and you might be able to drink once a month with friends, but you are wondering about it. Incidentally, most written tests for alcoholism usually include a yes/no question along the lines of, "I sometimes wonder if I drink more than I should." Of course, it's only one of many indicators of a more serious problem, as alcoholics are just as likely to completely deny they give their drinking any thought at all.

So, you can take some time to process your situation some more, but if you are an alcoholic, keep in mind that your only way out of downward spiral is to quit altogether. A bitter pill to swallow? Seems like it right now, but eventually abstinence will seem like a miracle, not only because you found it, but because you never thought it could be so wonderful.
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Old 08-21-2019, 04:41 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Also, keep in mind that blacking out is serious. I've heard it can happen the first time someone drinks, but I think that is rare. I usually think of blackouts as a sign of advanced alcoholism.
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Old 08-21-2019, 08:46 AM   #28 (permalink)
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So, last night my daughter started back with her ballet classes. She used to go once a week but now it's two nights a week. One long standing habit I have is that while she is in class there is a bar really close by. For the last five years, I've always went over and had a couple drinks at that time. My ex husband and I always did it. Since the divorce I've done it alone or meet a friend. I've decided if the weather is good I'm going to go walking or running during that time. I hate to just sit there and wait. Anyways, def going to be a struggle for awhile.
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Old 08-21-2019, 04:57 PM   #29 (permalink)
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yeah it's hard to change and to make choices based on wanting to change - but support helps. You can do this femaleinflorida

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Old 08-21-2019, 07:10 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Great idea!
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:30 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Tough last couple of days

So, my car broke down and had to have it towed. I took it somewhere and they said they fixed it but it broke down again that night. I had to get it towed again to the dealership the next day. I ended up buying a 12 pack and drinking most of it. I couldn't stop stressing about how much my car would cost paired with only having part-time work when I need full-time. I have a good career but not getting enough contract work now. Anyways, I keep thinking I don't need to quit all the way but I definitely do. I downloaded a 45 page recovery guide with lots of helpful info and worksheets to aid in recovery. I'm getting serious now.
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:58 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Femaleinflorida View Post
Anyways, I keep thinking I don't need to quit all the way but I definitely do....I'm getting serious now.
I think it is crucial to accept that you can never drink again. Ever. Or else you are just holding the door open to picking up again.

Take drinking completely off the table as an option for dealing with stress, boredom, reward, sociability , or the hundred and one other excuses we alcoholics like to draw on.
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Old 08-28-2019, 11:17 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Femaleinflorida View Post
... After my divorce about two years ago, I fell apart. I went from drinking 1-3 nights a week with friends to drinking every day...I keep pushing it back because every day something seems to come up where I feel I should have a few drinks and relax and start tomorrow. I know how this sounds... I just got a new job that will keep me really busy so that will be helpful. The last year I had inconsistent work and too much time on my hands! ....
You asked for some advice, so here it is: stop connecting your drinking to anything that's happening in your life. The two have nothing to do with each other. Nothing.

You can't control your drinking because you've crossed the line where alcohol has overwhelmed your system on a molecular level and the only way of stopping is completely stopping. Some people call it a disease, an allergy, the body's adjustment to alcohol at the cellular level...whatever. The point is you can't go back at this point; you've reached the point of no return.

Go ninety days without a drink and you'll find out whether this is true or not.
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Old 08-28-2019, 01:31 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Femaleinflorida View Post
So, my car broke down and had to have it towed. I took it somewhere and they said they fixed it but it broke down again that night. I had to get it towed again to the dealership the next day. I ended up buying a 12 pack and drinking most of it. I couldn't stop stressing about how much my car would cost paired with only having part-time work when I need full-time. I have a good career but not getting enough contract work now. Anyways, I keep thinking I don't need to quit all the way but I definitely do.
those are all excuses i gave myself permission to drink for at least 435 times.
then came a time i crossed the line and didnt need nor care if i had an excuse- i couldnt NOT drink. even when not drinking i couldnt stop thinking about drinking-couldnt stop the mental obsession.
100% complete surrender-admitting and accepting alcohol whooped my ass- was the start of continuous sobriety for me.
then action. lookin at all of the underlying issues alcohol was a symptom of was crucial. that helped me learn what made me tick and what i had to and wanted to change in me- the main being insecurities, fears, and low self esteem.
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Old 08-28-2019, 07:56 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Femaleinflorida View Post
So, my car broke down and had to have it towed. I took it somewhere and they said they fixed it but it broke down again that night. I had to get it towed again to the dealership the next day. I ended up buying a 12 pack and drinking most of it. I couldn't stop stressing about how much my car would cost paired with only having part-time work when I need full-time. I have a good career but not getting enough contract work now. Anyways, I keep thinking I don't need to quit all the way but I definitely do. I downloaded a 45 page recovery guide with lots of helpful info and worksheets to aid in recovery. I'm getting serious now.
Yeah I remember being frantic with worry over money, then buying more booze.

Its a crazy cycle - Good for you for getting serious and seeing that quitting needs to be 100%

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Old 08-30-2019, 03:13 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Welcome, FemaleinFlorida.

My story is a lot like yours, I started drinking after a painful marriage break-up and then never stopped even when life got hugely better. I was working out, made loads of new good friends, was happier than I ever had been in my marriage and eventually even re-married to a lovely man. But I still couldn't stop drinking. My belief is that I had just got myself addicted to an addictive substance so it didn't matter what was going on in life, good or bad, I drank. I managed to control a few times, stop for spells, but always I ended up back in the same place. Hanging out here has helped a lot and things feel different now.

I think you have got off to a great start, your posting is pretty honest, I was looking at my first post on here the other day and even on here I lied about my drinking, minimised it, never mentioned the bottle of wine a night or the terrible messes I was secretly getting into. Yet, despite my dishonesty, I am in a different place. You, with your honesty, can definitely nail this.

Maybe it is time to start believing you can. Welcome aboard.
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Old 09-06-2019, 05:03 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Biggest trigger right now....

My 9 year old daughter is usually sweet and so fun to be with. Love her to pieces but she had been a smartalic brat lately!!!!! I recently found out that she is very upset about my ex being engaged to a women she doesn't like. I think that had something to do with it. Anyways, it drives me up the wall and all I want is to have a couple drinks and ignore her. Doing my best to not argue back but she is very argumentive and won't even stay in her room when I send her as punishment. I know it's time limited and she and I will feel better and move on but my Lord!!!!! Hate this!!!!
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Old 09-06-2019, 05:11 PM   #38 (permalink)
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My 9 year old daughter is usually sweet and so fun to be with. Love her to pieces but she had been a smartalic brat lately!!!!! I recently found out that she is very upset about my ex being engaged to a women she doesn't like. I think that had something to do with it. Anyways, it drives me up the wall and all I want is to have a couple drinks and ignore her. Doing my best to not argue back but she is very argumentive and won't even stay in her room when I send her as punishment. I know it's time limited and she and I will feel better and move on but my Lord!!!!! Hate this!!!!
Iím going through some similar stuff with my 12 y/o daughter. And itís tough, but whatís more interesting to me is what youíre doing about your recovery? If you have a 9 y/o girl in the house, you probably shouldnít be drinking most of a 12 pack huh? She doesnít deserve to be around a drunk mom. My kids saw me drunk a handful of times and it really ripped my heart out the way it affected them. I hope you can commit to some change. Downloading material is a good start but it probably wonít be enough.
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Old 09-06-2019, 05:53 PM   #39 (permalink)
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But you're not drinking, correct? I'm going with that assumption...

She's probably being a brat because she wants your attention, or she senses your nerves, or maybe she's just a brat. In any event, what might you able to do with her that would be fun for you both right now? Or at least peaceful? Could you maybe tell her you see she must be having a rough time right now and actually you are too, so you'd like to think of something to do together for the next hour or two? Like maybe make some popcorn and watch a movie? Or play cards or a board game?

I was definitely not the model mother, but I realize now with hindsight that my daughters just needed me to be present for them as the "steady" one. 9 is the beginning of the really hard years for girls, and I know things are hard for you right now, too. Maybe you guys can figure out a way to work it out.

xo
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Old 09-06-2019, 06:07 PM   #40 (permalink)
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I know I'm repeating myself, but connecting your drinking to what's going on in your life makes continuing to drink almost guaranteed.

I remebering drinking because my car, a Capri, broke down. I drank to celebrate getting a new car. I drank when I pitched a one-hit shut out against the best team in the league because I was so happy; I drank the next week when I gave up nine runs in two innings against the next-to-last team in the league because I f***ed up. I drank because I had no girlfriend; I drank because I had a girlfriend who drank. I drank because work was difficult; I drank when work was meaningless and boring because it was so depressing. I drank because everybody else was drinking, so why not? I drank when I was alone with nothing else to do because the television set was broken. I drank when we got it fixed because I was watching a game and what else are you supposed to do? I drank because I felt like I was wasting my life and talents away. I drank whenever I felt miserable about myself and my life; but I also drank to reward myself for successes.

I remember drinking just because. I vividly remember sitting at the bar and watching my hand reach out for that Pabst Blue Ribbon and thinking, "This stuff is killing me. Why am I doing this?' I remember sitting at the bar and leaving the bottle there, resisting so long it actually got warm, then picking it up anyway. "It's late, nothing else to do, might as well."

Then I had two pathetic Coors drafts with some friends one night and that was it. I stopped drinking. I didn't even know those would be my last drinks. I stopped the next day.
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