Help starting
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: GRAYSLAKE
Posts: 17
Invite your wife somewhere to do something that doesn't involve drinking. Be plain about your intent and your need to get through the weekend, and ask her for her sober company. Based on what you're saying, she will probably agree.
If she doesn't, you'll need to do it without her this weekend. Go to the movies, to the gym, to a park, anywhere really. Or hide away into TV or music or whatever escape you have until the weekend is over. It isn't typical advice but getting through this weekend seems like a big deal. Eat ice cream. Don't drink!
If she doesn't, you'll need to do it without her this weekend. Go to the movies, to the gym, to a park, anywhere really. Or hide away into TV or music or whatever escape you have until the weekend is over. It isn't typical advice but getting through this weekend seems like a big deal. Eat ice cream. Don't drink!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 17
Friday 1 successful. Not as hard as I’d thought. I’m motivated. Still not how sure this is going to go with my wife though. We’ve always drank together. I want to start a new thread on this today if I have time. I’m sure others have been through similar and I really need advice. I don’t want to hurt my marriage getting sober. Sounds ignorant. I’ll explain in later post.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
A lot of people worry about what changes recovery might make to a relationship, especially when only one partner quits, but a lot of people stay sober with a drinking partner.
I think that any lasting relationship is bound to be built on more than a shared love of getting wasted.
I hope you'll find things work out HarvW
D
I think that any lasting relationship is bound to be built on more than a shared love of getting wasted.
I hope you'll find things work out HarvW
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Welcome back Harv - you wouldn't be the first person to go ten days, hope they'd reset themselves, and gone back to drinking only to receive the same results as always.
Eventually I had to accept it was my relationship with alcohol that was rotten and that no amount of time would reset that.
It was hard to swallow (no pun intended ) but I don;t regret the choice I made to leave drinking behind for good.
D
Eventually I had to accept it was my relationship with alcohol that was rotten and that no amount of time would reset that.
It was hard to swallow (no pun intended ) but I don;t regret the choice I made to leave drinking behind for good.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by HarvW 
That’s a tough one for me as my wife is my only real drinking buddy. We’ve been drinking together for 25 years. I think she drinks too much too but never the day binges I go on. And if I didn’t buy it every day she would be fine without.
I really have a great life. I have healthy, strong, smart, well adjusted kids. A gorgeous wife that’s my best friend. A successful business with great employees. Lots of stress that comes with having kids and employees so that’s always my fall back excuse. And it is just an excuse. Truth is I like being drunk. Unfortunately it is a lot of who I am. I just think I’m finally seeing it’s going to catch up to me and I need to get better.
What do you mean it's going to catch up to you? Like how? And what is "get better?" Better than what? What would that look like?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by Dee74
did you read Harvs latest post CR?
I'm all for people keeping open minds - but context is important too ...most people don't sign up here cos they're happy with their drinking
D
I'm all for people keeping open minds - but context is important too ...most people don't sign up here cos they're happy with their drinking
D
Harvey, I guess I'm just wondering what you're not happy with? What sucks about it? Maybe I missed something.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by ColoradoRocky
Hiya Harvey, I was struck by this and don't really see why you think you need to quit drinking. It sounds to me like you're doing fine. It's been working for 25 years. Some people like their beer a lot. Not necessarily a big deal.
What do you mean it's going to catch up to you? Like how? And what is "get better?" Better than what? What would that look like?
What do you mean it's going to catch up to you? Like how? And what is "get better?" Better than what? What would that look like?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 622
Do you really want it to catch up to you?
I know I've been VERY lucky on somethings. All I need to do to prove this to myself is read the morning news about the vehicle accidents the night/morning of. Depending on the time the news is posted you can tell, it caught up to someone and there life is soon to be three hots and a cot with a new roommate/wife for the next 20 or so years.
Plus, I can reflect on the interaction I've had with court system.
I know I've been VERY lucky on somethings. All I need to do to prove this to myself is read the morning news about the vehicle accidents the night/morning of. Depending on the time the news is posted you can tell, it caught up to someone and there life is soon to be three hots and a cot with a new roommate/wife for the next 20 or so years.
Plus, I can reflect on the interaction I've had with court system.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
40 beer weekend
Its not normal to drink all day either and for multiple days but I did that too.
Sure I caught up on my work eventually but that got harder and harder to do the more my addiction progressed and the more years I sailed through things by the hair on my chinny chin chin.
I think you're wise to be concerned about this now rather than later Harv.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by HarvW
By catch up I guess I mean health wise. Or a dui or something. By get better I guess I wish I could be a “normal “ drinker. If there is such a thing. I keep proving to myself that I have a tough time stopping when I start. I’ve drank all day the last three days. I’ve gotten my work done but not to the level I could’ve sober. Now I’ll bust my butt to get caught up before the holiday weekend. I will, but I put myself in these situations by drinking. That’s another reason I need to get better.
Is it possible you're doing some serious damage in other areas of your life, like your relationships, and you aren't even aware of it because you're drinking so much?
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Harv- how is today?? I think you are asking great questions that we all need to face as we know inside our drinking has certainly achieved problematic levels.
CR - respectfully, I'm troubled by your questions- they seem quite challenging, to say the least, to our friend Harv and to more appropriately speak for myself. I have such an extreme alcoholic mind that the kind of suggestions and questions you are posing were among the most dangerous for me - ever.
There is a tough line between realization, processing, back and forth, acceptance...quitting....and I believe what I am trying to say is that supporting each other both gently and frankly is so important as we each figure this out, and hopefully choose sobriety.
Peace all-
A
CR - respectfully, I'm troubled by your questions- they seem quite challenging, to say the least, to our friend Harv and to more appropriately speak for myself. I have such an extreme alcoholic mind that the kind of suggestions and questions you are posing were among the most dangerous for me - ever.
There is a tough line between realization, processing, back and forth, acceptance...quitting....and I believe what I am trying to say is that supporting each other both gently and frankly is so important as we each figure this out, and hopefully choose sobriety.
Peace all-
A
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 598
I think what CR is saying is that Harv is not giving the full story. He has a great life, wife kids, business etc. Everything most people want. He drinks 40 beers over a weekend and the only negative is a bit of work catch-up. Well, call me naive or skeptical but something here does not add up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 17
Been a while
Well, I’m back on here after like seven months. After the last few replies of this thread last year I said eff it and basically drank the rest of the year out. I quit the first Monday after New Years and didn’t drink until March 17th. Like 70 days sober. I’ve drank everyday since March 17th. Back to my 20 beer weekdays and 3-30 pack weekends. Oh, and I lost 30+ pounds while sober so I’m barely eating to keep the weight from coming back.
I’m not even sure why I’m sharing. I think it’s just the guilt I feel in the mornings. By afternoon I’ll feel good and pop that beer and hang with my wife until I fall asleep. Repeat tomorrow.
I’m just rambling. Wanted to get something out there and maybe catch some inspiration.
I love being buzzed. But I really loved the way I felt those two plus months.
I’m not even sure why I’m sharing. I think it’s just the guilt I feel in the mornings. By afternoon I’ll feel good and pop that beer and hang with my wife until I fall asleep. Repeat tomorrow.
I’m just rambling. Wanted to get something out there and maybe catch some inspiration.
I love being buzzed. But I really loved the way I felt those two plus months.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,174
Originally Posted by HarvW
Thanks everyone. Means a lot to hear from others that get it. One day in. Probably one of only a few 24 hour stretches without a drink in months. This weekend will be my big test. Friday to the liquor store after work is like I’m on autopilot. I’ve gotta break the cycle there.
Keep checking in here, so many people that have been there, done that, and racked up YEARS of sobriety. They are like recovery geniuses!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,534
Hi Harv, glad to see you‘ve come back.
Besides for losing those pounds, what else did you love about the way you felt during those two plus months?
We are here for support if you want to give sobriety another go.
Besides for losing those pounds, what else did you love about the way you felt during those two plus months?
We are here for support if you want to give sobriety another go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 17
I loved sleeping all night. My resting heart rate decreased by like 25 bpm. Loved that. I was way sharper mentally. I have a very demanding job with a dozen employees and multiple customers to juggle. I won’t lie, I’m good at it drunk but man, it’s a lot easier sober.
I did find myself working a lot more and not resting and enjoying my family like I do while on the sauce.
I did find myself working a lot more and not resting and enjoying my family like I do while on the sauce.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 18
Like smokers who need something to fiddle with in their hands, I had to buy zero calorie tea (or something like that) so that I could have something to snap open on the car ride home or while grilling or doing anything really, because beer goes with everything. At this point in my early recovery, I need a can in my hand to cope with the habit I had.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
