Im usless
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 622
Well you mention you have rats. Put your substance of choice down and start cleaning. Take the money you save from just one day of not partaking in the use and go purchase traps/cleaning supplies if needed to start removing the rats. If you don't have transportation fine, walk and the exercise can do wonders. Take it one step at a time. No pun intended.
You will feel better doing this and then repeat tomorrow.
You will feel better doing this and then repeat tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens 
Thank you. Just frozen and numb with fear.
Frozen.
Humiliated to death
Frozen.
Humiliated to death
Only you you can change your life. One of the chapters in the AA Big Book is called Into Action. It’s not into thinking, or into wanting, or into hoping.
The best advice you can take is what Controls said. Get into action. Make some, even if seemingly minor, progress today. It will help those feelings of worthlessness. And don’t let that bottle touch your lips.
We’ve all been there and we’re here for you! If I can do it, anyone can!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
I live in a constant state of fear and panic
Im being tortured to death
I get no relief
Just had a flashback
Ive never gotten my life righr.
Now im screwed
I remember when I was 16 telling my mother i felt ugly.
That feeling is back.
Shame based
Im being tortured to death
I get no relief
Just had a flashback
Ive never gotten my life righr.
Now im screwed
I remember when I was 16 telling my mother i felt ugly.
That feeling is back.
Shame based
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Drinking is fear and shame based.
I don’t mean to sound rude, but your feelings are not unique. My mom used to tell me she wished she would have drowned me when I was born. My point is we all have shame, we all have fear. The question is how much longer you want to suffer?
I understand the sadness, the fear, the despair. But do you want to live in that state or are You ready to make a change?
I don’t mean to sound rude, but your feelings are not unique. My mom used to tell me she wished she would have drowned me when I was born. My point is we all have shame, we all have fear. The question is how much longer you want to suffer?
I understand the sadness, the fear, the despair. But do you want to live in that state or are You ready to make a change?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens
I live in a constant state of fear and panic
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 08-13-2019 at 08:20 AM.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,446
Shift, Scott is absolutely right. I kept sabotaging my efforts at recovery because I blamed others for my alcoholism. Also, I felt I didn't deserve a good life, that I wasn't good enough for that.
You are the person who can make the changes and be responsible for your future.
You are the person who can make the changes and be responsible for your future.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
I dont have anything SFW
Im here asking for support because otherwise Im going to hace no choice but to commit suicide.
This is ridiculous this fear and pain
I blamed my ex for giving me alcohol.
Shame/embarassment/fear kept me on guard and defensive.
Im angry at "GOD". I blame him for my suffering.
I cant have a normal life.
I am empty. Cant look in mirror
Im here asking for support because otherwise Im going to hace no choice but to commit suicide.
This is ridiculous this fear and pain
I blamed my ex for giving me alcohol.
Shame/embarassment/fear kept me on guard and defensive.
Im angry at "GOD". I blame him for my suffering.
I cant have a normal life.
I am empty. Cant look in mirror
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Im angry at "GOD". I blame him for my suffering.
Ah yes. I know that one all too well. Been there and done that. Thing of it is, God has literally nothing to do with this. Is He/She /It/Whatever pouring the liquor down your throat against your will? No? Hmmm. I suggest looking in the mirror. That's where you'll find your problem. And your solution. You will stay EXACTLY where you are until you except the fact that YOU and only YOU are responsible for where you are and what will happen with the rest of your life. It's not easy digging out of that hole. But it's not that hard, either. It starts by dumping the booze. You can do it. Lots and lots of us have. And we're here to help.
Ah yes. I know that one all too well. Been there and done that. Thing of it is, God has literally nothing to do with this. Is He/She /It/Whatever pouring the liquor down your throat against your will? No? Hmmm. I suggest looking in the mirror. That's where you'll find your problem. And your solution. You will stay EXACTLY where you are until you except the fact that YOU and only YOU are responsible for where you are and what will happen with the rest of your life. It's not easy digging out of that hole. But it's not that hard, either. It starts by dumping the booze. You can do it. Lots and lots of us have. And we're here to help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Shift, I’ve experienced adverse life events recently, starting drinking again, after two and half years sobriety. I wrote this on my thread earlier. But on reflection, I would note that my fear of stopping drinking, is fuelled by drinking alcohol. I re-post it here in the hope that my experience helps you.
Although, with hindsight, I should’ve called Day 1: Hope and Action Chapter!
Join me, Shift. Today I’m engendering hope. Day 1 tomorrow: I’m stopping drinking and taking action.
Originally Posted by Tatsy
It’s clear my reluctance to stop, despite an opposing overwhelming desire to do so; is fuelled by fear. My fear of an uncertain future, post adverse life changing events. My fear that I don’t possess the ability to cope presently, nor the future capability to deal with the fallout. And my fear that no positive progress is possible, that there’s no tangible light at the end of the black tunnel, to stoically work towards.
So I’ve made a choice, to set fear aside, and to try anyway, by acting hopeful, despite feeling hopeless.
I will replace this FEAR with : Face Everything (with) Action (and hopefully) Rise.
“Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own submerged inner resources. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths.” – Epictetus
Today is the penultimate day: Fear Chapter.
Tomorrow is Day 1: Hope Chapter.
So I’ve made a choice, to set fear aside, and to try anyway, by acting hopeful, despite feeling hopeless.
I will replace this FEAR with : Face Everything (with) Action (and hopefully) Rise.
“Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own submerged inner resources. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths.” – Epictetus
Today is the penultimate day: Fear Chapter.
Tomorrow is Day 1: Hope Chapter.
Join me, Shift. Today I’m engendering hope. Day 1 tomorrow: I’m stopping drinking and taking action.
Stop drinking and give yourself a chance to feel life without the ball and chain of drinking. 
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,174
Your horrible life reinforces your desire to drink. Your drinking reinforces your horrible si
life. The one aspect of this situation you have to change first is your drinking and you can.
If and when you are sober, sit and think through what it will take for you not to drink. If it means you have to spend two hours walking in the evening, do it. Do whatever it takes. I am a chronic alcoholic and it gave me a huge amount of pride and sense of achievement when, after dozens of failures I finally managed to stop drinking long enough for the nightly cravings to subside. I'm sure it would give you a huge mental boost if you could stop too, not to mention all the other benefits to your health and finances.
You have it within you to stop, we all do but it takes a lot of searching for some of us.
You can do it Shift.
life. The one aspect of this situation you have to change first is your drinking and you can.
If and when you are sober, sit and think through what it will take for you not to drink. If it means you have to spend two hours walking in the evening, do it. Do whatever it takes. I am a chronic alcoholic and it gave me a huge amount of pride and sense of achievement when, after dozens of failures I finally managed to stop drinking long enough for the nightly cravings to subside. I'm sure it would give you a huge mental boost if you could stop too, not to mention all the other benefits to your health and finances.
You have it within you to stop, we all do but it takes a lot of searching for some of us.
You can do it Shift.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
This place ia falling down around me. Literally
Dont know what im going to do
I have lost my sense of self and reality
Ive made a jerk out of myself so many times no one takes me seriously
I just want a safe place to be but no ones going to adopt me.
in despair.
I feel guilty and decending into hopelessness. I never want to be abusive but I am
A bunch of bad things turned me into and ungrateful monster. I pushed him out of life
8m overwhelmed
Dont know what im going to do
I have lost my sense of self and reality
Ive made a jerk out of myself so many times no one takes me seriously
I just want a safe place to be but no ones going to adopt me.
in despair.
I feel guilty and decending into hopelessness. I never want to be abusive but I am
A bunch of bad things turned me into and ungrateful monster. I pushed him out of life
8m overwhelmed
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Shift, it’s the alcohol fuelling your despair. I’ve drank huge amounts recently, and as I drank more, the despair escalated. I’ve tapered, because I was afraid of withdrawals, and as I drank less neuro-toxin alcohol each day, a little hope started to grow. I know it’s so desperately hard to do, because the drink drowns out the despair - but it’s also fuelling more despair.
Please, for you, Shift, try to stop today and keep posting here, I found posting really helped, I didn’t feel so alone, with my alcohol driven thoughts of ‘what’s the pint’ and much darker thoughts. They’re not true. As I reduced the alcohol I had a glimmer of a hope, and that placed me in a position to seek sobriety, once more.
Please, for you, Shift, try to stop today and keep posting here, I found posting really helped, I didn’t feel so alone, with my alcohol driven thoughts of ‘what’s the pint’ and much darker thoughts. They’re not true. As I reduced the alcohol I had a glimmer of a hope, and that placed me in a position to seek sobriety, once more.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Thank you. I cant stop beating myself up it feels better though I know it wont change anything
Need a home and a safe place I pushed everyone away and I dont know why
I cant even
be thankful.
Humiliated
I cant even say thank you or i love you
I thought the alcohol would help me relax and feel safe
My whole life Ive felt ugly and lost and disconnected
Need a home and a safe place I pushed everyone away and I dont know why
I cant even
be thankful.
Humiliated
I cant even say thank you or i love you
I thought the alcohol would help me relax and feel safe
My whole life Ive felt ugly and lost and disconnected
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Shift you are certainly not, and no one is, ugly. And if you feel lost and disconnected, that can be changed. I too pushed people away many years ago, before my last sober time, but some, have forgiven me and returned.
Truly, Shift, alcohol doesn’t provide relaxation or safety, if you research it on the internet, chemically in our brains, the alcohol provides a temporary fuzzy feeling, followed by a worse than the previous default position, anxious feeling. Humans feel worse than they were prior to drinking, after the effects of the drink wears off
I know how hard it is, I’m only just emerging from the alcohol fog myself, but I had to post to you, because I can see you’re suffering so much....but for me, the alcohol made everything appear very much worse, hopeless in fact. It’s all Alcoholic Voice lies.
Don’t let the dratted rats win and take over your present home. Please stop drinking, deal with the rats, and I know it doesn’t seem so right now, but from my past experience, things that looked impossible through the lens of alcohol, become possible when sober. You, deserve to give yourself a chance.
Truly, Shift, alcohol doesn’t provide relaxation or safety, if you research it on the internet, chemically in our brains, the alcohol provides a temporary fuzzy feeling, followed by a worse than the previous default position, anxious feeling. Humans feel worse than they were prior to drinking, after the effects of the drink wears off
I know how hard it is, I’m only just emerging from the alcohol fog myself, but I had to post to you, because I can see you’re suffering so much....but for me, the alcohol made everything appear very much worse, hopeless in fact. It’s all Alcoholic Voice lies.
Don’t let the dratted rats win and take over your present home. Please stop drinking, deal with the rats, and I know it doesn’t seem so right now, but from my past experience, things that looked impossible through the lens of alcohol, become possible when sober. You, deserve to give yourself a chance.
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