Empty Nest on the horizon
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
That's kind of a tough one. Are they good enough friends that you can just be honest and tell them you might be too emotional to handle that situation right now? Or maybe suggest something to do other than just sitting around talking?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Originally Posted by MLD51 
That's kind of a tough one. Are they good enough friends that you can just be honest and tell them you might be too emotional to handle that situation right now? Or maybe suggest something to do other than just sitting around talking?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
**MOVE IN DAY** I wish I could say we had a wonderful week of mom and son time. But is was hell. He has been nothing less than a jerk so maybe that's normal. I love him regardless. Hoping I can do this!! xoxox
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I think it's normal that he acted like a jerk. He's feeling emotional, too. And probably isn't mature enough to recognize his feelings for what they are and express them appropriately.
Good luck with move-in day!
Good luck with move-in day!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Well good luck! I'm sorry son has been less than easy but this is probably how he's expressing his anxiety. I do the same thing, so does my kid. When I don't know how to feel, or express how I feel, I get pissy.
My daughter and I are headed to look at her dorm room in 2 hrs with one of her 'suite' mates as well. I feel like a 3rd wheel but I know she wants me there. Its been pretty easy here because she is going to be so close. Literally 30-40 minutes away. I was saying to her yesterday that we'll see each other once a month and she was like 'what? I was thinking like every weekend'. Aw. Haha. I'm sure it'll be me driving there, taking her snack and beverage shopping and having brunch or something.
I have no idea what next Friday night will be like, when I return home and she is officially out. But I'm not gonna sweat it. It'll be ok. I'll be ok. She'll be ok. I'm so grateful she's going to college and is such a smart amazing young lady.
Let us know how it goes! Hang in there.
My daughter and I are headed to look at her dorm room in 2 hrs with one of her 'suite' mates as well. I feel like a 3rd wheel but I know she wants me there. Its been pretty easy here because she is going to be so close. Literally 30-40 minutes away. I was saying to her yesterday that we'll see each other once a month and she was like 'what? I was thinking like every weekend'. Aw. Haha. I'm sure it'll be me driving there, taking her snack and beverage shopping and having brunch or something.
I have no idea what next Friday night will be like, when I return home and she is officially out. But I'm not gonna sweat it. It'll be ok. I'll be ok. She'll be ok. I'm so grateful she's going to college and is such a smart amazing young lady.
Let us know how it goes! Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by joy57
**MOVE IN DAY** I wish I could say we had a wonderful week of mom and son time. But is was hell. He has been nothing less than a jerk so maybe that's normal. I love him regardless. Hoping I can do this!! xoxox
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
MLD-they cancelled!!! YES!!
Move in was Friday and besides having to deal with his dad and step mom it went smoothly.... He is so happy and therefore, I am happy!! I have not cried once since the ride home...
Last night my husband and I went to a Social Distortion and Flogging Molly concert front row!! It was AMAZING... We people watched and the transformation of watching people get drunk and stupid was almost as good as the show.... love to all...
Move in was Friday and besides having to deal with his dad and step mom it went smoothly.... He is so happy and therefore, I am happy!! I have not cried once since the ride home...
Last night my husband and I went to a Social Distortion and Flogging Molly concert front row!! It was AMAZING... We people watched and the transformation of watching people get drunk and stupid was almost as good as the show.... love to all...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by joy57
Hello my fellow SR's...
I've been on SR for six years. On again, off again with the drinking lifestyle. Currently OFF. I'd like to get this thread going as I am known for emotional drinking. When I came to SR my son was 12. He is now 18 and in 10 days he moves into his college dorm.
I'm just taking things one day at a time and dealing with my emotions as they come and go. Trying to figure out the new 'me'. And honestly when he was younger and sobriety never crossed my mind, I used to look forward to being free so I can party or live how I want carefree. I never thought it was an issue because I was never a daily drinker. I now know that doesn't matter, it's how I act when I do drink, and the not being able to be satisfied with a couple, seeking the euphoria that getting wasted provides is never a good idea, blackouts, falls, hangovers, etc... you know the routine. Now it is a scary thought that I do not have to answer to anyone any longer, I no longer have a child under my roof and I have a hard time thinking I can do this with him gone, especially because of the heavy burden in my heart that he is leaving home.
I'll take any advice and trust me, I take it very serious.
I've been on SR for six years. On again, off again with the drinking lifestyle. Currently OFF. I'd like to get this thread going as I am known for emotional drinking. When I came to SR my son was 12. He is now 18 and in 10 days he moves into his college dorm.
I'm just taking things one day at a time and dealing with my emotions as they come and go. Trying to figure out the new 'me'. And honestly when he was younger and sobriety never crossed my mind, I used to look forward to being free so I can party or live how I want carefree. I never thought it was an issue because I was never a daily drinker. I now know that doesn't matter, it's how I act when I do drink, and the not being able to be satisfied with a couple, seeking the euphoria that getting wasted provides is never a good idea, blackouts, falls, hangovers, etc... you know the routine. Now it is a scary thought that I do not have to answer to anyone any longer, I no longer have a child under my roof and I have a hard time thinking I can do this with him gone, especially because of the heavy burden in my heart that he is leaving home.
I'll take any advice and trust me, I take it very serious.
If you've been "on SR" for 6 years now with varying levels of sober time followed by drunkenness, why don't you try something different?
You can search around for programs or plans of recovery which may emancipate you from alcohol altogether.
You should be very proud of your son.
I hope he does great things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
SoberCAH-I have purchased tix to Annie Grace "This Naked Mind Live" in Denver Colorado in just 2 weeks. I've read her book many times. I relate to her as she is a professional mom and just decided it was too much and her research and theories resonate with me. May hit up a SMART meeting tonight but not sure yet, just to have that face to face energy... I'm going to keep on keeping on.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
I drank the night after I dropped my oldest daughter off at college, so I understand the emotional issues.
That was 10 years ago, and during her freshman year I managed to get and stay sober. When I dropped my youngest daughter off at college a couple of years later, I didn't drink.
Now, my wife and I have been empty nesters for a few years. and we have also recently retired so that's another big change. We are both so busy exploring new adventures that we don't know how we ever found time to work!
Entering a new phase of life can be scary. But it can also be immensely rewarding. Doing it sober, helps you appreciate it more.
That was 10 years ago, and during her freshman year I managed to get and stay sober. When I dropped my youngest daughter off at college a couple of years later, I didn't drink.
Now, my wife and I have been empty nesters for a few years. and we have also recently retired so that's another big change. We are both so busy exploring new adventures that we don't know how we ever found time to work!
Entering a new phase of life can be scary. But it can also be immensely rewarding. Doing it sober, helps you appreciate it more.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Well hopefully you didn't include any alcohol in that purchase.
It is a weird feeling. We are all but packed. Leaving tomorrow at 930am. It's a strange, nostalgic kind of feeling. Emotional. But not sad exactly. Natural, and freakishly weird at the same time. She is very needy but neither of us seem to know what to do. Its kind of like, can we just go back to being 2 years old today, I'll take you to the park, go for ice cream and then cuddle and read? But no, we can't do that. So we got coffee. There's this strange desire I think to turn the clock back, if only for a few hours, but that can't happen. And I mean, for pete's sake, she's 40 minutes away. This is much harder for her really than for me. Or, I can't show that its hard for me. Just exciting and I'll be there whenever she needs me. But really? I can't do that. Ugh. And she doesn't want to see her dad at all. So I'm kinda stuck here trying to be all connecting and supportive and I honestly don't know how to feel. Anyway, its symbolic and weird. And exciting. And weird. Did I say weird?
But drinking? I mean, I'm an alcoholic. That would devastate her. And it would devastate me. Not even gonna happen. I'm the adult here. And damn it, I'm going to act like one.
Hang in there.
It is a weird feeling. We are all but packed. Leaving tomorrow at 930am. It's a strange, nostalgic kind of feeling. Emotional. But not sad exactly. Natural, and freakishly weird at the same time. She is very needy but neither of us seem to know what to do. Its kind of like, can we just go back to being 2 years old today, I'll take you to the park, go for ice cream and then cuddle and read? But no, we can't do that. So we got coffee. There's this strange desire I think to turn the clock back, if only for a few hours, but that can't happen. And I mean, for pete's sake, she's 40 minutes away. This is much harder for her really than for me. Or, I can't show that its hard for me. Just exciting and I'll be there whenever she needs me. But really? I can't do that. Ugh. And she doesn't want to see her dad at all. So I'm kinda stuck here trying to be all connecting and supportive and I honestly don't know how to feel. Anyway, its symbolic and weird. And exciting. And weird. Did I say weird?
But drinking? I mean, I'm an alcoholic. That would devastate her. And it would devastate me. Not even gonna happen. I'm the adult here. And damn it, I'm going to act like one.
Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
I'm so glad I put this out there so that we can support each other during this major transition in our lives. No I did not include alcohol in my cart but I was right in front of the alcohol aisle when I broke down. Lol my son and I have a somewhat strange relationship because of the dual household I guess. he is not very communicative and I have to beg for his responses. I'm sure what time that my brain will get tired of feeling these hurt feelings in I will naturally gravitate any more positive direction. I reached out to my fellow moms whose children have also gone off to college and received several invitations to go out and drink tonight. My excuse today was I'm taking care of my elderly handicapped neighbor. It worked.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Well good on you for not buying booze. Wouldn't have helped anyway so what's the point?
Sitting here with my daughter....it's all good. I would imagine your son communicates with dad more....or maybe. I dunno. Boys and girls are so different. I actually wish mine would just go take a shower so I can let myself relax a little. Not think about what she's thinking about....or whatever. haha.
Sitting here with my daughter....it's all good. I would imagine your son communicates with dad more....or maybe. I dunno. Boys and girls are so different. I actually wish mine would just go take a shower so I can let myself relax a little. Not think about what she's thinking about....or whatever. haha.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,278
Joy and Entropy , I can so relate to this thread, and to what the two of you are going through.
I went through absolute hell when my daughter left home to study - and it's going on 5 years now.And it's far away - 4 hours' drive. I think what kept me sane was still having my son, the youngest , at home. He is finishing his 2 year diploma this year - I was so lucky to have him here while he was studying - the college is a block away from home.
Now my husband wants him to continue studying next year - and to join his sister in another province. I know it will be good for him. He needs to spread his wings and get out from under mine. And I thought going through this a second time, with a second child, would be easier - but it's not. !!!
Positive thinking and reinventing yourself, engaging in activities you always dreamt of but didn't have the time for ... are all things that help. But the one thing that helps me most is looking at my children and feeling so pleased and proud that they are living productive lives and pursuing their dreams.
The moment in the grocery store you had, brought tears to my eyes. I get it / you ... I had it the other day when I bought his favourite snack and thought " I won't be doing this much longer"
At least we have each other's shoulders to cry on. Thinking of you
I went through absolute hell when my daughter left home to study - and it's going on 5 years now.And it's far away - 4 hours' drive. I think what kept me sane was still having my son, the youngest , at home. He is finishing his 2 year diploma this year - I was so lucky to have him here while he was studying - the college is a block away from home.
Now my husband wants him to continue studying next year - and to join his sister in another province. I know it will be good for him. He needs to spread his wings and get out from under mine. And I thought going through this a second time, with a second child, would be easier - but it's not. !!!
Positive thinking and reinventing yourself, engaging in activities you always dreamt of but didn't have the time for ... are all things that help. But the one thing that helps me most is looking at my children and feeling so pleased and proud that they are living productive lives and pursuing their dreams.
The moment in the grocery store you had, brought tears to my eyes. I get it / you ... I had it the other day when I bought his favourite snack and thought " I won't be doing this much longer"
At least we have each other's shoulders to cry on. Thinking of you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
I understand your pain, and it is really painful when you have an empty nest. My son moved out a few years ago and my daughter a few months ago, both doing well. I had been a mother for 26 years, I know I'm still a mother but the whole routine of my life disappeared. Initially I missed caring for them, cooking and cleaning and making sure their life is comfortable between school etc.
It takes a while but I promise you it eases in time and you will start enjoying forging a new life for yourself - it's something I've never had and now I love it and hope they don't ever want to come home! Not having the pressure of having to be a perfect mum is keeping me more sober I think. And HRT lol. It will be ok I promise x
It takes a while but I promise you it eases in time and you will start enjoying forging a new life for yourself - it's something I've never had and now I love it and hope they don't ever want to come home! Not having the pressure of having to be a perfect mum is keeping me more sober I think. And HRT lol. It will be ok I promise x
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
