Clarity51

I keep relapsing. I don't know what to do. I drank saturday and all day sunday. Finally passed out last night. I have to go to work or i will lose my job. Im drinking coffee right now but i feel like absolute hell. And still partly drunk. My eyes are swollen because i started crying last night and couldn't stop. Those of you who have read my posts in the past know that my job is aware of drinking problem and i went to outpatient treatment. They gave me a other chance. Ive had 3 slips after having 97 days sober which they dont know about. I cant lose my job i have a daughter to support. I wish i could call in and recover today but thats impossible. Terrified right now.

WinterCamper

Get through the day any way you can Katlyne. You owe it to your daughter. Then tonight rather than drinking do some research and reading and thinking about sobriety, relapses and slips. I don't think you "keep relapsing." I think you never really have stopped drinking so what you are experiencing are, for the most part, not relapses. After 97 days, the first drink could perhaps be labeled a relapse, but I'm thinking your sobriety has not really taken hold. Anyway, food for thought about the words you use to describe your drinking. "Relapse" can sometimes sound more clinical and sound less harmful than "I'm still drinking." Stay with us Ktlyne. Get through the day any way you can.

Dee74

I'm sorry Katlyne.
Where do you stand on meeting/people based methods like AA or SMART or Lifeing?

might be worth a try?

D

instant

I hope you find the strength for today.

Self blame was a trap for me- supported the ‘who am I kidding’ ideas

Clarity51

I dont know how i can go to work! I took a shower and literally had to crawl out with conditioner still in my hair i got so weak!

Misssy2

Unfortunetly, I know this problem too well...I worked for a company for 19 years and the first 10 I was in rehab or detox every single year....and my job knew about the drinking cause I told them....

Its rough to go back to work after drinking all weekend but after you get thru this day....you will be grateful you WENT to work instead of calling in ...because if you called in you would probably have done what I used to do....called in and then drank more.

At least you got a break from drinking today (if you managed work all day).
After 2 day benders like that I could not just stop...I would probably come home have a COUPLE (much less than I did all weekend) and go to bed early and try again tomorrow.

but if you can...come home and eat something and get to bed early that would be better. I feel your pain

Jim1958

I agree with previous posters, go to work and just try to get through the day. I had to do that many times. I did not want to call in sick and make my employer think I was unreliable. I missed work at times from being hung over. Just get through the day, and then start again one day at a time. If you made it 97 days you can do it, you have proved that. Best wishes to you.

SoberRican

Boy if that os not a classic example of playing the tape. I'm telling you that's what's kept me from not drinking again I have 93 days and I totally feel for you it sucks. Booze all weekend now you got to try to recoup so just tough it out drink some water at work take some pain relievers or something if you don't take those very often cuz they're not good for you if you booze a lot get home eat a little something soup whatever drink some water get some rest reset yourself just for today don't drink tomorrow's another day and so on and so on keep coming back

Clarity51

I couldnt go. I just sent my boss a text. God, i hope i dont lose my job. I feel like the worst person in the world right now.

wildflower70

I think you did the right thing...

I know some others encouraged you to push through the day, but the one main thing to consider is....are you still drunk? A lot of DUI's happen the morning after. Don't make the situation worse by getting into a vehicle and jeopardizing your life, or someone else.

Make this your new Day 1....rest, hydrate, and don't drink!!

KissMyTiara

I can relate to the feeling of weakness. There were several morning afters where I was so weak I couldn't even walk, my knees would buckle under me. It would be dangerous for you to drive a car. You could faint.

Clarity51

Thanks, wildflower. Yes...still feel slightly drunk. Also, panicked. Texted my boss but havent heard back. Im supposed to be there at 9 so i will have to call her if she doesn't text back. I really dont want to have to talk to her right now. I hate lying and it bothers me very much to do so. Plus, i am assuming they will be suspicious based on the fact they know im alcoholic. I was on probation at work for 3 months. Successfully completed it a d was done in June. Idid good while going thru out patient and was gping to 4 AA meetings per week. Now ive only been going to 1 per week. Obviously, this is not enough. I will have to start going everyday again.

Clarity51

Thanks everyone, for your replies. I appreciate it. Dealing with overwhelming anxiety right now. I will have to call my boss.

WinterCamper

Katlyne, unless there is some other arrangement with your employer, all you need to say is that you are not feeling well and cannot come to work. That is the truth. I think addicts too often share too much information with their employers and others about what ails them. Everyone else just get to call in sick but you are supposed to bare your soul? Discrimination against addicts is illegal for very good reasons. I hope things work out ok at work and that you take today to heal yourself as much as possible. I'll be thinking about you today and keep coming back here and letting us know how it is going today.

Anna

I'm sorry you're struggling so much today, and I know the chaos that alcoholism causes in life. I hope that things are okay with your boss. While you are home today, try to come up with a good plan that will keep you from relapsing.

Clarity51

Thanks you guys! This is the worst feeling in the world. I drank the last 2 beers i had just to help with anxiety and physical symptoms. Now i got some ice water and will try to drink that. Its rimes like this i realize just how sick i truly am. And stunned that i question whether or not im an alcoholic. If this is not alcoholism...i dont know what is.

KissMyTiara

I'm sorry you drank those two beers this morning. If you are like me that would be the start of an all day bender. 2 wouldn't be enough.

Gettingcloser

I understand drinking those two beers. I thought you might when you called in to work. The only way I wouldn't drink would be to go in on a Monday morning to work and go through withdrawals at work. If I stayed home I was definitely drinking. A lot of us have been where you are and can completely relate.
Many of us are success stories and have overcome the horror of day one. You can totally be there too. Stay close and post often.

Hevyn

Katlyne - I'm so glad you posted about what's going on.
I remember those horrific days so clearly. I once had the respect of everyone I worked with, but let them all down with my behavior. Showing up for work armed with mints, eyedrops, perfume....assuming no one would know. I'm sure my behavior gave me away. Also, the shakes - trying to get a spoonful of soup up to my mouth when having lunch with my boss stands out as a special memory.
I was stubborn - but in the end, when I was drinking every day, I had to admit that the anxiety from trying to appear sober & keep up with my work was far worse than facing the world sober. I don't know how I could have ever thought of it as an answer.

Now you'll be more determined than ever to get free. You can do this, Katlyne!

Newbeginning421

Just get through the day and you never have to feel like this again. You can do it! You might feel like hell just got to tough it out. Just remember how you feel right now and think about it next time you are thinking about drinking.