DreamCatcher17

Hello Everyone,

I have been sober for 22 months.
I have no desire to drink.
I am no longer in therapy, we decided I needed more of a friend to bounce things off of. We did get to the root of some issues and I am more self-aware.

I have found myself, my mind really, going a bit backwards.

I do not have the steps of AA in front of me.

The ones that I have lived by have gone to the wayside for about a year.
1. When wrong, promptly admitted it
2. I am more argumentive
3. I am blaming others, pointing the finger at others
4. not looking inside myself, not looking at my flaws (faults)
5. Lack of emotions- The good love ones. I am quick to anger when things do not go my way.

So,
I am back in AA. I have gone 3 times this week
I am back to my books, daily meditation, journaling.
I am trying to come at conversations with love VS anger
I need to STOP trying to CONTROL my life and give it to GOD.

Life happened rather quickly and I forgot the basics.
It will probably happen again
Knowing I can come here or AA and speak to people who have been where I am in very encouraging.

Have a blessed day,
DC

Anna

DreamCatcher, how good that you realized what was happening and stopped things right away. Your plan sounds good and you sound focused. I know for me that my recovery has never been a straight line, but when I find myself going backwards, it's a learning situation for me.

Callas

Well, despite everything the no desire to drink is big. Well done.

DreamCatcher17

Thank you.
The not drinking part is easy, honestly.
It is the changed behavior and how quickly I can resort to my old thinking. Thus why it must always remain in the forefront.

I appreciate you always being here.
Thank you!

PeacefulWater12

Great awareness and plan of action.

SoberRican

Yeah when we quit drinking the other side is doing push ups . to try to get us to booze. That being said we have to stay on our game. That means putting in the work. Now for me I dont go to aa . I am going the independent route with fam and this site as a crutch per se. And That has worked for me. I am on day 89. And with that I will keep coming back.

MLD51

When I don't go to meetings for a while, I actually can feel myself going backwards a little. I have only been to a couple this whole summer, mostly because it's just about the busiest summer ever. But also because I haven't made it a priority. I can feel it. I will miss two more of my weekly meetings this week and next week, because I'm going on a vacation to San Francisco. But I'm fully committed to getting back to my meeting routine as soon as possible. And in the meantime, I'll be doing more reading from my big book and 12x12. Complacency is dangerous. I don't have any desire to drink, but not drinking is only a part of my recovery.

entropy1964

That is great DC. I relate very much.

Hevyn

Thank you for a very helpful post, DC.
Congratulations on your 22 mos. of freedom.

Dee74

I think it's great you have the willingness for continued self improvement - thats very important to me too DC

D

PhoenixJ

DC- I get it. My recovery (3.5y) has intense bursts of emotional and cognitive growth- filled up with intervals of boring, humdrum everyday life. At such times of nothing much at all seeming to happen, that is where complacency can sneak in. I went to both SMART and AA meetings with great zeal at first- then after 2y just AA- 4-5 times a week. I go weekly to my homegroup(am treasurer) and check in at SR usually twice a day, now more out of want, not perceived need- but the implication of complacency is always there. There will always be highs and lows, so to speak- and I think it is very good you have picked up on the need to continue to keep growing. Some find their comfort zone in meetings, and do not stray from what they say or do- out of fear of relapse. I find for me, I need to challenge myself daily- to move out of my comfort zone, because I think that would also tempt me to isolate- an image of myself playing PlayStation games for hours every day (which is the exact reason I do not have one)- where the days and weeks turn into months and years. It sucks somedays- but it is a helluva lot better than drinking.
Support to you.

Misssy2

Probably "time" for me also to get back to basics...I haven't taken the leap to re visiting all the AA meetings in my area....something I was thinking about today...pretty heavily.

So your post may have been the push...lets see what I do this weekend..I do know on Saturdays there is a womans meeting a mile from my house...I really have no reason that I should not go

DreamCatcher17

Hey missy,
Did you go to a meeting?

Since i posted this I have been to 5 and I found a home group. Still on the hunt fora sponsor though.

Atlast9999