ShiftHappens

Ive been drinking basically all month first thing in the morning.

I simply can not suffer anymore, and if I dont drink I lay here and suffer.

If I die I die, but no more pain. I've suffered enough. I don't care who thinks Im a loser anymore

Dee74

I hope you decide to look for another solution.
Drinking as self medication is like painting your world black.

There are no easy solutions to chronic problems - it like trying to untie decades old knots...but I think you're worth the effort SH

Don;t be afraid to look for, and ask for, help from all quarters

d

Hope1989

Ask for help. Don't be afraid. You'd be surprised how understanding and helpful people can become. And every day you will feel a little bit better.

ScottFromWI

Call 911 if you have to. You can't see the way out when you keep drinking, so you need to get somewhere that can get the alcohol out of your system. I have been there - drinking every day and drinking in the morning, and you CAN get out of that cycle if you really want to.

thomas11

I don't think you are a loser, I think you are an alcoholic, like the rest of us here. Sounds like you are in deep, I hope you pull yourself out of it. Medical detox may be your best bet? Stay on SR, post often.

ShiftHappens

Thank you everyone.

I cant cope wirhout a detox drug and the other day when I went to fill the prescription they said due to a new law in my state my insurance couldnt fill it for 3 weeks? So my only option was to pay 230.00 for the script.

Cant work it into my budget and I 'm just desperate for peace and sleep. Desperate.

2muchpain

I think you should really consider admitting yourself into a detox center for a week. You will definitely find the peace and sleep you want. John

doggonecarl

What's three weeks of drinking going to cost you?

biminiblue

I think "desperate" is why there are Emergency rooms, SH. You qualify.

Desperate alcoholism is also why AA exists, and I think you qualify there, too.

It's free.

I went to meetings every day for the first four months. It was comforting and I made it through those horrible first few days without drugs. Some days I sat in three or four meetings. I went to AA parties and AA picnics and AA social events. They get it.

Won't you at least call?

Blessings.

eve123

Hawkeye13

Wishing you some peace and sleep SH--insomnia and post quit anxiety are my most dreaded withdrawal symptoms.

I had to taper several times without support or meds and what I did was distract myself with reading, jigsaw puzzle, lots of hot showers, cooking small meals frequently and making myself eat, walks outside,journaling, etc.

I found it very comforting to have old movies or sitcoms playing on the tv even if I wasn't paying attention in the wee hours as I paced. Cups of hot herbal tea and hot chocolate also helped.

It does improve gradually but you can't give in and have something "to take the edge off" anxiety or sleep or you just reset the pain.

You can do it and I don't think drinking three more weeks is a good idea at all. You would spend the cost of the script, or most of it just on purchasing alcohol for three weeks. What do you think?

entropy1964

I think you posted about rehab being 50k or something in the US so you are in the US I'm assuming.

You have options for sure. The 230 for the prescription is a bargain deal if you're willing to self detox...frankly you are lucky to have the prescription because often, once a person adds alcoholic to their record, drs will no longer write the prescription. Which makes sense because many of us drink AND take the drugs which is potentially lethal.

If that isn't an option there are usually low cost/no cost detox facilities available unless you are very rural. I live in a state that is probably one of the worst for social services but we do have a low cost detox and a salvation army. They aren't pretty but they get the job done. I know because I've done it multiple times. You can go to the ER too and they can start your detox. The social workers can then help place you in a detox center.

You have options. It just doesn't feel like it.

ShiftHappens

I have dogs and no one to care for them if I go.

I guess Im in God's hands

WinterCamper

The God's hands business doesn't make any sense. Rise, get up and start making some decisions. Pretend it is time to go get some booze. Take your dogs to a shelter and release them for now. They are probably not being cared for properly anyway if your description of your condition is accurate. Then get yourself to some sort of emergency medical provider - an ER or a detox or urgent care. Tell them everything and be honest. That is all you can do at this point if you want to live. I know you want to live because you keep posting here and grasping for connections, which we are all willing to give you. Get up and move towards to the door SH.

PinnacleOR

I have dogs too, there are always options. EMTs will take care of that for you if you just call them for help. I hope you do.

biminiblue

I went to AA meetings and my animals were fine without me for a few hours.

It's free.

People will comfort you, just look up a meeting and show up. No pressure, you don't even have to say one word. Just listen.

God is in those rooms. I believe that.

Hawkeye13

When I got sober, I think I did it more for my dogs than myself at first.

I knew I had to care for them even if I wasn't feeling like I deserved to care for myself--it was a great motivator to get out of the bottle and the quicksand of hopelessness I was in.

What about getting sober for them? They love and need you.

Newbeginning421

I used to be in the same spot and I can tell you now on day 83 it is night and day in terms of my thinking and my future prospects. Another thing to consider and don't mean to sound dark but what if you don't die and just end up sick physically for a number of years with all sorts of health issues. Death ok your gone and no more pain but have you seen alcoholic illnesses they are not pretty and often end up chronic after too much damage has been done. It is something my friend said to me and really resonated with me when I did not care if I lived or died but for sure I did not want to be chronically ill.

I was stubborn and did not believe when everyone told me how much better it gets but use the logical part of your brain. If everyone here is telling you the same thing is it possible that it is your brain that is off? Sure was with me and using that logic that the entire world was not wrong, I was wrong my life is indescribably better even in early sobriety. Goodluck!

ScottFromWI

You can't care for your dogs if you don't care for yourself. There are temporary shelters they could go do while you are away. Prayer can help, but make no mistake that the outcome of your situation is 100% a result of the choices you make today. Continually finding excuses to put off quitting and continue drinking is a choice too.

Fusion

As someone with dogs (who has been praying although I’m not sure what too) and who is putting off the quit drinking decision, whilst ‘tapering’ because of lack of detox drugs: this really spoke to me. A wake-up call, thank you.

Shift, you have a prescription, a withdrawal safety net. Not paying for the script seems to me to be a false economy, because the cost can be offset by the three weeks of alcohol you won’t purchase drink. Your life is worth more than money.

And no, I don’t believe you’re a loser either. Alcohol is a depressant, though