daisy33

I have been trying to quit for about 2 years, but i haven't had a drop for 47 days. One of the hardest things is that i feel like someone is waiting for me to fail. Having faith in myself is tough.

DriGuy

At worst, people may be holding their breath, but it's not because anyone wants you to fail. We know from experience that making the leap to recovery often takes time and a string of failed attempts. I struggled with my drinking for a long time. To an outsider, it may have looked like one day I just quit. It even looked like that to me at the time. It may have seemed simple enough, but I suffered a long time to get to the point where I suddenly turned my life around.

Like you, I had the feeling that people were waiting for me to fail, and this may have helped me, because I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction. However, it's entirely possible that my perception of others was entirely wrong. Yeah, I think everyone in my AA group really wanted me to succeed. And that's what you will find here. And we here gain something from it too. I've heard people mention words like "inspired by the success of others." It's kind of understated, I think, but those comments jump out at me, because I know what they are talking about.

Dee74

Having faith in yourself is tough, but I found the more things I accomplished sober the better I started to feel about myself. I hope that starts to happen for you too Daisy

D

daisy33

It is getting easier to believe that I can be strong for myself. I feel like I am making better choices and that some of the people in my life are no longer watching for something bad. The people who are still hesitant have less of my time. Now that I can see the difference I choose positive people. 🙂

Dee74

Yay

D

Natom

Every single minute of every single day. At the moment my entire life is consumed with regret and shame and guilt. The woulda, shoulda, coulda's of my life. Stopping drugs for me might as well be the first step in a 100,000 mile hike. The moment the coping mechanism is gone and all the things you dampened down begin to surface you have to address them or risk using and/or drinking again.

Alcohol and drugs started as the solution to a multitude of problems. Then over time they stopped being a solution and became a problem. So now I just have more problems. I saw a quote the other day that said addiction is so intimate that when you leave it behind you're killing the only part of you that knew how to survive.

We need to find a new way of living and stopping the drugs and/or alcohol is only the first step. I wish you the best in your recovery.

Natom

PhoenixJ

small steps, Daisy.

support to you

lessgravity

Good stuff, thank you for following up. Congrats on the sober time. It gets better.

Mummyto2

DriGuy

I haven't experienced sobriety quite the same way. But I'm fully aware that many others have experienced early sobriety as you have. The light comes on, and what you see is pretty ugly.

I don't know if this is an accurate perception. I'm not saying it's not. It may be ugly or tolerable, but perception is everything. Logically to me, reality is impartial and detached. It has no malice or evil intent. It's just there. This isn't exactly comforting. Life isn't there to cradle you with love and understanding. It has no mind or brain to even concoct such ideas.

But you have already spotted one good thing that you did that reality didn't. You fixed one thing about yourself. You could fix one thing, and you can begin fixing other things too. You won't fix them all. No one can do that, but you can start making things better. You have an effect on your reality.

For me, I like reality. Yeah, I see the bad parts of it's impartial uncaring design, but I'm comfortable in it, and it's malleable enough for me to wring some good things out of it, enough that I can say I'm quite happy.

Please don't give up hope. God knows if I can do it, you can do it.