Slipped last night.
 

So, after 500+ days abstinence from alcohol, I slipped last night on a date. I felt anxious and caffeinated.. shaky. We went to the Hyatt Regency rooftop skyline bar, and she wanted drinks before dinner. At this point, I had already decided I'd give it a try (due to stupidity).

I realized that I don't like alcohol. I was taking note of how I felt as I drank my first beer... I simply felt like I was just getting more relaxed, or tired right after a sugar rush. Took me close to an hour to finish it. It was blah. My date was on her 2nd strong drink and I hadn't finished my beer. I ordered a second beer, but couldn't finish it. I didn't like how I felt through the rest of the night. I wasn't sharp.

It just doesn't do anything good for me. I'm just going to drop it before it pulls me down. I still have life patterns and routines to work on... Those feelings of nervous weakness I'd associated with alcohol cravings, I have realized, are more due to lack of quality food calories. It's much better to grab a snack than a beer. I'm hoping to maintain this mentality. ..Some semblance of sanity in this insane world. I've changed my perspective of the world quite a bit over the last year.

I don't know if you've been dating a while or if this was your first step back into that world.

Be careful. Maybe you aren't ready to date? Or maybe plan dates around non drinking activities?

I just say this from experience. Ok, it was no big deal, those beers. You didn't like them. Addiction is a sneaky enemy. I'd take a close look at your logic. Just a suggestion.

Sorry to hear that you drank last night but good for you to get back here the very next day instead of letting it slide into something much worse. You posted many times about sober social life. So I know that you know that it's maybe the main thing that you need to address. I know that for me being a family man and stuck at home most all of my life certainly helps me avoid the kind of situations where the temptation that you have to face is present. Alas we all have our different battles.

Once again good on you for showing up here. Don't let your disappointment inh aving drank cascade into anything other than what it is. A mistake you made that you can turn your back on and continue on the path of sobriety.

I'm sorry that happened. I wonder why you decided it would be okay to drink after 500 days of recovery? Maybe dating is a bit too stressful at this point? It's something to think about. I'm glad you're getting back on track.

Pulling up on that second strong one was a good sign of better things to come.
As for this insane world, alcohol is surely a major contributor.

I'm sorry you drank but I'm glad you've decided to recommit yourself to full recovery :)

D

Glad you posted. After that many days clean I guess I would be like a child again, drinking for the first time.

I feel lk,e the first few times I drank, I had to force it down. I never drank for taste. Booze always tasted like gas to me. I drank to get drunk.

Now that I got over the physical addiction, I feel like a non drinker. I was under the control of booze.

Now i still feel the pull, but post li,e your remind that if we can just keep clean for a good long time, we will not like what we taste and feel if we slip.

Thanks.

The silver lining to this is you don't seem to really care for alcohol and the way it makes you feel anymore and did not go on a bender like many alcoholics. Can be seen as a positive as your much less likely to pick up again

My thoughts are it is a very good sign that you didn't like it....because the first time I drank after 8 years....I liked it...and I kept toying with it...and it almost killed me about 6 x...in the past 6 years AT LEAST...

Don't EVER think you lost your 500 days..you have so much that you gained from those days...and many more to come.....so you have 500-1 day....or 501-1 day.....don't make it a BIG deal or you will spiral.....

Thank you all. Previous to this slip, I had gone out to places where people have fun with or without drink (creek, beach, and restaurant bar), and realized I can have just as much fun, or more fun without booze. Had just been very reclusive. I'm a natural extrovert with social anxiety, but once I'm out and talking, it's great! I don't want to feel strangely and artificially slowed and dumbed down by booze. It felt like an evil spirit was coursing through my body half way through my first drink. It makes me miss parts of conversations, and kills my memory. I'm okay without it.

sobersolstice,
i wonder what you mean when you say that you had already decided to “give it a try” due to stupidity?
stupid or smart or bright or dim or anything on that continuum...i have not seen that determine whether anyone gives it a “try”or not. intelligence or lack thereof is not a cause of drinking.
so i think you would be better served to check on yourself thoroughly and look to see what took you back to drinking?
and for myself, i had long passed the point of liking it or not, and i think there is great danger in considering it a good thing you didn’t “like it” . almost as if drinking again only really matters if we like it and have too much.

So glad you posted here. I think it’s good you recognized right away that you didn’t like it. But Fini raises a really good point. As others have said, don’t make a big deal over this but do some inner reflection, think about what you learned from the slip and what you would do differently next time.

I could be wrong, but it seems like part of this slip was feeling peer pressure on the date, trying to impress and not being completely comfortable with your nondrinking self. It took me a very long time to be proud of my nondrinker status and to realize I don’t owe anyone any explanation regarding my reasons for not drinking. I choose when and what to share and don’t apologize for not drinking. People either accept me or they don’t. I’be been married a long time. But I would not want to date someone who is either uncomfortable with my not drinking or is a heavy drinker himself.

Fini: Semantics of the notion of dumb/stupid aside... just a figure of speech. I knew it wasn't the right move, and said f-it. Not smart imo.

Anyway, I haven't wanted to drink the last couple days, so I'm going to keep truckin'.

At lunch today, I was listening to a 20-something pair of girlfriends that were talking about their boyfriends drinking too much and how embarrassing some events have been and that they're leaving them.

As a single guy dating, that was more reinforcement to never revert to those ways again.

To be completely honest, the fact that I just had 1.3 makes it easier to roll my defense down, but I stay steadfast. This is the biggest challenge... "I went out and only had one!". The focal point of my AV. *I know what you're doing*. I just don't want to, and know it's dangers. I've recently started liking myself, lol.. so I'm going to keep that thought rolling.

I know others have already said it but.... Be Careful.

It's a classic AV trick - that this time will be different. It won't. Not if you are like the rest of us..... Maybe some people can just have one or two and then leave it alone again. I can't.

No woman is worth throwing it all away. And the one who would be worth it, wouldn't want you to.

Thanks for sharing. I need to read these stories. I have stopped drinking in the past for months (also around 5 years with two pregnancies/breastfeeding of 2 kids). Then, I took the first drink that did not taste that nice. Like no drug 'tastes' nice the first time. The same way the first cigarette I lit after years of not smoking felt disgusting, but I still smoked it and was back smoking 3 months later. Obviously, the same story with my drinking.

It is great insight that you know this is your AV talking.