Relapsed badly
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Don't drink. It will only make things worse. The best thing you can do is start again. What can you do differently this time?
You can do this. I had a hard time, but eventually I got sober. It's not always easy. But it's possible.
Sending you good thoughts.
You can do this. I had a hard time, but eventually I got sober. It's not always easy. But it's possible.
Sending you good thoughts.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 162
It is the shame and the self hatred and knowing I look as bad as I feel. I don't know why I picked up. I lose days. Everything hurts and the disease is the medicine. I have done this so many times. Rinse and repeat.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
I know how awful the shame and self-hatred feels, but you need to step away from it or it will lead you back to drinking more. You can do this, and you will feel good again.
I do think it's important to try to understand why you decided to drink again. I think it's the best way to prevent it from happening again.
I do think it's important to try to understand why you decided to drink again. I think it's the best way to prevent it from happening again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,402
If it was easy then there’d be no SR, no AA etc. Staying sober is the hardest thing and alcoholic will ever do but as a consequence of that the payoff is incredible.
I remember at an an early meeting somebody said “the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary”. That is recovery: work, that work sometimes means doing everything but drinking or drugging.
I remember at an an early meeting somebody said “the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary”. That is recovery: work, that work sometimes means doing everything but drinking or drugging.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by brighterday1234 
If it was easy then there’d be no SR, no AA etc. Staying sober is the hardest thing and alcoholic will ever do but as a consequence of that the payoff is incredible.
I remember at an an early meeting somebody said “the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary”. That is recovery: work, that work sometimes means doing everything but drinking or drugging.
I remember at an an early meeting somebody said “the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary”. That is recovery: work, that work sometimes means doing everything but drinking or drugging.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
A few years ago I had attempted sobriety and had about two or three months sober. I wasn't getting cravings or white knuckling so I thought I had addiction beat. "See it's easy to not drink, now I've learned how to control myself". I was "bored" one Saturday night so I went out to a bar with the intention of having a few drinks. I completely blacked out and woke up with the worst hangover imaginable.
Control is an illusion for alcoholics. "I thought I was doing well" is an example of how cunning, baffling, and powerful this affliction is.
I learned my lesson the hard way and now I know that I can never have a sip of alcohol for the rest of my life. Perhaps you can learn from this episode as well.
Control is an illusion for alcoholics. "I thought I was doing well" is an example of how cunning, baffling, and powerful this affliction is.
I learned my lesson the hard way and now I know that I can never have a sip of alcohol for the rest of my life. Perhaps you can learn from this episode as well.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,402
Originally Posted by Strugglingto
I let this forum lapse because I thought I was doing well. I don't even know what triggered me. I can't remember the reason. I just have numerous empty vodka bottles and feel horrendously sick
Sure I could list you tons of triggers (excuses) why I drank but truthfully I didn’t really know why I drank. Ultimately though I accepted and accept that I’d always drink as I’m an alcoholic. Through working my recovery program however there is no compulsion for alcohol and it plays no part in my life.
Recovery from alcoholism is a daily way of life. There is never a point when you’ve made it; remaining teachable is key in my experience.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 218
Strugglingto, I fully empathise with you on this, as I’m sure a lot of other people here do. The guilt, shame, exasperation at yourself...trying to figure out why why why? But you had a month, you’ll get that back quickly enough if you dust yourself off. Kudos for reaching out, you clearly want to beat this. Have you got a plan for what you’re gonna try and do differently? Just because the solution to your problem is simple doesn’t make it easy. Hugs!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by Strugglingto
I let this forum lapse because I thought I was doing well. I don't even know what triggered me. I can't remember the reason. I just have numerous empty vodka bottles and feel horrendously sick
I could not even shower...eat...drink a whole glass of water...this is the lonliest feeling in the world....
My heart aches for you....try to get some supplies in the house either by friends or family...Gatorade...maybe some Watermelon (It goes down easy)….vitamins..Ramen noodles for when you start feeling like you can eat...and make a pact with yourself that you want to feel well..and will feel well.
The alcoholic detox is the worst....I know
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 162
I feel so sick. The stupid thing is I have been here before. So many times and it was so unbearable the only way to make it stop was to have more alcohol. I don't know if I am strong enough to ride it out.
Emotionally I feel completely wrecked. Physically all the usual things are happening in waves. Vomiting occasionally and out of nowhere, food is a no go. Sweating intermittently. Dizzy and restless. Shaky occasionally. Hot then cold. And my skin is crawling. I need some supplies but I am not even sure I am able to go.
Emotionally I feel completely wrecked. Physically all the usual things are happening in waves. Vomiting occasionally and out of nowhere, food is a no go. Sweating intermittently. Dizzy and restless. Shaky occasionally. Hot then cold. And my skin is crawling. I need some supplies but I am not even sure I am able to go.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Is there someone with you who can take you wherever you get 'supplies'? I guess you mean a doctor/medicines. You can ride it out because you did it before. You know it can be dangerous too. No real advice. Did not want to read and run.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by BackandScared
Is there someone with you who can take you wherever you get 'supplies'? I guess you mean a doctor/medicines. You can ride it out because you did it before. You know it can be dangerous too. No real advice. Did not want to read and run.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 51
Stay with us Strugglingto. You can do it again. You MUST do it again right? The only other alternative is grim. Don't define yourself as being "alone" either, as if that is some unique burden you must bear. Even if you were surrounded by people, you are still alone in your own head no matter what and you have to solve this by yourself, on your own, in your own head. Getting comfortable with it just being me inside my noggin was a huge part of my recovery. Once I became calm again and could think, all on my own, the friends came back around and so will yours. One positive is that you will only be left with friends who truly love you and who you love. Aim for quality not quantity. Come back and post because we are worried about you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 162
I am kidding myself if I think I can anywhere. I just tried. I had just put on my shoes and was hit again by nausea and violently vomited. It is like surfing waves. You think you are improving and then you are by another wave that wipes you out
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Seems really miserable, but it can only get better in the next 2 days. You must go through these waves and there is no shortcut as you know very well.
You are able to type. Is there some kind of food delivery service on the same day near you? Like amazon or whatever? It will also give another thing to do for the time being.
You are able to type. Is there some kind of food delivery service on the same day near you? Like amazon or whatever? It will also give another thing to do for the time being.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Also, no matter how ashamed you are. It is your problem and most people feel good when they are needed. If you reach out, it is possible that someone feels better for helping you. I would have my phone close and I would make sure I don't get to a stage I cannot phone emergency services if I need them.
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