I wanna ******* kill myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 40
I wanna ******* kill myself
I want to use im so depressed and I have no support or no anyone that would support me, I live with my sister and her husband and it’s hell absolute hell he drives me in ******* sane I’m not sure how I’m gonna get sober like this and I have to start a job soon. I’m trying so freakin hard to save up and get my own place anywhere at this point but I’m stuck in this **** position for a while and makes me not wanna be sober! On top of it my mom pretty much holds my daughter against me it makes me sick and it doesn’t help my sobriety either I hate to say I can’t stand my evil ******* family I just want to leave and never look back but I have no where to go ... makes me wanna jump off the ******* interstate I feel like I have nothing to lose... been off oxys for almost 3 weeks and subs for 4 days and I feel like I made the wrong decision.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 40
Trapped and ready to use ..
I want to use im so depressed and I have no support or no anyone that would support me, I live with my sister and her husband and it’s hell absolute hell he drives me in ******* sane I’m not sure how I’m gonna get sober like this and I have to start a job soon. I’m trying so freakin hard to save up and get my own place anywhere at this point but I’m stuck in this **** position for a while and makes me not wanna be sober! On top of it my mom pretty much holds my daughter against me it makes me sick and it doesn’t help my sobriety either I hate to say I can’t stand my evil ******* family I just want to leave and never look back but I have no where to go ... makes me wanna jump off the ******* interstate I feel like I have nothing to lose... been off oxys for almost 3 weeks and subs for 4 days and I feel like I made the wrong decision.
I
I
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
hi Jj
the early days can be really hard - I'm sorry you're feeling down - but trust me the pain doesn't last forever and things will get better so long as you stay clean.
Support helps too - and there's alot of that here 24/7.
Try and stay focused - using again will keep you stuck exactly where you are now, or worse...
the only way you can make the changes you want to make - things like moving into your own place, reestablishing a relationship with your daughter - is to stay clean.
If you're feeling really low - please think about calling a crisis line.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
You're worth the effort - things will get better, I promise.
D
the early days can be really hard - I'm sorry you're feeling down - but trust me the pain doesn't last forever and things will get better so long as you stay clean.
Support helps too - and there's alot of that here 24/7.
Try and stay focused - using again will keep you stuck exactly where you are now, or worse...
the only way you can make the changes you want to make - things like moving into your own place, reestablishing a relationship with your daughter - is to stay clean.
If you're feeling really low - please think about calling a crisis line.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
You're worth the effort - things will get better, I promise.
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family. If you want to be clean and sober, you've got to do it despite your circumstances. Even if your sister's husband drives you nuts, you've got to stay clean.
If you want to be clean and sober, you've got to do it despite your circumstances. Even if your sister's husband drives you nuts, you've got to stay clean.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hey dude, suicide was a daily consideration when i was drinking. My family also drives me crazy. I sobered up and went minimal contact with my family. Its hard, but my life is manageable now. I even moved out of my hometown.
You can make it through this, stay strong.
You can make it through this, stay strong.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Welcome,
I'm sorry that you're struggling so much but I urge you to hang on because it will get better.
Focus on the new job and saving money. Focus on staying sober in order to achieve the life and the freedom you want. You have goals and they depend on your sobriety.
I'm sorry that you're struggling so much but I urge you to hang on because it will get better.
Focus on the new job and saving money. Focus on staying sober in order to achieve the life and the freedom you want. You have goals and they depend on your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Of course you feel like you made the wrong decision because that is what those devil drugs want you to feel like...
The reason you probably don't have a job and live with your sister and boyfriend is because of those oxys…
When you said "I have to start a job soon"..I'm wondering do you have the job already? Because if you do and you use oxys..you will not be able to keep that job and will not be able to get out of that living environment.
I totally know what you are going thru I couldn't live with my X and stay sober so I asked him to leave....
So I know it is going to be EXTREMELY hard for you to be sober ...more so than the average person because you are also in a ****** environment for your sobriety...But your in a catch 22 for sure....YOU can't use or you will never get out of there.
You have to stay sober....use him as a reason to PROVE that you can stay sober so you can get the hell out of there...
You know deep down..if you just use again...none of this stuff will get better and your seeing your daughter..or your problem with your Mom not letting you see her will never get better either.
These people are angry with your addiction...and you have to get just as angry at your addiction for putting you in this predicament and you have to get yourself out of it!
The reason you probably don't have a job and live with your sister and boyfriend is because of those oxys…
When you said "I have to start a job soon"..I'm wondering do you have the job already? Because if you do and you use oxys..you will not be able to keep that job and will not be able to get out of that living environment.
I totally know what you are going thru I couldn't live with my X and stay sober so I asked him to leave....
So I know it is going to be EXTREMELY hard for you to be sober ...more so than the average person because you are also in a ****** environment for your sobriety...But your in a catch 22 for sure....YOU can't use or you will never get out of there.
You have to stay sober....use him as a reason to PROVE that you can stay sober so you can get the hell out of there...
You know deep down..if you just use again...none of this stuff will get better and your seeing your daughter..or your problem with your Mom not letting you see her will never get better either.
These people are angry with your addiction...and you have to get just as angry at your addiction for putting you in this predicament and you have to get yourself out of it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Jj, the clear way out of all this is to remain sober. I know it's difficult. My emotions were all over the place in early sobriety. Hang on and find a way to relieve the stress. You have a goal ... keep working towards that. Don't let anyone or anything stop you!
Exercise helped me tons and got me through cravings. If exercise isn't for you, find whatever you like and dig in! Remember, you are in control. You can do this.
Exercise helped me tons and got me through cravings. If exercise isn't for you, find whatever you like and dig in! Remember, you are in control. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
I feel like I could have wrote that myself, my weening plan didn’t quite work last week and I feel like giving up too, just seems the easiest option right now. My family are **** too, I keep trying to distance myself from them, but also can’t seem to be able to. My mother is the worst, she messages me about 100 times a day expecting me to help her (she’s pretty old) and I just cant deal with it. I have this ideal picture of me just walking out the house and walking to Scotland (furthest I could get away from where I live) and then everything will be better, but I know it’s not reality and I’d still be me, so I stay here and try everyday to fix me
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
I feel you, staying with a psychopath of a mother with tons of debt and feel like I am going insane. Just got to ride this out man no matter how tough it gets. Look how amazing your life can be a year from now which is not that long just got to tough it out and I know it is tough. You will get through this
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,278
Stay strong JJ and hang in there. The words used here so often , "it will get better" seem so mundane , but they are so, so true.
Give yourself a chance, it will get better and then you will be able to make changes to live your life the way you want to.
((()))
Give yourself a chance, it will get better and then you will be able to make changes to live your life the way you want to.
((()))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
You need to put yourself first, despite your surroundings. Meditate, find AA meetings and get involved, build your own new sober family and keep logging on, we are your family here and you can vent as much as you want.
Do not hurt yourself, you can do this and once you do, life will be worth living every day because of the miracles that will start to happen and show up for you.
DO NOT GIVE UP. you have got this.
Do not hurt yourself, you can do this and once you do, life will be worth living every day because of the miracles that will start to happen and show up for you.
DO NOT GIVE UP. you have got this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Kicking is rough stuff from what I have seen in Rehab and have heard from friends in AA. You have to be at least half way through it by now. The only way your situation will improve is if you stay clean. You are doing a great job even if it does not feel like it. Stay strong. Hydrate and exercise. Eat healthy stuff, use food as fuel and soon enough you will be through it. We are rooting for you! Keep posting and try to envision that new job and your new place. You can do this!
j
j
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 830
Stay strong. You have 4 days don't lose them keep building them up. It's your AV that wants you to use. Your problems will still be there tomorrow. Take it ODAAT and each day will also be a day closer to you having your own place x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by WaterOx 
Hi there. I am really glad you're here. It's probably hard to believe right now but most of us can relate to what you're feeling. I hope you'll stay close and post more. Would you do that for us?
i can and I’m SOOO thankful for your support and that I found this forum ... thank you 🙏🏼
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