Still got an ear infection. Mother won’t talk to me
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I'm sorry you've been sick and that you drank again Sweetichick.
I think Cup of Joe's post is great - you need a plan, and you need to consider things that are probably going to be uncomfortable for you in the short term but beneficial in the long term.
Make a list of everything you could do, no matter how expensive, inconvenient or whatever.
Then pare that list back to things you could start today - 90 meetings in 90 days is one example, but your list may be different.
The one thing you can't do is keep on going how you're going. That's just not working for you Sweeti.
If you can get some serious sober time under your belt, I think you'll see what all of us are banging on about here
D
I think Cup of Joe's post is great - you need a plan, and you need to consider things that are probably going to be uncomfortable for you in the short term but beneficial in the long term.
Make a list of everything you could do, no matter how expensive, inconvenient or whatever.
Then pare that list back to things you could start today - 90 meetings in 90 days is one example, but your list may be different.
The one thing you can't do is keep on going how you're going. That's just not working for you Sweeti.
If you can get some serious sober time under your belt, I think you'll see what all of us are banging on about here
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
For me when i really decided to quit drinking it has been extremely easy. What I mean by easy is it's as simple as I will not drink no matter what. Has been extremely painful and mentally all over the place but no matter what no excuses was not going to drink. Got to deal with the pain, I have also been diagnosed with Boarderline personality disorder so the ups and downs can be insane especially when drinking. I am now on day 86 and my symptoms have greatly improved , really for the first time enjoying life and have great future plans. Staying with a hoarding mother who when upset tells me she wishes I was dead and that I should go drink. Is that an excuse to go drink, no cause nothing will break me. If you truly want to give up drinking really is as simple as not drinking and working on yourself to improve your psych health. Painful yes but easy.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 93
Sweeti, I don’t post much, but I have been following your threads for quite a while. I just wanted to pass along something that has helped me recently. It is a quote from a man who went from being a morbidly obese drug addict to a marathon runner. When he changed his life, he started new habits and said, “My new mantra was to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.” That hit home with me. I have been using that mantra to try some new and positive behaviors, and it has helped me to do the new things. They have turned out to be not as scary as I thought they would be. It is uncomfortable, to say the least, to live a day, two, three, and more, sober. But realize that it is that way for all of us. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. We will eventually be comfortable with sobriety. Everyone here has your back, Sweeti.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
I'm going to give you an example of one thing I did on my 4th step that was helpful. I'm not saying you have to go to AA, but it's an example of how our perceptions can be altered.
One of my resentments was towards a man I had once been engaged to. On our first "date" we met in the trailer he was living in on his mom's boyfriend's property. He had bought a bottle of whiskey. I definitely drank a lot by then, but only socially and in bars.
He taught me how to drink straight from the bottle. That changed my drinking dramatically--I loved it. I considered it a badge of honor that I could swill warm liquor straight from the bottle and smile.
After I started getting sober, I held a deep, deep resentment towards him. "If he hadn't taught me how to drink like that, maybe I wouldn't have become an alcoholic," I used to mutter. "It's his fault."
My kind, patient sponsor looked at me and shook her head. "Cup of Joe, any normal woman would have run straight for the hills. You stuck around. I think you were already an alcoholic."
My head spun. I never had considered that. Maybe I was the source of my own problems. I had interpreted the story to make someone else the cause of my alcoholism. But the truth is, I sought out and kept company with people who not only encouraged my drinking but weren't horrified by how I drank.
It was all me.
That was the first night in years that I was able to go home without a drink. I didn't stay sober for good right away, but it was a huge step towards lasting sobriety.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, except to say that we really are the source of our problems. And sometimes getting an outside perspective can help change things. It's why it's not recommended to try to do the steps yourself. (Or practice psychotherapy on yourself for that matter.)
I hope you can find someone you can trust and be honest with who will help you get the perspective you need to quit.
But it really all does start with you.
The fact that you're still here makes me confident you can do this.
Please open up about whatever is circling around in your head that's getting in your way. Let it out. We're here to help. (For what it's worth, I had a huge number of fears and resentments that were getting in my way. They all turned out to be smoke and mirrors. Addiction will do that.)
Sending you a huge cyber hug.
One of my resentments was towards a man I had once been engaged to. On our first "date" we met in the trailer he was living in on his mom's boyfriend's property. He had bought a bottle of whiskey. I definitely drank a lot by then, but only socially and in bars.
He taught me how to drink straight from the bottle. That changed my drinking dramatically--I loved it. I considered it a badge of honor that I could swill warm liquor straight from the bottle and smile.
After I started getting sober, I held a deep, deep resentment towards him. "If he hadn't taught me how to drink like that, maybe I wouldn't have become an alcoholic," I used to mutter. "It's his fault."
My kind, patient sponsor looked at me and shook her head. "Cup of Joe, any normal woman would have run straight for the hills. You stuck around. I think you were already an alcoholic."
My head spun. I never had considered that. Maybe I was the source of my own problems. I had interpreted the story to make someone else the cause of my alcoholism. But the truth is, I sought out and kept company with people who not only encouraged my drinking but weren't horrified by how I drank.
It was all me.
That was the first night in years that I was able to go home without a drink. I didn't stay sober for good right away, but it was a huge step towards lasting sobriety.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, except to say that we really are the source of our problems. And sometimes getting an outside perspective can help change things. It's why it's not recommended to try to do the steps yourself. (Or practice psychotherapy on yourself for that matter.)
I hope you can find someone you can trust and be honest with who will help you get the perspective you need to quit.
But it really all does start with you.
The fact that you're still here makes me confident you can do this.
Please open up about whatever is circling around in your head that's getting in your way. Let it out. We're here to help. (For what it's worth, I had a huge number of fears and resentments that were getting in my way. They all turned out to be smoke and mirrors. Addiction will do that.)
Sending you a huge cyber hug.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Great advice above Sweeti, I hope you are able to find something to help you get sober. I know you’re going to outpatient, perhaps they can make it intensive outpatient where you go every day.
The idea of being comfortable being uncomfortable is a good one, and the only way we can really grow and change.
The idea of being comfortable being uncomfortable is a good one, and the only way we can really grow and change.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by CupofJoe 
I'm going to give you an example of one thing I did on my 4th step that was helpful. I'm not saying you have to go to AA, but it's an example of how our perceptions can be altered.
One of my resentments was towards a man I had once been engaged to. On our first "date" we met in the trailer he was living in on his mom's boyfriend's property. He had bought a bottle of whiskey. I definitely drank a lot by then, but only socially and in bars.
He taught me how to drink straight from the bottle. That changed my drinking dramatically--I loved it. I considered it a badge of honor that I could swill warm liquor straight from the bottle and smile.
After I started getting sober, I held a deep, deep resentment towards him. "If he hadn't taught me how to drink like that, maybe I wouldn't have become an alcoholic," I used to mutter. "It's his fault."
My kind, patient sponsor looked at me and shook her head. "Cup of Joe, any normal woman would have run straight for the hills. You stuck around. I think you were already an alcoholic."
My head spun. I never had considered that. Maybe I was the source of my own problems. I had interpreted the story to make someone else the cause of my alcoholism. But the truth is, I sought out and kept company with people who not only encouraged my drinking but weren't horrified by how I drank.
It was all me.
That was the first night in years that I was able to go home without a drink. I didn't stay sober for good right away, but it was a huge step towards lasting sobriety.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, except to say that we really are the source of our problems. And sometimes getting an outside perspective can help change things. It's why it's not recommended to try to do the steps yourself. (Or practice psychotherapy on yourself for that matter.)
I hope you can find someone you can trust and be honest with who will help you get the perspective you need to quit.
But it really all does start with you.
The fact that you're still here makes me confident you can do this.
Please open up about whatever is circling around in your head that's getting in your way. Let it out. We're here to help. (For what it's worth, I had a huge number of fears and resentments that were getting in my way. They all turned out to be smoke and mirrors. Addiction will do that.)
Sending you a huge cyber hug.
One of my resentments was towards a man I had once been engaged to. On our first "date" we met in the trailer he was living in on his mom's boyfriend's property. He had bought a bottle of whiskey. I definitely drank a lot by then, but only socially and in bars.
He taught me how to drink straight from the bottle. That changed my drinking dramatically--I loved it. I considered it a badge of honor that I could swill warm liquor straight from the bottle and smile.
After I started getting sober, I held a deep, deep resentment towards him. "If he hadn't taught me how to drink like that, maybe I wouldn't have become an alcoholic," I used to mutter. "It's his fault."
My kind, patient sponsor looked at me and shook her head. "Cup of Joe, any normal woman would have run straight for the hills. You stuck around. I think you were already an alcoholic."
My head spun. I never had considered that. Maybe I was the source of my own problems. I had interpreted the story to make someone else the cause of my alcoholism. But the truth is, I sought out and kept company with people who not only encouraged my drinking but weren't horrified by how I drank.
It was all me.
That was the first night in years that I was able to go home without a drink. I didn't stay sober for good right away, but it was a huge step towards lasting sobriety.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, except to say that we really are the source of our problems. And sometimes getting an outside perspective can help change things. It's why it's not recommended to try to do the steps yourself. (Or practice psychotherapy on yourself for that matter.)
I hope you can find someone you can trust and be honest with who will help you get the perspective you need to quit.
But it really all does start with you.
The fact that you're still here makes me confident you can do this.
Please open up about whatever is circling around in your head that's getting in your way. Let it out. We're here to help. (For what it's worth, I had a huge number of fears and resentments that were getting in my way. They all turned out to be smoke and mirrors. Addiction will do that.)
Sending you a huge cyber hug.
Today is payday but no intention of drinking. There are no Aa meetings on today. I want to go back again.. I am grocery shopping early so no temptation. That’s about it for now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by sweetichick1
Hi Joe. I also blamed my first boyfriend for starting me drinking so I can relate to your story. I have a lot of resentment towards a lot of different people. I am working hard at keeping my mind occupied so that I don’t mull over them.
.
.
we thought we could find an easier,softer way but we could not.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Hi sweeti, I haven’t been on the forums since last week. I was so glad to see you finally posting again but sad to read you drank. Your last post was a few days ago already. I hope your ear is better and you’re following through with outpatient. And the other suggestions as well. Did you make it to a meeting? They do have meetings online or by phone if there isn’t one by you. I’ll send a link if you want?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Just checking in to see how you’re doing Sweeti. I always worry that you’re drinking when you aren’t posting. I hope you’re just busy with outpatient. Let us know how you’re doing when you get a chance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 143
I’m on day 6 now.It was a week of bad shaking and little sleep. I finally felt a bit better yesterday. Yesterday I cooked. Today is tidying up my house. I have been Netflix binging on how to get away with murder.. Thanks everyone for asking.
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