Anna

Sweeti, I hope you decide to pour out the alcohol today, not tomorrow.

gypsytears

I think it’s after midnight in your part of the world so I hope you’ve either finished drinking or better yet, dumped out the remaining alcohol and are fast asleep in bed right now. I hope you wake up with the serious realizations you’ve stated yourself It’s life or death now. and I am figuring it is all up to me.

Personally I would head to the ER as soon as withdrawal symptoms begin so detox can be done safely. I would also break into that superfund or beg my father to take a loan out on the house for an inpatient rehab because, IT IS LIFE OR DEATH! That money won’t do you any good if you die so why not use it to save yourself.

Your earache will not last forever. Earaches do clear up on their own without medical intervention often. The antibiotics don’t work while alcohol is being consumed anyway. Once you’re through withdrawal my guess is your ear will feel better too.

Go to AA. You don’t have to “get involved”. Just go. Make a commitment to go often and stay open. As I said before I’m not an AAer but I do go sometimes. I’m planning on going to a meeting tomorrow morning. Say you’ll go to one too. If I can, you can.

Verdantia

Oh, Sweeti, I'm very sorry about the ear infection; I just got over a lingering one after two different antibiotics, and it was torturous. However, drinking would've just made it worse. You know, antibiotics just don't work nearly as well when you are drinking. I know you desperately want to be sober and it breaks my heart; I will never stop rooting for you. You can do this-this is straight up truth and a life or death matter. I would've died if I hadn't gotten help. I am convinced of this, and I pray that you will find a way. Please consider AA. Do you have a religious affiliation? Churches can be a excellent resource, with people who dearly want to help. You must do something, Sweeti. I wish you peace and comfort, my dear.

Pondlady

The way I read your earlier post, it sounded like you were going to drink into the next day, then pour out any remaining alcohol. I know that time has now passed, but I hope you poured it out immediately.

Your psychiatrist must truly care about you to be nearly in tears.....it's hard for him / her, to watch you self destruct.

You talked about how alcohol nearly has you licked and you'll keep on drinking. If you choose that route....what do you see your life looking like....realistically .

Jules714

Ouch, I cannot imagine the racing blood pressure effects alcohol has as it pertains to pumping through an infected ear! Poor girl.

Its really time to go to the hospital. They will safely medically detox you and treat your ear. You could burst an eardrum no?

Don't waiver any longer please. You have certainly suffered enough. It's time to live again. You can!

Jules

NerfThis

The thing you have to accept is that full abstinence is actually easier than trying to continue drinking. You are drinking now because to you, it's the easiest option. You possibly think sobriety is too hard or too much work and action. If you gave yourself enough sober time you'd realize that sobriety is actually MUCH much easier. The work put into being sober is so much easier over time than continuing with the addiction.

suki44883

Yes, Sweeti...this is what we have been saying all along. No one is going to come save you. It is all up to you.

AnvilheadII

If there’s any alcohol left over tomorrow morning I plan on chucking it out. My ear is still agonising. It’s now or never with alcohol.

It’s life or death now

NOW is now, not later today, tomorrow or next Tuesday. life or death circumstances require immediate and vigorous response. 100% commitment. Medics don't stop and take a lunch break while performing CPR....

I can still attend Aa just not get involved.
again, this doesn't sound like someone who truly GETS what life or death means.

curious how long it was you last attended an AA meeting?
or attended your outpatient appointments?
as pointed out above, no one is going to come and SAVE you. every successfully sober alcoholic had to make sobriety their absolute priority. and do whatever it takes, every day. no matter what. with humility and gratitude that recovery IS possible for any who are willing to work for it.

sweetichick1

Despite everything I still want to buy just one bottle to take the edge off. This is so hard

eve123

Dee74

I hope you resist.
You'll feel so much better tomorrow morning.

D

sweetichick1

It’s okay I talked myself out of it. Watching Netflix instead.

Dee74

Thats a great outcome

D

NicLin

Proud of you Sweeti...you can do this!

Callas

Perhaps seeing that you are at the end of your tether and nothing seems to work try and keep it simple. Just try and prove a point to yourself. Don’t drink for one day, just one, and take it from there.

kk1k5x

Find a documentary on Netflix the narrator of which has a deep and soft voice. And then just doze off. I did that a lot during the first week.

gypsytears

Good work! Watching Netflix is a great diversion. How about a shower and a meeting? Then home for more Netflix .

Fusion

Hi Sweeti, it’s been a while since I last posted to you, and I’ve just caught up.

I know that desolate feeling only too well. I want to stop drinking, but I can’t because of...

I drank for over 10 years, every single day, whilst wishing to stop, and for many more years prior, building up to that level.

I joined SR in 2016 and stopped drinking in September 2016. That sounds easy, but it wasn’t. Every time my mind said ‘have a drink’ I had to ignore it. Eventually it became habitual, easier and the drinking thoughts lessened and were more easily dismissed . Until they became infrequent.

My life since stopping, slowly improved. Drinking placed spectacles loaded with negativism over my eyes. Once the drink was removed, after a while, I felt positivity, whereas previously there was only pessimism.

Sadly, I drank again, after two and a half years of content sobriety. I shan’t set out the tumultuous events that led to my decision to drink again, because for me, they’re excuses, not reasons: although they sure felt like reasons at the time.

The neurons in my brain instantly kicked in and my drinking resumed to all day, every day. I’m presently tapering, to avoid the worst of withdrawals, because of my own particular circumstances in the U.K. and the long waiting list procedure for detox.

I understand you live in Australia, I’m unsure of the detox/rehab availability. But I would urge you, Sweetie, to grasp the hand of any offered support. My experience is that life on the other side of drinking, is so much better, and that’s what I’m striving for now.

Let’s strive, together

entropy1964

SC

I encourage you to really, really read Tatsy's post.

Her acceptance. Her acknowledgement of what happened, why and her ownership of her situation. That is a mindset that will support recovery.

I hope you will really think about that mindset. Does your mindset support abstinence? Are you owning your feelings, actions and reactions?

Tatsy is right where you are right now. No medical help, detoxing. Walk along side her in this, mimic her. Because she's a sharp lady that had some good dry time.

Welcome back Tatsy.

sweetichick1

It’s 4am and I awoke an hour ago in a cold sweat. I will take the cold sweat to a hangover any day. My ear infection has already started to improve. Thanks for all your help and encouragement and prayers.