Vacation and every adult with me has a drink in hand
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Vacation and every adult with me has a drink in hand
Away at a beautiful mountain house for the week. Regrettably it's been torrentially raining for the past several days. Activities for adults have become severely limited to puzzles, games and crappy cable television. At one point yesterday, every single adult in the house had an alcoholic drink in their hand, except for me.
I didn't even necessarily want to drink. I easily played the tape out and knew that it led to a place that I had no interest in being. I didn't have to even fight the AV all that hard. But it wasn't fun. I felt excluded. I felt like an outsider. I felt like something was wrong with me. None of that caused me to drink or even to really fight the temptation to drink. In the end though, for all those reasons, it just wasn't all that fun.
I didn't even necessarily want to drink. I easily played the tape out and knew that it led to a place that I had no interest in being. I didn't have to even fight the AV all that hard. But it wasn't fun. I felt excluded. I felt like an outsider. I felt like something was wrong with me. None of that caused me to drink or even to really fight the temptation to drink. In the end though, for all those reasons, it just wasn't all that fun.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Good job on reframing. From boozing . the way I look at it we blew our booze card out the window. Least I know I did. I know I cant go back to it(boozing) nor do I want to now . I have 81 days. Its mid summer and I quit drinking? Yep sure did. But no regrets. Dont miss the shakes.and all the other "fun" stuff ....hey just chill here read.post. be the designated house guest lol. Keep busy clean up. Cook some goodies till weather lets up shower. Get prepped for your activities ...you wont regret it in the long run. Thanks for sharing keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
You did a great job. You should be proud of yourself. I know that would be a tough situation for me, too.
You handled it great.
I hope the weather clears up so you can get outside.
I can understand why that wouldn't be much fun. But doing the right thing for you is it's own reward. And you did. So congratulations and have a great vacation.
You handled it great.
I hope the weather clears up so you can get outside.
I can understand why that wouldn't be much fun. But doing the right thing for you is it's own reward. And you did. So congratulations and have a great vacation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Ans let me add. In my case its playing that tape. And that tape is forever imbeded in my head. To think what we put our selves thru. Just for that fun moment. Now you can witness other peoples tape they are making fast forward to the morning when you are up early having your cup of Joe. Watching the sun rise . smelling the fresh rain that fell. Then witness your friends some whom I'm sure are really feeling it. All scatter brained . lol maybe still half potched.and you aaah you are feeling good. Ready for world. Get the picture. Keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
I am very new to not drinking (17 days) and to the forum so I hesitate on giving 'advice' when you probably have much more experience than me and your own reasons to feel excluded. If you were not craving the alcohol as such, why are you feeling excluded because people drink something different than you. If they were all smoking, would you feel excluded? Or if they were all drinking orange juice and you were drinking lemon juice?
I am spending a full week at a conference with dinners/after-dinner meetings and everyone seems to drink. I crave the alcohol. I crave getting drunk, rather than the alcohol. Nothing to do with feeling 'excluded'. I am more present than ever. I don't really like these professional meetings so I guess I also crave escaping.
While I am siting there looking at everybody drinking (generally, most drink very little, they just nurse a glass) I am trying to reflect why it makes me so uncomfortable. Sadly to me, as I said, it is the wanting to be drunk.
You don't need to answer, but I am really curious about what you feel excluded from if you don't feel like drinking alcohol.
I am spending a full week at a conference with dinners/after-dinner meetings and everyone seems to drink. I crave the alcohol. I crave getting drunk, rather than the alcohol. Nothing to do with feeling 'excluded'. I am more present than ever. I don't really like these professional meetings so I guess I also crave escaping.
While I am siting there looking at everybody drinking (generally, most drink very little, they just nurse a glass) I am trying to reflect why it makes me so uncomfortable. Sadly to me, as I said, it is the wanting to be drunk.
You don't need to answer, but I am really curious about what you feel excluded from if you don't feel like drinking alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Well I'm glad you aren't tempted. But this is a common theme for you...I mean, it really is for a lot of us. I guess I just wouldn't hang out with drinking friends anymore if their drinking made me feel side lined. I do get that the weather amplified this because, well, what cha gonna do but drink and play cards? Its a tough one.
Its really hard to find that social sweet spot in recovery if your friends all drink and spouse is tied in to that group. Can't exactly just stop socializing...although that's probably what I would do. Or make sure I'm not stuck with group of drinkers for more than 4 hours at a time.
Well you have my empathy. And hey, there's always the Mueller testimony. Some riveting excitement there.....
Its really hard to find that social sweet spot in recovery if your friends all drink and spouse is tied in to that group. Can't exactly just stop socializing...although that's probably what I would do. Or make sure I'm not stuck with group of drinkers for more than 4 hours at a time.
Well you have my empathy. And hey, there's always the Mueller testimony. Some riveting excitement there.....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
I understand this feeling 100% and it's awful. It makes me feel angry, then guilty, excluded, ANNOYED....on and on and on.
With me, it's usually my family on trips like these so I can't always just decline to go.
It also makes me want to drink and I have relapsed several times during these trips.
I read a lot of Al-Anon stuff, trying to stay in my lane but I just don't know how to deal with this! I spend a LOT of time by myself, reading but that gets lonely after a few days. I just cannot stand being around drunk people anymore.
I don't know what the solution is. Staying home is one option, which I have done several times. It's much more relaxing to not have to deal with them but it's my spouse and adult children, and that's where the guilt comes in.
At the past few Christmas get-togethers, I feel just like The Grinch. It's exhausting and depressing.
Anyway, just a little "shout out" of support for you! Let me know if you have any suggestions.
And many kudos to you for not drinking!
With me, it's usually my family on trips like these so I can't always just decline to go.
It also makes me want to drink and I have relapsed several times during these trips.
I read a lot of Al-Anon stuff, trying to stay in my lane but I just don't know how to deal with this! I spend a LOT of time by myself, reading but that gets lonely after a few days. I just cannot stand being around drunk people anymore.
I don't know what the solution is. Staying home is one option, which I have done several times. It's much more relaxing to not have to deal with them but it's my spouse and adult children, and that's where the guilt comes in.
At the past few Christmas get-togethers, I feel just like The Grinch. It's exhausting and depressing.
Anyway, just a little "shout out" of support for you! Let me know if you have any suggestions.
And many kudos to you for not drinking!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,231
I too am sending a huge recovery support your
way and commend you for using some important
recovery tools during this situation.
In the future, you will remember how you felt
on this trip and realize that you needn't put urself
thru that again. That recovery, for you, is extremely
important. It's that important to continue building
a strong solid foundation to live your life upon
for yrs down the road.
I had to learn that I cant control others and
what they do or say. That all I am responsible
for is my own recovery. My own serenity and
well being learning to be healthy, happy and
honest in all my affairs.
We may not agree or like what others are
doing around us. We find balance in situations
like that and do all we can to remain sober.
This is your life and it belongs to you to
protect and strengthen it becoming the
best person you can be around others
and with yourself.
You are not alone knowing that addiction
is serious and it affects more folks than you
know. It is in realizing your own addiction
and doing something about it.
That is smart recovery.
Good job and stay close with your recovery
support system.
way and commend you for using some important
recovery tools during this situation.
In the future, you will remember how you felt
on this trip and realize that you needn't put urself
thru that again. That recovery, for you, is extremely
important. It's that important to continue building
a strong solid foundation to live your life upon
for yrs down the road.
I had to learn that I cant control others and
what they do or say. That all I am responsible
for is my own recovery. My own serenity and
well being learning to be healthy, happy and
honest in all my affairs.
We may not agree or like what others are
doing around us. We find balance in situations
like that and do all we can to remain sober.
This is your life and it belongs to you to
protect and strengthen it becoming the
best person you can be around others
and with yourself.
You are not alone knowing that addiction
is serious and it affects more folks than you
know. It is in realizing your own addiction
and doing something about it.
That is smart recovery.
Good job and stay close with your recovery
support system.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
. But it wasn't fun. I felt excluded. I felt like an outsider. I felt like something was wrong with me. None of that caused me to drink or even to really fight the temptation to drink. In the end though, for all those reasons, it just wasn't all that fun.
How about finding a side trip or adventure to go on yourself? Go run around in the rain like you are a little kid again ;-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I read the title of your post and THOUGHT....AND "everyone ELSE is going to be some type of foggy headed" either the next day or days after which depends on their "style" of drinking.
Some people can drink without over doing it to a point where it affects their health or mental state..But if you are an alcoholic like me....when you drink...it is different from when they drink.
I like to think of me not being able to drink as a blessing...
As I can be there for others..either to hold their hair back as they throw up...cook someone a nice meal or be a designated driver....There are so many more positives to you NOT drinking...
Most are not going to obsess about having a drink in their hand...I know it is hard in early sobriety....If it were me I maybe would not have gone on the trip..
Sobriety has to be #1....If I can't handle a room full of drinkers..than I should not be in the same room
Some people can drink without over doing it to a point where it affects their health or mental state..But if you are an alcoholic like me....when you drink...it is different from when they drink.
I like to think of me not being able to drink as a blessing...
As I can be there for others..either to hold their hair back as they throw up...cook someone a nice meal or be a designated driver....There are so many more positives to you NOT drinking...
Most are not going to obsess about having a drink in their hand...I know it is hard in early sobriety....If it were me I maybe would not have gone on the trip..
Sobriety has to be #1....If I can't handle a room full of drinkers..than I should not be in the same room
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,402
The key to lasting sobriety is to put it above everything else as no1 priority in your life in my experience. Make sure you don’t drink and then assess your life choices and whether everything you are doing is conducive to your continued sobriety. Life in recovery is a new life; being around drinkers as a non-drinker is rubbish and it’s another reason why sobriety is tough as changing people, places, things is often necessary to protect one’s sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 177
I too can empathise. It's just not fun. Especially when people who normally don t drink but cos they're on vacation ARE. But those people just don t pay the price we do ! Worse scenario for them is a slight hangover for a hour or two following day , For us it's a shameful spiral downwards. Hopefully weather will improve.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,806
I hear you. When I'm in similar situations, I don't exactly feel excluded, but it isn't that much fun. I'm sure if the weather was better and you could all get out and do things you'd feel better about the whole thing. It's a bummer you are all trapped inside. That would drive me nuts. I wouldn't want to drink, I'd just want to escape. I try to never get myself into situations where I can't get away, but sometimes it happens anyway.
Hopefully the weather will improve and the focus will shift from drinking to outdoor activities.
Hopefully the weather will improve and the focus will shift from drinking to outdoor activities.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Thanks everyone. It's funny how this site works - I'm a long time member but my contributions have tailed off as of late so to some here I must seem like a SR newcomer. No worries at all, just remarking on the fluxuations of this site, and life and sobriety in general.
For me drinking is not a negotiable, I'm about 15+ months sober, permanently sober, as so the consideration that I might drink is not a thought I seriously entertain (or even really have). Doesn't mean there aren't times when it's not easy.
The people I'm with are the typical "normie" spectrum - some barely finish their first cocktail (you know I watch everyone's consumption like an eagle), and others are teetering on, if not deep in, the life of a full blown drunk. They are all very cool. My non-drinking is barely notices or remarked upon. But all that doesn't change this experience or the feelings.
I've been working out, as I am wont to do, like mad. I'm the first up and usually one of the first in bed. I'm totally enjoying myself. Yet here we are, evening time rolling in, and each and every person is having a drink. So it goes. But go not do I.
For me drinking is not a negotiable, I'm about 15+ months sober, permanently sober, as so the consideration that I might drink is not a thought I seriously entertain (or even really have). Doesn't mean there aren't times when it's not easy.
The people I'm with are the typical "normie" spectrum - some barely finish their first cocktail (you know I watch everyone's consumption like an eagle), and others are teetering on, if not deep in, the life of a full blown drunk. They are all very cool. My non-drinking is barely notices or remarked upon. But all that doesn't change this experience or the feelings.
I've been working out, as I am wont to do, like mad. I'm the first up and usually one of the first in bed. I'm totally enjoying myself. Yet here we are, evening time rolling in, and each and every person is having a drink. So it goes. But go not do I.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by BackandScared
I am very new to not drinking (17 days) and to the forum so I hesitate on giving 'advice' when you probably have much more experience than me and your own reasons to feel excluded. If you were not craving the alcohol as such, why are you feeling excluded because people drink something different than you. If they were all smoking, would you feel excluded? Or if they were all drinking orange juice and you were drinking lemon juice?
I am spending a full week at a conference with dinners/after-dinner meetings and everyone seems to drink. I crave the alcohol. I crave getting drunk, rather than the alcohol. Nothing to do with feeling 'excluded'. I am more present than ever. I don't really like these professional meetings so I guess I also crave escaping.
While I am siting there looking at everybody drinking (generally, most drink very little, they just nurse a glass) I am trying to reflect why it makes me so uncomfortable. Sadly to me, as I said, it is the wanting to be drunk.
You don't need to answer, but I am really curious about what you feel excluded from if you don't feel like drinking alcohol.
I am spending a full week at a conference with dinners/after-dinner meetings and everyone seems to drink. I crave the alcohol. I crave getting drunk, rather than the alcohol. Nothing to do with feeling 'excluded'. I am more present than ever. I don't really like these professional meetings so I guess I also crave escaping.
While I am siting there looking at everybody drinking (generally, most drink very little, they just nurse a glass) I am trying to reflect why it makes me so uncomfortable. Sadly to me, as I said, it is the wanting to be drunk.
You don't need to answer, but I am really curious about what you feel excluded from if you don't feel like drinking alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
All I can tell you Less is I've shared elsewhere that I went to an art opening last weekend and I've only just realised now I must have been the only one in the room not drinking. I still had fun and I didn't feel less than for not drinking.
It was a non issue.
I was more worried about trying to find a seat to rest my legs.
I have a few years on you recovery wise, but I just wanted you to know that your self image need not always be dependent on whats in the glass in your hand
you know (I hope) and I know that those feelings are not the reality.
We are who we think we are,
D
It was a non issue.
I was more worried about trying to find a seat to rest my legs.
I have a few years on you recovery wise, but I just wanted you to know that your self image need not always be dependent on whats in the glass in your hand
I felt excluded. I felt like an outsider. I felt like something was wrong with me.
We are who we think we are,
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I've been in that situation enough times to know I don't like it and I'm better off avoiding it. Most of the people in my extended family are all heavy drinkers though. For me things always end up out of hand when there's adults in the room drinking it seems.
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