Jim1958

I think everyone is different. For me, I knew I had a problem for years. I began to track my drinking, day by day. This went on for years. I would have long times of sobriety and then relapse. Keep trying, the longer you are sober the easier it gets. At times I thought I could not go a week, and a month seemed impossible. I have not had a drink in over a year. Best wishes to you in your recovery.

entropy1964

Doesn't matter what other people's journey are. I have committed to myself that I will never stop trying. Even if I relapse again and again.

Today is all that matters. I'm sober, have been for a while, but I'm sober today.

In order to stay sober I had/have to learn how to cope with life. I have to learn to take ownership for my actions and reactions to everything.

I used to drink over boredom and loneliness. I realized that's just a bunch of bs. The real things that turn my mind back toward drink are powerlessness, resentment and frustration. Usually over things I feel I can't control. But I can always control how I respond to those things. That was really the key for me. And it takes practice. Practice monitoring my emotions, checking how I allow myself to feel. Letting go of everything that I have no control over.

And that happens daily. In the moment.

aasharon90

I had tried numerous times vowing enough was
enough with failing to make it stick until...…..

I entered rehab, made a decision to allow others
in position and knowledgeable to teach me as I
listened and absorb a program of recovery that
could and would help me remain sober one day
at a time.

With willingness, openmindedness and honesty
applied to my everyday life on a continuous bases
forever remaining teachable, I haven't found it
necessary to pick up a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90.

Faith, Recovery and Service has allowed me to
continue building a strong solid foundation to
live my sober life upon each day moving forward.

For that I am truly grateful as I pass on my own
experiences, strengths and hopes with you and
others as you begin your own journey in recovery.

Sending much support your way.

DriGuy

This describes me. I wanted to get better. I wanted to be happy and free. I wanted not to feel controlled by alcohol. The one critical thing I needed, but really didn't want, was to quit drinking. There seemed to be a lot of things I wanted to change about my drinking, but I never wanted to commit myself to not drinking. But with all the wanting and trying, it seemed like I was working at getting well even if I was missing the one all important change I needed to make.

In thinking back, I went to AA because I needed help. Quitting for good was not the highest priority for me. I just wanted to get better. But AA had this one almost understated instruction of total abstinence in their overall agenda. At least it seemed understated to me, because it was more or less lost in an array of steps, doctrine, opinion, and other stuff. I knew I couldn't buy the whole package, but there was that one little item that seemed to make some sense, and it was one thing I decided I could at least do.

Even at that time, total abstinence was NOT something I actually wanted. It was just something I was willing to try so that I would at least be doing something while I was there. It was more like an experiment than a desire. But what I noticed was that when I quit drinking, my need for alcohol began to diminish. So it was after I quit and realized the power of sobriety, was when I actually WANTED to quit. More precisely, it was when I made a life long commitment to total abstinence.

And the rest of Bimini's post describes myself exactly:

biminiblue

DriGuy, It's a trap. It's a corner from which there is no escape.


Do or do not.

Black or White.

Yes or No.

Each time.

CupofJoe

For me, I struggled for years. I "wanted" to quit, but it was almost like a shield. As long as I "wanted" to quit, I didn't have to actually quit.

Quitting meant being uncomfortable. Quitting meant changing. Quitting meant doing things I didn't want to do. Quitting meant not drinking even when I really, really, really wanted to drink. Even when I was going through terrible withdrawals and getting really sick and knowing that a drink would make me feel better. Even when I was feeling better and a drink didn't seem like it would hurt me. Quitting meant I would have to stay sober through EVERYTHING, good, bad and indifferent. Quitting meant action, introspection, change, being vulnerable, learning how to be a different person.

It was hard. I don't want to scare you, but I was definitely someone who had no idea what quitting actually meant. Was it worth it? A thousand times yes.

I was someone who based my identity around drinking. Then I based my identity as someone who struggled to quit.

When I finally committed to staying sober no matter what (and accepting help and doing what other people before me did) did I change. It was a humbling and profoundly rewarding experience.

You can get better. I promise.

But you have to stay committed. Laser focus for the first year at least.

You can do it. Wishing you well.

thomas11

I wanted to quit for 2 years before I actually did. Pretty painful 2 years. Constantly letting myself down.

WeThinkNot

This reminds me of a crass expression I once heard about wanting things. Want in one hand, take a crap in the other and see which one fills up quicker.

During my drinking years I wanted to stop the madness. I wanted to stop hating myself. I wanted to not have to ever experience hangovers ever again. I wanted to be able to save some money. I wanted to stop disappointing people who cared about me.

"Hey WeThinkNot do you want to do whatever it takes to stop drinking?"

"...…..well....."

The universe does not care what I nor anybody else wants. Action is everything.

George3334

Good question. I think I went through, like, 2 to 3 years of stopping and starting and stopping again. And then a switch went off in my brain, finally, an inner voice, that helped me to make the decision for myself. It was empowering for me to make the decision for myself, and not due to others telling me to quit.