Hello All!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 6
Hello All!
Thought I’d introduce myself as I am new to this forum and recovery. Long time problem drinker (21 years) but things have been escalating rapidly and I can’t continue. I have a psychiatrist that I see for depression, but I’ve hidden my alcohol abuse which I feel terrible about. I can be honest at my next appointment, but I finally admitted to myself this weekend that I am not capable of controlling my drinking, and that I must stop entirely if I’m going to live up to my potential. Hit my bottom on Sunday and it was so scary.
From the outside, I superficially seem like I’ve got things together—well paying job, MBA from a top university, own a nice home, but the reality is I’m slowly killing myself and robbing myself of what should be a fulfilling life by not admitting to my problem and asking others for help.
I will stop there—just wanted to share.
From the outside, I superficially seem like I’ve got things together—well paying job, MBA from a top university, own a nice home, but the reality is I’m slowly killing myself and robbing myself of what should be a fulfilling life by not admitting to my problem and asking others for help.
I will stop there—just wanted to share.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome, I'm glad you found us.
I lied to my doctors, too.
I hit bottom and bounced many times before I was able to finally admit, like you, that I can not control my drinking.
I drank for thirty five years, the last ten of those trying to quit.
Save yourself a lot of frustration and misery and quit now. I know, easier said than done. But you can do it. Many of us here are. I've been sober over ten years.
Yes, a fulfilling life awaits you sober. Don't think it can't get worse. If you're anything like a real alcoholic, it can and will.
You just admitted your problem. You're asking for help. There you go, you're on your way.
You'll find a lot of support here, so stick around.
Best to you.
I lied to my doctors, too.
I hit bottom and bounced many times before I was able to finally admit, like you, that I can not control my drinking.
I drank for thirty five years, the last ten of those trying to quit.
Save yourself a lot of frustration and misery and quit now. I know, easier said than done. But you can do it. Many of us here are. I've been sober over ten years.
Yes, a fulfilling life awaits you sober. Don't think it can't get worse. If you're anything like a real alcoholic, it can and will.
You just admitted your problem. You're asking for help. There you go, you're on your way.
You'll find a lot of support here, so stick around.
Best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 6
Thanks for your response! Much appreciated 😊. I know quitting now will be many times easier than down the road. I feel like alcohol is worsening cognitive abilities and memory which I believe are signs that I am doing long-term damage to my body so it is time to end this cycle. Plus my depression has gone from a demon that mostly lived in the back of my mind to front and center and making me think erratic thoughts at time. Will discuss this with my psych and therapist soon.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Welcome Penguin.
I am a lot like you, on the outside, everything looks good and successful. I hide my alcohol use and my struggles. I lie to everyone about it. Hell, I haven't really been that honest about it on here yet. That's the nature of addiction I guess.
I am glad you are here and that you shared. It is a very kind forum and maybe here is a place we can both be honest. Thanks to this forum I am heading for 2 weeks and I am getting a little more open in this safe space.
I look forward to making the journey with you.
I am a lot like you, on the outside, everything looks good and successful. I hide my alcohol use and my struggles. I lie to everyone about it. Hell, I haven't really been that honest about it on here yet. That's the nature of addiction I guess.
I am glad you are here and that you shared. It is a very kind forum and maybe here is a place we can both be honest. Thanks to this forum I am heading for 2 weeks and I am getting a little more open in this safe space.
I look forward to making the journey with you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Yes stick around. You can learn alot here and reading is motivating to wanting to quit. I recently quit about a month ago after 25-30 years of heavy drinking all day long. You just have to make that first move to quit for the first day and take it from there. Read, maybe scroll down and read the recovery storied section. Trust me/us, not drinking is way better. You feel like crap when you drink like we do and is costs alot and hurts your body alot. I'm 5 weeks sober and $500 richer. And I notice it alot in my wallet. I realized alcohol was one of my main expenses during the week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 6
Is there any general strategy on telling family? I come from a long line of alcoholics so I don’t think it will shock anyone. That said, I’ve always been a private person and don’t like being judged. I haven’t done anything to damage family relationships and have good relationship with em all. Still, I cringe at the thought of having a stigma associated with me.
i know recovery will be easier if I have a support network. It’s just tough for me to admit I need help to close family and friends.
i know recovery will be easier if I have a support network. It’s just tough for me to admit I need help to close family and friends.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Originally Posted by Penguin1982 
Thanks for your response! Much appreciated 😊. I know quitting now will be many times easier than down the road. I feel like alcohol is worsening cognitive abilities and memory which I believe are signs that I am doing long-term damage to my body so it is time to end this cycle. Plus my depression has gone from a demon that mostly lived in the back of my mind to front and center and making me think erratic thoughts at time. Will discuss this with my psych and therapist soon.
Didn't even know I had a mental illness until, like you, it came to the forefront and alcohol no longer controlled it. It did, in fact, make it worse after drinking while recovering from a drunk. What a nightmare.
And to think I went through that for ten years. Whew.
As you can see there are people here who understand.
Sobriety is it's own reward. I believe even if I didn't have a mental illness I still would have been an alcoholic.
So, yeah, it's great to have you here. You can quit. It may take some work, but you can stop drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome aboard Penguin
If you're living with your family then it's probably good to raise the issue - but if you're not, and its not necessary to tell them to stay sober, why not wait a bit?
Don't go looking for stress where you don't have to.
D
If you're living with your family then it's probably good to raise the issue - but if you're not, and its not necessary to tell them to stay sober, why not wait a bit?
Don't go looking for stress where you don't have to.
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome! Yes, drinking will make depression worse. It did mine. 
I was on antiD's but they didn't work cause I was drinking. Now that I'm sober, my meds work like they should and my mood/attitude is so much better.
I second Dee's suggestion. You don't need to 'tell' anyone you're stopped drinking. Maybe just on a 'need to know' basis. If they don't need to know, don't tell them. Besides, when you're sober people notice the change in behavior and attitude that sobriety brings.
I suggest using SR as a recovery tool. Post and read. Join the class of July if you are quitting this month. There is a 24 hour thread in the Daily Support forum that you can commit to sobriety a day at a time.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-450-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 450)
I have been sober over 9 yrs now and never once have I woken up and wished I had drank the night before.
Yes, drinking will make depression worse. It did mine. 
I was on antiD's but they didn't work cause I was drinking. Now that I'm sober, my meds work like they should and my mood/attitude is so much better.I second Dee's suggestion. You don't need to 'tell' anyone you're stopped drinking. Maybe just on a 'need to know' basis. If they don't need to know, don't tell them. Besides, when you're sober people notice the change in behavior and attitude that sobriety brings.
I suggest using SR as a recovery tool. Post and read. Join the class of July if you are quitting this month. There is a 24 hour thread in the Daily Support forum that you can commit to sobriety a day at a time.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-450-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 450)
I have been sober over 9 yrs now and never once have I woken up and wished I had drank the night before.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 409
Welcome Penguin, you will find a lot of fine people and support here.
I too was together on the outside and kept my escalating alcohol issues to myself until i just couldn’t take it any more.
Over a month sober and this site has been a huge influence.
Still haven’t really discussed it with anyone.
I think we need a new name for being sober though.
Something more joyful perhaps?
I too was together on the outside and kept my escalating alcohol issues to myself until i just couldn’t take it any more.
Over a month sober and this site has been a huge influence.
Still haven’t really discussed it with anyone.
I think we need a new name for being sober though.
Something more joyful perhaps?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Originally Posted by Penguin1982
Is there any general strategy on telling family? I come from a long line of alcoholics so I don’t think it will shock anyone. That said, I’ve always been a private person and don’t like being judged. I haven’t done anything to damage family relationships and have good relationship with em all. Still, I cringe at the thought of having a stigma associated with me.
i know recovery will be easier if I have a support network. It’s just tough for me to admit I need help to close family and friends.
i know recovery will be easier if I have a support network. It’s just tough for me to admit I need help to close family and friends.
Have you told your family and friends about your depression?
I've found a real stigma attached to mental illness. I mean bad.
I haven't even told my close friends for fear of the stigma and freaking them out.
I would take one step at a time. Concern yourself with quitting and then, maybe, tell them you're stopping drinking because it's become a problem.
You don't have to yell it from the roof tops. I would do it at my own pace and work on getting sober.
It is tough to get sober without support. That's why I went to AA. The people there, and here, are my support.
Over ten years sober, and I still need support. I know myself all too well if left to my own devices.
That's why posts like yours help me. I learn it hasn't changed 'out there'.
Take it one thing at a time. You can come clean to people at your own pace.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Regarding telling people: I told my blood family, but they didn't live near me, so they couldn't create any problems for me regarding my drinking problem/quitting.
I quit without family support, though. I told them a couple years later. In visits during those two years I just didn't have a drink with them. When they drank alcohol I drank something else and didn't make a big deal about it. By the time I outed myself about it having become a problem I was very secure in my sobriety and their opinions (which were teensy) made no ripple in my head.
As far as telling friends - I did pretty much the same thing. They don't need me to give them an explanation. Some people I still haven't told and never will. It's really not their business. Even in cases where I talk about quitting for good, I don't mention the word alcoholism. Other people can draw whatever conclusions they want to draw. Fine by me.
I quit without family support, though. I told them a couple years later. In visits during those two years I just didn't have a drink with them. When they drank alcohol I drank something else and didn't make a big deal about it. By the time I outed myself about it having become a problem I was very secure in my sobriety and their opinions (which were teensy) made no ripple in my head.
As far as telling friends - I did pretty much the same thing. They don't need me to give them an explanation. Some people I still haven't told and never will. It's really not their business. Even in cases where I talk about quitting for good, I don't mention the word alcoholism. Other people can draw whatever conclusions they want to draw. Fine by me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's great to have you join us, Penguin. I felt all alone before I found SR. No one understood what I was going through.
I was able to hold a lid on things for a long time, but when things began to fall apart I didn't heed the warning signs. I'm very glad you've realized what needs to happen. You can get free!
I was able to hold a lid on things for a long time, but when things began to fall apart I didn't heed the warning signs. I'm very glad you've realized what needs to happen. You can get free!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Welcome . like I tell most folks. You come to right place. For support .feedback. Know how. Feel me. Something you read here might work for you. Its all for the cause. Sobriety.....i dig coming on herw and sharing . its helped me. I got 72 days under my belt . let mw tell you its a good feeling. So come .share .learn. Recover. Live........keep coming back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Regarding telling people: I told my blood family, but they didn't live near me, so they couldn't create any problems for me regarding my drinking problem/quitting.
I quit without family support, though. I told them a couple years later. In visits during those two years I just didn't have a drink with them. When they drank alcohol I drank something else and didn't make a big deal about it. By the time I outed myself about it having become a problem I was very secure in my sobriety and their opinions (which were teensy) made no ripple in my head.
As far as telling friends - I did pretty much the same thing. They don't need me to give them an explanation. Some people I still haven't told and never will. It's really not their business. Even in cases where I talk about quitting for good, I don't mention the word alcoholism. Other people can draw whatever conclusions they want to draw. Fine by me.
I quit without family support, though. I told them a couple years later. In visits during those two years I just didn't have a drink with them. When they drank alcohol I drank something else and didn't make a big deal about it. By the time I outed myself about it having become a problem I was very secure in my sobriety and their opinions (which were teensy) made no ripple in my head.
As far as telling friends - I did pretty much the same thing. They don't need me to give them an explanation. Some people I still haven't told and never will. It's really not their business. Even in cases where I talk about quitting for good, I don't mention the word alcoholism. Other people can draw whatever conclusions they want to draw. Fine by me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Ghostlight1
Yes, coming clean is a tough one. Fortunately everyone knew I was a drunk. I'm estranged from my family so can't help you there.
Have you told your family and friends about your depression?
I've found a real stigma attached to mental illness. I mean bad.
I haven't even told my close friends for fear of the stigma and freaking them out.
I would take one step at a time. Concern yourself with quitting and then, maybe, tell them you're stopping drinking because it's become a problem.
You don't have to yell it from the roof tops. I would do it at my own pace and work on getting sober.
It is tough to get sober without support. That's why I went to AA. The people there, and here, are my support.
Over ten years sober, and I still need support. I know myself all too well if left to my own devices.
That's why posts like yours help me. I learn it hasn't changed 'out there'.
Take it one thing at a time. You can come clean to people at your own pace.
Have you told your family and friends about your depression?
I've found a real stigma attached to mental illness. I mean bad.
I haven't even told my close friends for fear of the stigma and freaking them out.
I would take one step at a time. Concern yourself with quitting and then, maybe, tell them you're stopping drinking because it's become a problem.
You don't have to yell it from the roof tops. I would do it at my own pace and work on getting sober.
It is tough to get sober without support. That's why I went to AA. The people there, and here, are my support.
Over ten years sober, and I still need support. I know myself all too well if left to my own devices.
That's why posts like yours help me. I learn it hasn't changed 'out there'.
Take it one thing at a time. You can come clean to people at your own pace.
Thanks—agreed that taking it at my own pace is a good strategy. I do have a significant other who has been beyond supportive in my decision and has had friends she has helped through sobriety. She knows about my depression but doesn’t agree with the medication my psych prescribed so that’s been a touchy subject (she is concerned long term impact is still relatively unknown).
Regardless, ill have her as a friend through this but this is the first time I’ve truly wanted to quit for myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
That's great you've got support. And, yeah, I guess when it comes down to it, we really do have to quit for ourselves. I know I did.
Just remember, you can do it. I was drunk for a long time. I saw friends and co-workers die from this disease and that's where I was headed.
Make Sunday's bottom your last one. That'll be progress. You can do it.
Just remember, you can do it. I was drunk for a long time. I saw friends and co-workers die from this disease and that's where I was headed.
Make Sunday's bottom your last one. That'll be progress. You can do it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I cannot emphasize enough how much better it is living sober. But it takes some sober time to get to that point. It took me several months of sobriety and practicing gratitude to get to where I felt happy again.
Stick with it, sobriety is worth the effort.
But it takes some sober time to get to that point. It took me several months of sobriety and practicing gratitude to get to where I felt happy again. Stick with it, sobriety is worth the effort.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Welcome to SR Penguin, great avatar name!
Quitting alcohol is hard but do-able, it is a good idea to read some of the "stickies" at the top of the webpage about dealing with cravings etc.
I suspect there is a fair chance that quitting your alcohol intake will help you to beat your depression as alcohol itself is a depressant. In that regard I would definitely tell your psychiatrist about your drinking and your intention to quit. Apart from anything else it will affect any medication you are prescribed.
I pretty much agree with what others have said as regards family and friends, if you are pressed to give a reason for quitting I would just say it's for health reasons as you were drinking too much. That is truthful but without giving people the opportunity to be judgemental.
Good luck!
Quitting alcohol is hard but do-able, it is a good idea to read some of the "stickies" at the top of the webpage about dealing with cravings etc.
I suspect there is a fair chance that quitting your alcohol intake will help you to beat your depression as alcohol itself is a depressant. In that regard I would definitely tell your psychiatrist about your drinking and your intention to quit. Apart from anything else it will affect any medication you are prescribed.
I pretty much agree with what others have said as regards family and friends, if you are pressed to give a reason for quitting I would just say it's for health reasons as you were drinking too much. That is truthful but without giving people the opportunity to be judgemental.
Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 6
Today was bad—emotions all over the place internally but was able to keep things together at work on the surface. I’ve had difficulty sleeping since going sober and had to close my office today mid-day to try and take a quick nap so I had the energy to finish the day. Someone slipped a document I had printed under my door. I was asleep at the time and assumed I would have awoken if they knocked. Hoping they thought I was on a call and were trying to not interrupt.
Anyways, I read into things too much and hope this wasn’t a big deal. I’m trying to be a healthier person and employee but it’s a marathon and not a race.
Anyways, I read into things too much and hope this wasn’t a big deal. I’m trying to be a healthier person and employee but it’s a marathon and not a race.
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