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Emotional Neglect of our Children My youngest will be 30 tomorrow...Because I am sober...I was able to get some really COOL things for him... He said to me today (I gave him his stuff today cause I don't want to give them to him in front of others tomorrow)....So he SAID...I think I love what you did for my birthday...He said I don't really remember many other birthdays... I said because when you turned 13 I stopped having birthdays for you...and just threw you 100 bucks.....He said oh yea thats right. I KNOW it is because i didn't have the energy or brain power to think of anything thoughtful....I was pacifying MYSELF by acknowledging his birthday with money...But as I saw today....I was emotionally neglecting him of course in many ways and NOT just this way.... I thank God I am sober today...and that I was able to make my youngest son SMILE....I think it has been a long time since I have made anyone smile from a gift of my "heart"....a very long time..... I couldn't do that sober...I also remember when they were old enough to walk to the fast food joints...instead of sitting with them for dinner and asking how there days were or if anything was bothering them..... I HAD MY BEER...I was cleaning the house....keeping busy after work....and throwing money at them to go buy themselves some fast food...Always thinking they would LOVE me for that. I robbed my kids of a good emotional relationship with their MOM cause of ALCOHOL. |
hey Missy, i did some of that. the details vary but the screwy priorities don’t. i got sober just before my oldest daughter’s 30th birthday, and she is now 42, her sister 40, and the relationships have shifted. my priorities have straightened out. you just keep going and you will have many more smiles and special celebrations. |
Children can heal. My mom drank alcoholically and battled mental illness for the better part of my childhood. It was incredibly hard for my sisters and me. But you know what? We watched her pull herself out from the deepest pit, do whatever it took to get better. And she did. I have a good relationship with my mother today. I admire her for what she did, and I know she fought so hard to get better because she loves us so much. We all had to deal with the emotional fallout of those years (not just her, there was a ton of stuff happening with my entire family) but we have slowly but surely rebuilt it all. Actions always speak louder than words, and I’m sure they can see that you are working hard and trying. You can’t chnge the past, but you can always make your own future. I’m just coming from a place where I’ve been on both sides now, and I can tell you that yeah, it sucks to have a parent caught up in mental illness, addiction, etc. But the damage is not irreparable. Keep pushing forward Missy. |
Me too Missy. And dpac414, THANK YOU, for saying that about admiring your Mom. My kids have both told me the same thing. |
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