How long does it last?
 

The hangover. Not the gut wrenching, head pounding, shameful hangover of a night out. No. I know how long that lasts. I am talking of the early recovery leap into the unknown hangover. I am talking of the sober alcoholic.

I read somewhere that in sobriety we become the people we were always meant to be. If that is the case then I am not very impressed with the real me. Four months into recovery I find that I am more impatient and intolerant than I have ever been as a drunk. While drinking to excess I somehow found it easier to accept other people, to overlook character flaws and to ignore downright stupidity. I suppose I knew that as a drunk many overlooked my bad behaviour and I reciprocated.

Either this is the real me, or this is still part of the long term effect of abusive drinking. Whatever it is, I will have to work a lot harder at becoming a more acceptable human being, not only for others but also for myself.

It sounds like you know what to do. Just work on being more tolerant and patient.

I started to settle in to my 'true self" at around 6 months sober. I was more relaxed, didn't have cravings, and genuinely had fun doing the activities that interest me. I was able to laugh again, feel comfortable in my own skin, and start to put the shame and regrets of years of alcohol abuse behind me. Every month gets better and better, give yourself some more time. You're off to a great start!! :scoregood

Hello Callas,
Congratulations on 4 months, that is huge. SR is a great place to share where you are with people who understand. This site has always been an inspiration, and many people here have helped me. I am also very active in AA, and sponsor 4 men, as well as doing service work in the county jail every week.
I often say to newcomers that we spent a good deal of our lives, drinking and becoming very good at what we do.....until that became a problem. The First Step in a 12 step recovery program has two parts to it. The second after admitting we are powerless, is that our lives have become unmanageable. The 12 steps and the first 164 pages of the AA Big Book teach us how to learn to live again without alcohol. So recovery is a process, especially if we have been drinking for years. It has become so much a part of the fabric of our lives, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It takes time to relearn how to live a sober life. We spent 10-20-30 years walking into the woods of alcoholism, fumbling our way. It will take a while to find our way back out of the woods. Remember that you cannot do this alone, as hard as you try. Surrendering our will allows us to relax and enjoy the new journey of self discovery. Be patient, and kind to yourself.
I find when I attend a meeting or do service work, that I am working with people who understand how I think, and as an alcoholic, I think very differently than many people. That helps keep me be aware of who I really am. Progress, not perfection.
For me getting a good sponsor in AA, and really digging deep, working the steps,opened so many new doors. I am 5 years sober now, and look forward to every new day.
Keep up the good work, 4 months is great, you are on the way!
Thank You,
BSA

Congrats on 4 months!

Well, at least for me, removing alcohol didn't reveal some 'new' me. I was a similar me, just not drinking.

No doubt alcohol kept me from doing many things. I mean, I could go on about that for an hour. So removing alcohol, and giving myself time to heal and adjust, just allows me the opportunity to 'fix' and/or create aspects of myself.

You mention being able to ignore other people better when drunk. Really we ignore ourselves when drunk....so things that I don't like about me are more tolerable when drinking. Forget about other people, I have no control over them. This is all about my actions, reactions and choices.

Its about emotional maturity. Or IQ. To find the 'new' you, you need to embrace the holistic you. Figure out what your assets are and what you deficits are. What your values are. Align motive and intent with those values.

It isn't about anyone else. It's about you.

I went to a treatment program and they teach you how to deal with what you are feeling. It sounds stupid but it really helps to create a gratitude list. do it every day if you have to.

callas,how old were you when you took your very first drink?

4 months is too early to have any idea who you really are yet. It takes sometime for emotions to settle down. If I were really the person I felt like at 4 months I probably would have gone back to drinking. I didn't like that person much. Sure - there were good days and glimmers of hope, but I was irritable, weepy, angry, remorseful, etc etc. at that time. It wasn't fun. But because I was in outpatient treatment and going to AA on a regular basis, I knew it would get better. I saw my counselors at treatment, all recovering people themselves, having very nice lives and feeling good about themselves. I saw lots of people with some solid sobriety time in AA who were living the kind of life I wanted. So I tried to be patient. With myself, with others. That wasn't easy - as an alcoholic, I wanted quick fixes. I was frustrated at times - where was my happy new life? Why hadn't everyone forgiven me yet? Where were those "promises?" I had to learn to temper my expectations.

Takes time. It does get better.

Hi Tomsteve, I was about 18 I guess.

Hey four months aint nothing to sneeze at. Congrats . all you have to do is tweak some of the other aspects and your good to go.

MLD and others said it right - 4 months is great and really early. I also recall it being a rough one for me - I was angry and irritated a lot, and usually at un-important stuff. It passed - and I knew how to make quick amends much better by then!!

The entire process of healing, finding our new self (I believe we find a new version of ourselves, with some of the basic things there all along, rather than recovering an old self - we don't just revert) and living beyond being sober, into a life in recovery, is a process.

My program of AA was the guide and it indeed supports the new ways I learned (and still grow in doing) to deal with life as well as I can.

Keep going Callas. So much good, security in yourself and peace come as we grow in recovery.

the reason i ask is that it is often thought that a person stops growing mentally and emotionally when they took their first drink. idk about you but myself at 18- i couldnt wait for anything or tolerate much and thats how i was when i got sober- mentally and emotionally a teen. it has taken me quite a bit of work to mature.
i had heard early one, and i believed it, that it takes at least a year for the full mental and emotional effects of alcohol to disappear. that was about the time i truly started maturing

I think you are doing very well.

The key is to focus on doing the right things all day long, from a recovery standpoint and generally, and not worry about when the magic starts to occur.

It already has, in large part, since you have been sober for 4 months.

In recovery, things don't change - we do.

We especially change in how we respond and react to both internal and external stimuli.

It happens over time.

We hope that you stay sober and that you remain here with us.

The magic's comin'.

There were two phases for me - one stop drinking and two - be happy: build a sober life I love.

I find when I'm being intolerant judgmental contemptuous of others or impatient it's usually due to something in me.

I don't want to be any of those things so I started service work - helping others. I'm not saying thats the answer for everyone but for me it helps to get the correct perspective on the things that tick me off.


What would your sober life be like if you could have everything you wanted to be happy Callas?

D