Kaily

Morning everyone,

Lots of great posts n new weekenders. Nice.

Vman sorry things have been difficult for you lately. Stress at work and at home must make it all feel relentless. Hope things settle down soon.

Bim I hope there has been no more quaking of the earth ~ can't imagine what that is like, and with a bad tummy too, how inconsiderate. Glad your on the mend.

Willow I feel the same way as you. A foot in both camps, that is a good way to describe it. Just got to keep following the right one.

Mariposa stay strong and sober ~ I know you will.

Shenzy well done! You did it and that proves you can. Stay close.

Mags hope you feel better soon.

I am off out for a long walk before it gets too hot for the dogs, although they are both snoring away so not sure how keen they are on my eagerness this morning. Then food shopping on a Saturday afternoon, something I normally avoid, not good with too much hustle and bustle but needs must.

saoutchik

Welcome to the Weekenders thread Slaybells!

Mariposa, sorry to read about the troubles in your personal life, you too VMan. Becoming non drinkers changes the dynamic in a relationship sometimes and of course normal drinkers have relationship issues. Your AV will try to use anything like that as an "in" which makes things worse. I wish both of you all the best.

Fingers crossed the earth doesn't move for you tonight bim.

Mags, I hope your headache clears up soon, they seem unfair when we haven't drunk things that cause them.

Finding a way to get through the first two months is the hardest part of recovery imo so that has to be the goal to begin with. After that things to get easier and although people do relapse after longer sober periods it tends to be because of complacency and/or forgetfulness rather than cravings. Congratulations to all of you who made it through Friday.

Willow00

I hope things improve for you soon Vman. Work and relationship stuff going on at the same time is more than doubly difficult

Love the pic Kaily

Mags I hope you feel better soon

Sao yes I think complacency and forgetfulness are definitely things to beware of. I don’t get cravings as often, but the AV tries to convince me that it’s all good now, and it wasn’t really as big an issue as I make it out to be... and in creeps complacency. So remaining vigilant is so necessary.

Saturday evening here and I’m curled up on the couch with a book

Foggyriver

Good morning to everyone. I am so glad I woke up without the guilty feeling of having drunk last night. Today I plan to pick up some sparkling waters and flavored waters to have something “special” to drink in the evening.

I hope you feel better soon, Mags.

I hope you both have a better day, Mariposa and VMan. You all are inspiring examples that nothing can be made better by drinking.

STDragon

Morning gang.

Never exprienced an earthquake, due to living on the Canadian sheild I s'pose.

One of the difficult things for me is speaking out. It's just been so much easier to shut up, hide in the garage and drink. As a result, I had quietly resented some aspects of the dynamic's in our relationship. For the most part, I've come to appreciate those same dynamics but do have trouble speaking my mind. Part of me still want's to hide in the garage. It's a slow process but we are learning to navigate together what the sober me brings to the relationship. We've been married for 23 years.

Good idea Kaily, I should take the dog for a walk before it get's to hot. Expecting 35c today.

Taking the family for a picnic in the park this morning also.

biminiblue

I know you made it through without a drink, but well done on posting this - I think it helps every time I reinforce to myself that yes, I have a thought about having a drink and no, I won't do it.

That part about "be much happier" - I wish I could somehow give newly sober people a preview of their life with some sober time (for me it was over a year.) I did almost all of it "out and about on my own" because I'm single and did most of my drinking here in my apartment.

Unfortunately we all know how it will go if we drink. The choice is clear to me regardless of the mental gymnastics sometimes.

Music festival sounds fun!

Vman I hope you find a compromise for whatever is going on, without raised voices or regrets.

LOVE Ben Harper. You have very good taste in music. (Says Bum)



...that was a poke-back at Mags, I laughed at the "Bum."

Mags1

Lol Bim, I’m pleased your sense of humour came to the fore...I can be such a fool sometimes not to notice a mistake.

Headache has scarpered, I’m pleased to say. Thanks for the kind words.

I remember when I drank Mr.M saying I’d be fine if it wasn’t for the boozing. He was wrong, in a way. I didn’t realise but drinking anesthetised me from facing reality. Without it, I had to learn who I was and how to live without hiding from life.
It was an obstacle I found hard, facing up to me, but never as hard as the addiction I was wrapped up in and I was determined to climb all the hurdles. It was so worth it.
Life for me is better without alcohol.

If you’re struggling, remember it all comes to pass, it is worth it , it will and does get so much better.

mariposa

least

I'm always glad to wake up sober each day.

Willow00

hi weekenders I keep having thoughts that I might drink on my upcoming holidays.

I’ve been having long conversations with the AV in my head about the possibility. I know it’s really dangerous territory. So I need to work through it before I go on holidays. I keep reminding myself of how bad I felt when I stopped.

When I decided I really had to quit drinking I started writing a diary on Day 1 of my first serious attempt at stopping. I wrote a detailed account of how absolutely dreadful I felt.
A month later I was still writing the same stuff. Still on day 1. Still felt like hell. Groundhog day 1.... ugggghhh it was awful

My last day 1 was 14 May 2018. The first week was hell and then it slowly started to get less awful. The physical effects were definitely less intense but the disconnect, anxiety and depression took longer... the emotional and psychological effects are still things I need to work on.

So intellectually I know drinking is a bad idea.
And I’m not planning on drinking anytime soon. But the holidays are worrying me. I will be surrounded by lots of drinking, and old friends who only knew the “drinking me” and who are still heavy drinkers. And I cannot avoid this holiday or them. And part of me really wants to relax and join them in drinking. I realise it’s the AV talking. So I need a plan. You guys have helped me through so many tricky holiday weekends. And this holiday is big. I’m not sure of my internet access or opportunity to post but I think I’ll need to stick close to SR.

I’m not drinking..... I need to somehow make a Fullstop happen at the end of this sentence. I can easily put a fullstop there on paper, but it has to be real, not a pretend one. I have to actually believe it. I know I still have work to do to believe it. I need to work on my ongoing grief, feelings of futility, the anxiety, depression. All the stuff I used to drown in alcohol. I have to work through it.
I really need to put some more tools in my toolbox before I go on holiday.

I’ve booked an appointment with my counsellor before I go, but I know she drinks wine and I’m not sure if she really gets the extent of my problem because I haven’t even been fully open with her. I’ve only been fully honest here on SR. So that’s why I’ve just written this long post.

Sorry for the novel...

saoutchik

Opening up to your counsellor might be cathartic and ease your burden Willow, I would start there. The other thing you could do is arrange trips and visits and things on your holiday in order to minimise proximity to any drinking and especially to any focused drinking ie going to bars etc. It helps to rehearse in your head what you are going to say if you are offered a drink so that it sounds emphatic. Holidays are a lot more enjoyable without a hangover.

Lucinda2

Thank you Biminiblue. Your words helped me more than you will know. I have taken my dog out so many times that my MIL thinks it has bladder problems.

Moving into Day 10 here and feeling proud of myself. Mother in law here, been out for meal and to a gig. I stuck to my AF beers and soda/lime. I had a great time and didn't feel like I was missing out at all.

My dear sweet 'normal' husband drank a few beers while we were out but is supporting me by not drinking in the house which helps. He never drinks in the house if I am not because he knows that is my trigger point.

I am very blessed.

Dee74

This is where the old Mum thing of 'if everyone else jumped off a bridge would you jump too?" comes in.

Other people drink, they may even look as if their having a great time - heck they may actually be having a great time at that very second....

I can't drink and have a great time because I know I will drinking past that social drinking point into illness, self hatred, paranoia, secrecy and self loathing.

I can stay sober and have a great time though

I can laugh and be silly and stay up late and dance about and fall into bed as the sun rises if I want....

Whatever you want to do you can do sober.

If I thought I was missing out on anything sober, I'd be romanticising drinking too - but I know I'm not missing out on anything.

It's like my world and my self expanded again when I stopped drinking.

If you're not sure you can say that, then maybe you have more work to do?

If you're determined to go on this holiday maybe that's the lesson to work on and come away with Willow...how to love life sober, suck the marrow from the bones....and genuinely not give a damn if other people are drinking or not?

D

Willow00

Sao, you’re right, I do need to open up to my counsellor.... and I will. And if it doesn’t feel like a good fit I’ll look for another counsellor.

Thanks Dee. Your first comment made me smile My Mum actually did used to say those very words ❤️ I need to remember that I know she would be so proud of me not drinking.

And I know I have more work to do, without a doubt. I was drinking for 35 years. Since I was 15 and a troubled teenager. Alcohol numbed the pain. Now I have to deal with it, and the most painful thing in my life has happened since I got sober. Losing both parents. But I’m still sober 11 months down the track after losing them.

The holiday is unavoidable. An epic trip of several weeks that was booked and paid for 6 months ago, and which involves a family reunion that is a once in a lifetime thing and I know it will most likely be the last time I ever see my elderly family members again as they live so far away. It’s something very special and means a lot to me and to them. It’s the catch ups with the other people along the way that I need to keep my wits about me. There will definitely be drinking activities happening, but I can drink non-alcoholic drinks. I just have to make sure I stick to my plan. I have to keep reminding myself of the bad consequences of drinking. Constant vigilance.

I want that feeling that you said Dee:
“it’s like my world and my self expanded again when I stopped drinking”.
I want that so much.
Today I’m 14 months sober. I’m very grateful for this but I know I still have work to do.

I want my world and my self to expand.
I want the technicolor version.
The only pathway to that is to not drink.
And to do the work on my self.
Doing the work is key, not just abstaining from drinking.
I know that now. I have to face my inner demons and deal with them, and lay them to rest, so that I can truly embrace life, a rich, technicolor sober life

Mags1

Morning Weekenders

Willow , have you played the tape, have you imagined drinking on holiday and, forgetting any romantic notion about drinking, have you remembered why you stopped drinking, the hangovers, the not knowing what you said or did, maybe even embarrassment, not to say ruining our lives!

The world sells us alcohol as a fun, romantic, even classy drink! But we know, not being normies, what effect it has on us.

Talking it out may just make something click to remind you why you want this sobriety so much.

Willow00

Thanks Mags, yes I’ve been envisaging the waking up in a hotel room with a hangover from hell, head pounding, feeling shaky and nauseous and having to get on a train early in the morning with a sick bag in my lap Uggghh. I’m trying out the alternative of waking up sober, having a leisurely coffee and then admiring the scenery out the train window. A much better option

Kaily

Morning

It's raining. We need it but I was planning on going to a carboot sale this morning. Never mind.

Well done Lucinda and I bet your dog enjoyed all the extra walks ~ bladder problem or not.

Willow I hope you don't mind but I copied this that you posted last year.

What I have learned in the last 2 weeks:
1. We can do anything we set our mind to, but it helps enormously to have the support of caring people (thanks everyone on SR!)
2. I can have lots of fun sober, even when everyone else is drinking around me
3. My drinking friends and family will continue to love me sober
4. I like waking up hangover-free much more than I like the first buzz of drinking
5. The AV is a liar
6. I feel so much more positive, less depressed and less anxious sober
7. I sleep better without alcohol in my system
8. I am grateful for the chance to live the second half of my life sober
9. I can cherish and embrace every moment more richly when my senses aren’t dulled by alcohol
10. Life actually is brighter and more sparkling when I’m sober

I think it says it all.

Andy hope you enjoy the cricket today. 🔪⚾

mariposa

saoutchik

Morning Weekenders.

Happy Bastille Day VMan.

Willow00

Thanks Kaily, that’s a really lovely reminder, and perfect for me to read right now. Thank you ❤️
Dee suggested that I re-read my old posts and I’m going to search for them. I had a rosy optimistic outlook back then, and I want to find that again. I think that I’m still working through the terrible grief of losing my dear Mum. It was her birthday yesterday, the first without her being here, and it was a struggle, and it’s also coming up for the first anniversary since losing her, so I have been feeling rather vulnerable and sad. A prime AV target. So I have booked appointments both with my doctor and my counsellor before we go away. I need to lift myself up out of this sad patch and I’ll be ok.

Thanks for listening everyone, you guys are wonderful. I can’t thank you enough for your support ❤️