Feeling so 'off'.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
En, Sounds like you are handling an extremely difficult situation with loads of grace. Kuddos. I try to think about stressful/difficult situations as my personal crucibles...kind of a catalyst to work on some of my many character flaws. Or something like that.
I’ve thought lots about the whole caregiving thing in recent years. My parents have made no long term plans for what will happen, and they both have significant health problems. Their lives continue to be very enmeshed with my addict brother, so for my own sanity I’ve had to distance myself. I am unable to drop everything and move to where they are, and I have come to the conclusion that it’s not my responsibility to do so. My ex in-laws made extensive plans while they were still healthy, even moving to an appropriate community. It was great, and reflected their own choices, and I plan to do the same to spare my son from that burden when the time comes. I’ll help figure it out, but won’t subvert my own life to fix the problem they created with their inaction.
So, if it helps, this random person on the internet fully supports your thoughts to prioritize your needs and those of your daughter. I love my folks dearly, but that doesn’t mean I dramatically change course to be their solution.
Safe travels!
-bora
I’ve thought lots about the whole caregiving thing in recent years. My parents have made no long term plans for what will happen, and they both have significant health problems. Their lives continue to be very enmeshed with my addict brother, so for my own sanity I’ve had to distance myself. I am unable to drop everything and move to where they are, and I have come to the conclusion that it’s not my responsibility to do so. My ex in-laws made extensive plans while they were still healthy, even moving to an appropriate community. It was great, and reflected their own choices, and I plan to do the same to spare my son from that burden when the time comes. I’ll help figure it out, but won’t subvert my own life to fix the problem they created with their inaction.
So, if it helps, this random person on the internet fully supports your thoughts to prioritize your needs and those of your daughter. I love my folks dearly, but that doesn’t mean I dramatically change course to be their solution.
Safe travels!
-bora
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Frick, I lived in Tahoe, so I know about shopping and Reno. It's the only place near Tahoe where you can buy a tee shirt that doesn't say "Lake Tahoe" or something similar.
I haven't been there in 30 years, I'm sure everything is way different. I liked Reno's WildWest old-school casinos like Fitzgerald's and little dive joints...but granted that was back in the Day in my early twenties and it was definitely booze fueled.
What is that little city with the camel races? I love that little mining town...LMGTFY
Ah, Virginia City. So fun.
Funny how this lovely little video doesn't have a bunch of drunk people. Hm. Maybe it was just me.
Nah. Surely someone was drinking with me?!
I haven't been there in 30 years, I'm sure everything is way different. I liked Reno's WildWest old-school casinos like Fitzgerald's and little dive joints...but granted that was back in the Day in my early twenties and it was definitely booze fueled.
What is that little city with the camel races? I love that little mining town...LMGTFY
Ah, Virginia City. So fun.
Funny how this lovely little video doesn't have a bunch of drunk people. Hm. Maybe it was just me.
Nah. Surely someone was drinking with me?!
Hope we treated you well on your adventure!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Entropy - I really wanted to read all the posts but I have to ask: creepy heart shaped tub??! Please say it is. Sometimes cheeeeese helps.
Sending so much support to you - I am at the early prospective stages of my parents aging. My mom is acutely aware of even the slightest change in my dad because she is terrified of dementia. Your mom being "a force of nature" - mine, too. Reallllly thinking of you now.
Keep up the good going.
Sending so much support to you - I am at the early prospective stages of my parents aging. My mom is acutely aware of even the slightest change in my dad because she is terrified of dementia. Your mom being "a force of nature" - mine, too. Reallllly thinking of you now.
Keep up the good going.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Boreas. Thank you for the post. It helps me to know that another person isn't willing, and knows it's best for all, not to die on the cross.
And he!! yes. Make a darn plan. So typical of my parents not to...and for none of us to actually say 'uh, I think a situation is developing here. Maybe we should, uh, talk about this'. Then the situation is circling the drain....yes, now it's time to act. Duh. I'm going to be developing a plan too. For sure.
Oh my goodness my Mom just pulled down her pants. Brb.
Well that was weird. Alrighty then, plan? Yes. Save self. Hell yes.
And he!! yes. Make a darn plan. So typical of my parents not to...and for none of us to actually say 'uh, I think a situation is developing here. Maybe we should, uh, talk about this'. Then the situation is circling the drain....yes, now it's time to act. Duh. I'm going to be developing a plan too. For sure.
Oh my goodness my Mom just pulled down her pants. Brb.
Well that was weird. Alrighty then, plan? Yes. Save self. Hell yes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Bim, I remember you mentioning living in Tahoe. Fun Fun...and party party.
Virginia city. Loved it. Did fourth of july there one time. Blast....and booze filled. Missed the camel races....darn it.
Reno has changed a ton since I used to shop and live near by. Its much better and growing like crazy.
Virginia city. Loved it. Did fourth of july there one time. Blast....and booze filled. Missed the camel races....darn it.
Reno has changed a ton since I used to shop and live near by. Its much better and growing like crazy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Sated, yes Reno treated me very well. Super nice people. Sorry about the less than favorable chit chat. Living there is completely different than visiting, or shopping for that matter. Actually thank god I could shop in Reno. Truckee is stupid expensive.
When I tell people I moved from Cali to Idaho I generally get looks of pity. So,, not many know how awesome a place it is.....and that is just fine by me.
When I tell people I moved from Cali to Idaho I generally get looks of pity. So,, not many know how awesome a place it is.....and that is just fine by me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Oh August sorry to disappoint. Nothing heart shaped. Just black and surrounded by mirrors. Haha.
Well if I can encourage you to work with the parents....establish a long term plan. Not just trusts, advanced health care directives, and dpoa's...although that's a start. But a real deal, here's what you do when we can't take care of ourselves anymore.
The day will come for all of us. A plan is just the right thing to do!
Well if I can encourage you to work with the parents....establish a long term plan. Not just trusts, advanced health care directives, and dpoa's...although that's a start. But a real deal, here's what you do when we can't take care of ourselves anymore.
The day will come for all of us. A plan is just the right thing to do!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I'm loving you are sounding so positive and practicing SELF CARE.
No...don't change your mind about your parents...do the "new you".....
Use whatever you have to ...to get thru these difficult transitions and always put yourself #1....Take care of that cancer on a daily basis....that sounds of most importance.
No...don't change your mind about your parents...do the "new you".....
Use whatever you have to ...to get thru these difficult transitions and always put yourself #1....Take care of that cancer on a daily basis....that sounds of most importance.
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