Need to know not alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 10
Need to know not alone
first time on here . Husband drinks excessively. We had a lovely evening with a friend and as soon as she left he picked an argument about something small. It is affecting my mental health and I’m now seeing a counsellor. He’s a lovely man when sober , but I’m worried his drinking will spiral. He isn’t a nice person when drunk . I want to help him so badly, but I am so devastated
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
You can't help him 
...You can only help yourself...you are not alone so many struggle with spouses or family members hurting themselves and everyone else with alcohol.
If it were me and I was the "sober" one...I would need to step away from that environment and relationship and take care of me and watch my husband either spiral or get better from afar.
...You can only help yourself...you are not alone so many struggle with spouses or family members hurting themselves and everyone else with alcohol.If it were me and I was the "sober" one...I would need to step away from that environment and relationship and take care of me and watch my husband either spiral or get better from afar.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
AlAnon might be helpful for you. The hell I put my wife through was something I could not see until it was too late. I hope your husband comes around, but there's really nothing you can do for him except tell him exactly what you said here (ie, "You're not a nice person when you drink.") and hope it sticks.
Idea: Maybe you could surreptitiously video him while he is drunk and play it back to him in the morning when he's hung over. Seeing videos of myself drunk was a wake up call for me. Some people are sober Jekyll and drunk Hyde. I am one of those people. Your husband sounds like he may be too. Maybe showing Dr. Jekyll what he looks like as Mr. Hyde would work(?). Just an idea...
Idea: Maybe you could surreptitiously video him while he is drunk and play it back to him in the morning when he's hung over. Seeing videos of myself drunk was a wake up call for me. Some people are sober Jekyll and drunk Hyde. I am one of those people. Your husband sounds like he may be too. Maybe showing Dr. Jekyll what he looks like as Mr. Hyde would work(?). Just an idea...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Other than setting boundaries for what you will tolerate from him, there's not much you can do for him. I encourage you to get support for yourself. The counselor is a good idea. 
I had a counselor for several years and she helped me a lot.
Welcome to the family. We also have friends and family of alcoholics forums that you might like. You're not alone, even tho it may feel like it. 
I had a counselor for several years and she helped me a lot.Welcome to the family.
We also have friends and family of alcoholics forums that you might like. You're not alone, even tho it may feel like it. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I'm glad you're seeing someone - no one can force your husband to seek help unless he wants to - but you deserve help and support too.
You are definitely not alone sleeper - welcome aboard
D
You are definitely not alone sleeper - welcome aboard
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Welcome Sleeper. You definitely aren’t alone here.
Im a recovering alcoholic living with an active alcoholic. He is two different people depending on if he has been drinking or not.
I was the only one who could save myself. I cannot save him.
Im a recovering alcoholic living with an active alcoholic. He is two different people depending on if he has been drinking or not.
I was the only one who could save myself. I cannot save him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 10
Thanks so much for the replies it’s so comforting to know I am not alone in this situation. It’s just heartbreaking when he has a bad spell. I love him and he’s genuinely an amazing person but once he’s had a few drinks I can see the change in him. Hopefully he will be able to realise he needs to change, and I know i can’t force it but it’s hard because all i want to do is help. It’s good to know people are here to listen to me .
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