I guess everyone's out having fun but me
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Me thinks your addiction is playing tricks on you.
The fourth is a cool holiday and I'm glad so many enjoy it. I've been to a couple of big fireworks shows over the years and they are great....but the traffic to and from? Not so much.
I don't know what the deal is in my area but people bring in illegal fireworks and put on huge shows....kinda crazy, never would have happened when I was in Cali. But even that was less impressive last night. Loud, but not visual. Oh well. Poor doggie huddled up next to me, kitty under the bed.
My fondest memories are of sparklers, quite frankly. Loved those. And so did my daughter. But she was at a friends house so no sparklers.
Just sleep. And a bright shiny new day. And I forgot to tell my daughter I'm taking the car in so I get to walk home...5 miles. Oh well, won't hurt me.
The fourth is a cool holiday and I'm glad so many enjoy it. I've been to a couple of big fireworks shows over the years and they are great....but the traffic to and from? Not so much.
I don't know what the deal is in my area but people bring in illegal fireworks and put on huge shows....kinda crazy, never would have happened when I was in Cali. But even that was less impressive last night. Loud, but not visual. Oh well. Poor doggie huddled up next to me, kitty under the bed.
My fondest memories are of sparklers, quite frankly. Loved those. And so did my daughter. But she was at a friends house so no sparklers.
Just sleep. And a bright shiny new day. And I forgot to tell my daughter I'm taking the car in so I get to walk home...5 miles. Oh well, won't hurt me.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,964
Checking in today, WO. How are you? I’m glad you came here last night. This is not to say that you won’t occasionally have these moments, but after more sober time, it does get easier and you will have less urges. One of my first relapses after a long period of sobriety, 9 months, was on a July 4th. I couldn’t take the peer pressure and finally said eff it! I regretted every bit of it. It took me a while to get back on the wagon and I had several more relapses after that. Yesterday morning, my family went to the parade early. At 9 am, the folks around us were drinking blood Mary’s and begged me to have one. I couldn’t believe how relentless they were. Of course, they were already drunk. I held firm and they left me alone. It would have been more difficult a couple years ago. But I’m 2-1/2 years sober now and I did not feel any temptation. I just wanted the people to leave me alone.
This morning, I have a sense of pride and accomplishment. I am comfortable in my sobriety. I no longer feel like I’m missing out on anything by not drinking. We had early dinner guests last night. They left at 8:30. Went to bed before 9. A far cry from my drinking days, which I am grateful for.
It’s always one day at a time, WO. Keep going. You got this!
This morning, I have a sense of pride and accomplishment. I am comfortable in my sobriety. I no longer feel like I’m missing out on anything by not drinking. We had early dinner guests last night. They left at 8:30. Went to bed before 9. A far cry from my drinking days, which I am grateful for.
It’s always one day at a time, WO. Keep going. You got this!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I was watching a movie with my wife on the sofa. Then we went to bed. The 4th of July... we’ll without getting too deeply political it’s honestly difficult for me to find just rationale to celebrate being ‘American’ right now.
These days, I’d honestly rather be at home with my family than ‘out having fun’ with the masses. There are a lot of rewarding ways to just be present and grateful with life - and without booze.
happy Friday!
These days, I’d honestly rather be at home with my family than ‘out having fun’ with the masses. There are a lot of rewarding ways to just be present and grateful with life - and without booze.
happy Friday!
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
These days, I’d honestly rather be at home with my family than ‘out having fun’ with the masses. There are a lot of rewarding ways to just be present and grateful with life - and without booze.
That is how I am as well
Unfortunately my ex husband, in his 60's, didnt feel the same way
That is how I am as well
Unfortunately my ex husband, in his 60's, didnt feel the same way
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
Thanks for the support everyone. Yeah I made it. In fact I slept really well last night. And as though right on cue, I heard my downstairs neighbor throwing up. No joke.
I guess what bothers me the most is I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I'm 46 years old and sometimes I feel like I'm 18 again, unsure how to fill my time or whether I have made enough out of my life. Sobriety has left me with a lot of time on my hands. That's a good problem but it's definitely a problem.
It's not like I'm not trying, either. I deliberately have taken 5 days off this week. I have been trying to get into more hiking and fishing (fishing I'm especially new) so I went down to the lake yesterday. Big mistake. It was packed full of families BBQing and having "fun". Meanwhile I tried to find some sort of spot to fish, it was impossible.....
anyhow, long story short, it wasn't a fun day. I guess there's no other choice but to keep trying. Or else, what? Go back to drinking? That's never worked out.
It's just frustrating is all. The weak moments present themselves and Mr. AV jumps on it. You think he's gone but he's just lying in wait and sometimes you just want to say "F-it! I'll have a drink if you just leave me the hell alone already".
I know it doesn't work that way. I'm just tired is all. I'm sure sometime soon I'll be looking back on this being thankful that I didn't drink but for now I'm just getting tired and frustrated.
I guess what bothers me the most is I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I'm 46 years old and sometimes I feel like I'm 18 again, unsure how to fill my time or whether I have made enough out of my life. Sobriety has left me with a lot of time on my hands. That's a good problem but it's definitely a problem.
It's not like I'm not trying, either. I deliberately have taken 5 days off this week. I have been trying to get into more hiking and fishing (fishing I'm especially new) so I went down to the lake yesterday. Big mistake. It was packed full of families BBQing and having "fun". Meanwhile I tried to find some sort of spot to fish, it was impossible.....
anyhow, long story short, it wasn't a fun day. I guess there's no other choice but to keep trying. Or else, what? Go back to drinking? That's never worked out.
It's just frustrating is all. The weak moments present themselves and Mr. AV jumps on it. You think he's gone but he's just lying in wait and sometimes you just want to say "F-it! I'll have a drink if you just leave me the hell alone already".
I know it doesn't work that way. I'm just tired is all. I'm sure sometime soon I'll be looking back on this being thankful that I didn't drink but for now I'm just getting tired and frustrated.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
If it makes you feel better, I helped host a perfectly nice Fourth of July party with family but kept going upstairs to hide and go on my screens...
I’m disappointed in myself about that. I need to engage more, be happier, be more motivated about life but I’m just not.
Booze, well; no one needs that!
I’m disappointed in myself about that. I need to engage more, be happier, be more motivated about life but I’m just not.
Booze, well; no one needs that!
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Originally Posted by WaterOx 
Sobriety has left me with a lot of time on my hands. That's a good problem but it's definitely a problem.
Boredom is self imposed. Hope you find the way out.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I smiled ruefully at the waking up to someone throwing up comment. Ugh! And so glad that wasn't me 
To carl's good point real quick - lately, I have been (cue least here) focusing on gratitude a lot. I have a physical situation on my hands that I learned today might not be speedily dealt with - and more significantly, my husband and I along with his ex wife, are engaged in a 30-day-as-of-Aug 1 plan for my stepson to leave her home. His job-keeping-ability and recently discovered (by us) drug use are two of the issues.
I've heard or coined or whatever this phrase: I have first world sober person problems. Really, I do. It will be ok. We do have insurance so we can figure out how to pay for my painful but not crippling back problems. Even more basic, we are three sober parents - and I can focus on me first so I can serve everyone else. Plus I have a new adorable dog...and just ate a great grilled cheese w 'maters. And...
Which brings me to the OP and follow up - YAY! Waking up today sober- biggest gift of all. In sobriety, we can reframe a lot of things, situations and events as opportunities. So, for you right now, "I'm bored" can become "I've got time and a clear head to find something enjoyable to do." Or, "I can't go to this place because those friends drink a lot" into "I can do and go anywhere else. What sounds good? OH! And I can drive sober!"
I'd also add that part of changing these thoughts and learning how gratifying etc a sober life is - working a program. Killing time or distracting myself during the first days, sure! Weeks, too - BUT I also started AA and began to live a whole new way.
Thoughts on that aspect?
To carl's good point real quick - lately, I have been (cue least here) focusing on gratitude a lot. I have a physical situation on my hands that I learned today might not be speedily dealt with - and more significantly, my husband and I along with his ex wife, are engaged in a 30-day-as-of-Aug 1 plan for my stepson to leave her home. His job-keeping-ability and recently discovered (by us) drug use are two of the issues.
I've heard or coined or whatever this phrase: I have first world sober person problems. Really, I do. It will be ok. We do have insurance so we can figure out how to pay for my painful but not crippling back problems. Even more basic, we are three sober parents - and I can focus on me first so I can serve everyone else. Plus I have a new adorable dog...and just ate a great grilled cheese w 'maters. And...
Which brings me to the OP and follow up - YAY! Waking up today sober- biggest gift of all. In sobriety, we can reframe a lot of things, situations and events as opportunities. So, for you right now, "I'm bored" can become "I've got time and a clear head to find something enjoyable to do." Or, "I can't go to this place because those friends drink a lot" into "I can do and go anywhere else. What sounds good? OH! And I can drive sober!"
I'd also add that part of changing these thoughts and learning how gratifying etc a sober life is - working a program. Killing time or distracting myself during the first days, sure! Weeks, too - BUT I also started AA and began to live a whole new way.
Thoughts on that aspect?
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
Oh Water Ox, I was in bed at 8 last night. Of course I didn't fall asleep until almost 10 and woke up at 3:30am. I don't leave for work til 6:30 so that sucked...
I am Canadian and worked the first. We had special maple leaf shaped burgers, not because we are patriotic, but because they are tasty and only available once a year.
I enjoy fishing. I enjoy camping and hiking. I tend toward secluded out of the way spots. We have Crown land here in Canada, land owned by the government, free to use! I have a couple apps, a hiking trail one and a fishing app. Easy to figure out good fishing spots. It is called fishbrain and the hiking is, all trails. Might be worth checking.
I am Canadian and worked the first. We had special maple leaf shaped burgers, not because we are patriotic, but because they are tasty and only available once a year.
I enjoy fishing. I enjoy camping and hiking. I tend toward secluded out of the way spots. We have Crown land here in Canada, land owned by the government, free to use! I have a couple apps, a hiking trail one and a fishing app. Easy to figure out good fishing spots. It is called fishbrain and the hiking is, all trails. Might be worth checking.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,964
I’m glad you got through, WO
I know what you mean about sobriety leaving us with so much time, more than we know what to do with. I’ve picked up new hobbies, like painting and other creative projects, gardening, yoga classes and meditation. One thing I have come to embrace is not doing anything at all. Just learning to be still and quiet. I think we all need a little of that
I know what you mean about sobriety leaving us with so much time, more than we know what to do with. I’ve picked up new hobbies, like painting and other creative projects, gardening, yoga classes and meditation. One thing I have come to embrace is not doing anything at all. Just learning to be still and quiet. I think we all need a little of that
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
From someone who went out for “fun” yesterday after making a complete fool of myself, crying in bed all day, lost friends, said something offensive I completely don’t remember, oversharing my business and I’m day 1. The whole “fun” thing? Wished I’d stayed home and watched private Benjamin. I’m making July 4th my last day of being a fool, now I may have peace in my life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
I don't know what's going on but I'm not convinced it's entirely bad.
I also find that when I get up and move and interact with people I feel a lot better. It seems like just sitting around doesn't cut it any longer- and that's when I start feeling depressed.
It's like I have raised the bar higher but didn't even realize it. Now, the challenge is to find things to DO in order to keep that momentum going. Self sabotage is real, people. It will revert you back to "home base" if you're not careful.
I also find that when I get up and move and interact with people I feel a lot better. It seems like just sitting around doesn't cut it any longer- and that's when I start feeling depressed.
It's like I have raised the bar higher but didn't even realize it. Now, the challenge is to find things to DO in order to keep that momentum going. Self sabotage is real, people. It will revert you back to "home base" if you're not careful.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,643
Trust me, I'm a relapse extraordinaire - having a drink in your hand won't make your relax or feel okay or whatever you think it will bring. It will just make you sick. Over and over again. It will make you sick and you'll hate yourself for relapsing.
Just stay sober.
Just stay sober.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
WO - that is a very astute point. Keeping engaged with people and the world out there, somehow, is really important. Isolating is no bueno. I had to learn when I truly needed "down time" or "alone time" or any of the things that are now positives for my emotional sobriety and mental health, as they balance my very active life/recovery life. Early on, making ourselves engage when we don't want to is probably the better choice every time.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
I think I understand what you mean WO. Was thinking about that myself, the 'entirety' of 1) what's left when we stop drinking as well as 2) what the heck do I do instead of drinking. Although contingent on a person's specifics, the general pic when stopping is probably fairly bleak. The step by step understanding of what role drinking played in our lives can hit hard and hit often. Plus, speaking on my own reflections, seeking out new activities or considering them is daunting. So there's a rift between the chasm left from drinking and what we would like our sober lives to be like - problem is (at least for me) that drinking made me so self absorbed I either forgot or never really learned how engage with community. So my first steps are trying to figure that out and give new hobbies a 'pass' as far as getting frustrated over not doing something is concerned. Dont think I'm even at 18 on some things, but more like a toddler - still downloading that massive file named "What life is like, how to speak to people and understand you are one, too".
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