I’ve been used
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
I’ve been used
Alcoholics. I met one 20 years ago. Struggling, lost everything, bankrupt....he recovered and we made a life. He came back from bankruptcy, we built a beautiful home and life together. New cars, tryck, peace, happiness....I thought But, his family of origin just wasn’t having it. They never let him alone really to live his life with me. I was treated like the kind social worker who rehilbilitated the drunk. I stood by him thru 5150, relapses, nursed him back to life, treated him like a king... For the past 2 weeks it has been a living hell. Police, hospitals, paramedics, more police, passing out....of course his family is all up in it. Tonite he’s coming out of it, I told him I’m filing for divorce. He says to me, I bought that truck knowing I was going. I’m happier with them, and my grandkids. He wanted to leave all along! He did this drunk episode to put the final nail in it seems. He pretended for 20 years? Now he’s going to lose it all again! Everything he worked for, his job, his home, his wife...I’m stunned that 20 years means nothing....crazy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Dazedandconfused
I'm sorry for what brings you here but this is a place of great support.
I dunno what it is about alcoholics that we don;t simply end things but we need to crash and burn things.
Whatever his actions now or what he says, I doubt that this was the plan all along. It still must hurt to see him throw away effectively 20 years tho
Addiction is relentless - but I can't explain why some people relapse and others don't.
I'm sorry you and your kids and grandkids have gotten caught up in it.
D
I'm sorry for what brings you here but this is a place of great support.
I dunno what it is about alcoholics that we don;t simply end things but we need to crash and burn things.
Whatever his actions now or what he says, I doubt that this was the plan all along. It still must hurt to see him throw away effectively 20 years tho
Addiction is relentless - but I can't explain why some people relapse and others don't.
I'm sorry you and your kids and grandkids have gotten caught up in it.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
I very much doubt he pretended for 20 years, - sounds like he's trying to 'save face' and hurt you for filing for divorce.
You did all you could for him and a whole lot more.
Now it's time to make yourself happy.
Hugs to you x
You did all you could for him and a whole lot more.
Now it's time to make yourself happy.
Hugs to you x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Zanna 
I very much doubt he pretended for 20 years, - sounds like he's trying to 'save face' and hurt you for filing for divorce.
You did all you could for him and a whole lot more.
Now it's time to make yourself happy.
Hugs to you x
You did all you could for him and a whole lot more.
Now it's time to make yourself happy.
Hugs to you x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by aasharon90
I pray that you recieve all the happiness
you so deserve for the rest of your life.
Take care of yourself because you are
worth it.
you so deserve for the rest of your life.
Take care of yourself because you are
worth it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,965
I am so very sorry, Dazedandconfused. Please know this has nothing to do with you. It is about alcoholism. Please take care of yourself as first priority, get out now before you get in any deeper. Know that this too shall pass and a new life is waiting for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Fearlessat50
I am so very sorry, Dazedandconfused. Please know this has nothing to do with you. It is about alcoholism. Please take care of yourself as first priority, get out now before you get in any deeper. Know that this too shall pass and a new life is waiting for you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
He's an adult..let him figure it out. Bus/plane/train/hitchhiking.. whatever. Let him decide. When I got divorced from my exAw I gave her a suite at a hotel (I got for free)for 1week and told her "on the 7th morning,if you're still here security has been instructed to remove you. Figure it out." She did and I'm sure your soon to be ex will to.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by DontRemember
He's an adult..let him figure it out. Bus/plane/train/hitchhiking.. whatever. Let him decide. When I got divorced from my exAw I gave her a suite at a hotel (I got for free)for 1week and told her "on the 7th morning,if you're still here security has been instructed to remove you. Figure it out." She did and I'm sure your soon to be ex will to.
Ive got to leave this forum.
Ive been triggered with my own abandonment issues too many times.
Yes hes an adult but an impaired adult.
My bible says to do unto others...
If you dont want to be there for whatever reason leave but I dont think cruelty is necessary.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
This is really, really bad....I don't think you were used...but whatever pushed him to go back to alcohol (within himself) needs to be fixed and you have tried your best to be a good wife.....Hes sick and has problems....and
As bad as this feels right now to you...I hope you do file the divorce and find later on that this is a blessing for you....you shouldn't have to live this way...he is choosing to live this way...I hope you chose not to.
As bad as this feels right now to you...I hope you do file the divorce and find later on that this is a blessing for you....you shouldn't have to live this way...he is choosing to live this way...I hope you chose not to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
yes, his family never let us live our own lives. They were constantly involved, insisting him to be involved with their lives even tho he was 2000 miles away. It was a constant struggle for him; he felt torn apart a lot. They never let go. It’s been a struggle at times to have our own lives. It was about them. His mother his sister, they don’t have a life of their own. It was always What they were doing, how they felt, what they wanted. He cries now. Saying it’s so unfair to me. But, he chooses them over our marriage. What a lie and waste of 20 years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus
yes, his family never let us live our own lives. They were constantly involved, insisting him to be involved with their lives even tho he was 2000 miles away. It was a constant struggle for him; he felt torn apart a lot. They never let go. It’s been a struggle at times to have our own lives. It was about them. His mother his sister, they don’t have a life of their own. It was always What they were doing, how they felt, what they wanted. He cries now. Saying it’s so unfair to me. But, he chooses them over our marriage. What a lie and waste of 20 years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
How can he just drink his life down the tubes after re-building it? All that work and effort! He’s right back to where I found him. Jobless, homeless, and drinking. If he wanted out of our marriage so badly, he didn’t have to do all this. He could have just told me. I am so dazed and confused. After all this, comes time to enjoy the fruits of our labor and he burns it all down. 😢
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I hope you check out AlAnon in your city as a support for yourself. There is always risk in getting involved with an addict, and sadly your situation didn't work out. This is a time when you should focus on yourself and what you can do to move forward in your life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
