Hello, first post
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Hello, first post
Hello, I am Lucinda, UK.
Ex-heroin and crack addict - around 16yrs clean. Cleaned up on my own, no programme, stayed a very much social drinker - high days and holidays. Did very well for years, hit menopause, some rough stuff happened in the family and suddenly not so well. Not so much sudden as a gradual creep.
My relationship with alcohol has changed over the last couple of years. My husband, who has never had drug or alcohol problem, doesn't think I have a problem because I can go months without touching a drink, I don't drink every night, I don't drink until oblivion, don't drink my way through our extensive wine cellar etc. But because of my past history, I know when my relationship with a drug (in this case alcohol) has changed.
Drinking/not drinking has become a constant battle, stopping drinking once I start is a monumental effort (even though I am pretty good at that it is still an effort) and when I drink it is because I want to de-stress/to forget/not think. I know that my relationship with alcohol has changed.
Because I cleaned up from drugs on my own after almost 25yrs active addiction and have managed an extremely successful life on my own for years now it is really hard to ask for help. I am very proud of what I have achieved and the thought of perhaps going to meetings and folk undermining everything I have done rankles. I know that I am also anticipating the judgement because I am perhaps judgemental of others myself.
I mustn't be a drama queen though because I know that I am still in a pretty privileged position compared to where I was years ago. I remember rattling and being full of fear and feeling like something that had crawled out from under a stone. I know that it what it is like for people coming around in grips of physical addiction and I am lucky not to be in that place anymore. I am struggling but it is not that struggle. I could drink myself to death in a terribly middle-class way in which nobody would ever even know it was a problem. I mean middle-class, middle-aged people drink right? Dinner parties, theatre nights, dog walks culminating in some country pub, unwinding from work, lunch dates etc, etc, etc. In my world it is just normal, only I know the internal struggle.
Anyway, thank you for letting me in. Look forward to getting to know you all better.
Ex-heroin and crack addict - around 16yrs clean. Cleaned up on my own, no programme, stayed a very much social drinker - high days and holidays. Did very well for years, hit menopause, some rough stuff happened in the family and suddenly not so well. Not so much sudden as a gradual creep.
My relationship with alcohol has changed over the last couple of years. My husband, who has never had drug or alcohol problem, doesn't think I have a problem because I can go months without touching a drink, I don't drink every night, I don't drink until oblivion, don't drink my way through our extensive wine cellar etc. But because of my past history, I know when my relationship with a drug (in this case alcohol) has changed.
Drinking/not drinking has become a constant battle, stopping drinking once I start is a monumental effort (even though I am pretty good at that it is still an effort) and when I drink it is because I want to de-stress/to forget/not think. I know that my relationship with alcohol has changed.
Because I cleaned up from drugs on my own after almost 25yrs active addiction and have managed an extremely successful life on my own for years now it is really hard to ask for help. I am very proud of what I have achieved and the thought of perhaps going to meetings and folk undermining everything I have done rankles. I know that I am also anticipating the judgement because I am perhaps judgemental of others myself.
I mustn't be a drama queen though because I know that I am still in a pretty privileged position compared to where I was years ago. I remember rattling and being full of fear and feeling like something that had crawled out from under a stone. I know that it what it is like for people coming around in grips of physical addiction and I am lucky not to be in that place anymore. I am struggling but it is not that struggle. I could drink myself to death in a terribly middle-class way in which nobody would ever even know it was a problem. I mean middle-class, middle-aged people drink right? Dinner parties, theatre nights, dog walks culminating in some country pub, unwinding from work, lunch dates etc, etc, etc. In my world it is just normal, only I know the internal struggle.
Anyway, thank you for letting me in. Look forward to getting to know you all better.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
Welcome Lucinda! It's great to have you join us.
Congratulations on your 16 yrs. clean from heroin & crack.
It isn't how often we drink, but what happens to us when we do. I could go for a long time without it - but once it was in my system I never knew what might happen. In the end, it was dangerous for me to take the chance. So many bad things happened over the years, I decided the only way to stay safe was to stop all together. You're wise to acknowledge that your relationship with alcohol has changed. I hope talking things over will help.
Congratulations on your 16 yrs. clean from heroin & crack.
It isn't how often we drink, but what happens to us when we do. I could go for a long time without it - but once it was in my system I never knew what might happen. In the end, it was dangerous for me to take the chance. So many bad things happened over the years, I decided the only way to stay safe was to stop all together. You're wise to acknowledge that your relationship with alcohol has changed. I hope talking things over will help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello, Lucinda. And welcome. I'm glad you posted and to have you here.
Congratulations on beating your drug addiction.
You'll find all sorts of different kinds of drinkers here, so I hope someone can relate.
I was an every day falling down drunk who had lost all control of drinking (and myself).
I hope you find some help here and stick around.
Best to you.
Congratulations on beating your drug addiction.
You'll find all sorts of different kinds of drinkers here, so I hope someone can relate.
I was an every day falling down drunk who had lost all control of drinking (and myself).
I hope you find some help here and stick around.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 176
Hi, Lucinda! It is good that you can recognize the problem. I, too, am an ex addict. I was addicted to meth and used daily for 12 years. I quit over 6 1/2 years ago qnd changed my life. I never gave up alcohol and never intended too. At some point, it changed for me, too. I am not a daily drinker either...and can quit fairly easy after a hangover but i have alot of trouble staying quit. When i do drink i always drink way too much. Once I start, i just cant seem to stop. I started noticing something had changed about 4 years ago, i think. And for the last couple of years or so i started trying to quit...only recently i have been putting any effort in it though. This is a great site with lots of supportive people and lots of good advice. Its nice to meet you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Welcome, Lucinda,
It's good that you recognize you have a problem before it becomes unmanageable. Since you are concerned, do you think you are ready to stop drinking? If so, you will find lots of support here. I am not an AA person, but I'm not sure that people at meetings would undermine what you have accomplished. And, as you know there are many paths to sobriety.
I'm glad you found us.
It's good that you recognize you have a problem before it becomes unmanageable. Since you are concerned, do you think you are ready to stop drinking? If so, you will find lots of support here. I am not an AA person, but I'm not sure that people at meetings would undermine what you have accomplished. And, as you know there are many paths to sobriety.
I'm glad you found us.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi and welcome Lucinda
You;re not alone in overcoming one addiction and then falling prey to another. I did it first with pot and then later with alcohol.
I doubt you'll find people undermining your past success here. We're open to a variety of approaches,
D
You;re not alone in overcoming one addiction and then falling prey to another. I did it first with pot and then later with alcohol.
I doubt you'll find people undermining your past success here. We're open to a variety of approaches,
D
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
Hey Lucinda, welcome. A lot of us can relate to the feeling of losing control, I think. It's a sneaky addiction and the social acceptability of it doesn't make it any easier to kick. That you recognize it before it wrecks your life (and it will if you're an alcoholic) is a huge blessing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,905
Welcome. You seem to have a really good understanding of where you are, and that is pretty impressive. I hope you will stick around. I was similar to you in that no one thought I had an issue ... but it felt like an issue to me. The preoccupation and for me planning (daily drinker) just took too much mental energy and thanks to this place I hit a year and a half today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,278
Welcome Lucinda. I hope you will find this place as helpful as I have.
I too was someone who no one would have thought had a drinking problem - until they did. My family "found out". And the sad thing is, I knew , months and months before then that I had to do something. I knew I had a problem. But kept postponing .
So wonderful that you are making this decision now and not later. You will be amazed at the " I knowwww's..." and "me toooo's..." you'll get here. I am not an AA member, and managed to stay sober now for 10 months with only SR as help.
Just stay connected - you can do this. You don't have to go it alone.
I too was someone who no one would have thought had a drinking problem - until they did. My family "found out". And the sad thing is, I knew , months and months before then that I had to do something. I knew I had a problem. But kept postponing .
So wonderful that you are making this decision now and not later. You will be amazed at the " I knowwww's..." and "me toooo's..." you'll get here. I am not an AA member, and managed to stay sober now for 10 months with only SR as help.
Just stay connected - you can do this. You don't have to go it alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,067
Hi Lucinda2,
In reading your story it seems to me that you understand the danger of addictive behavior before it becomes obvious to others. That's the blessing of being a recovered addict. Welcome to the team.
In reading your story it seems to me that you understand the danger of addictive behavior before it becomes obvious to others. That's the blessing of being a recovered addict. Welcome to the team.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Welcome Lucinda! Alcohol may be a bit more difficult as "society" with the help of advertising considers it a fairly innocuous substance. This however is not the reality. The reality is that it can cause damage except for those that drink within the limits or bounds of what is considered "moderate" drinking.
For some of us, either from birth or developing with time, alcohol affects us differently and we have a "craving" for it as it begins to leave our system. It is this "craving" that separates us from those that can drink normally.
You no doubt understand that abstinence is the most effective way to deal with Heroin and Crack Cocaine. It is really no different at all with Alcohol. The effects of alcohol can be at least as devastating to those of us that experience this phenomena of craving. I have found that this just gets worse over time when I have added alcohol, but seems to progress and is just waiting till I drink again, even during long periods of sobriety. I think other's experiences show this to be true also.
There is no shame in reaching out. I found that with a select group, the more open I became, the more freeing it was and the better I was able to grasp and resolve issues at hand, especially this one. Glad you piped in. I am not in the lower end of "craving" as mine would be pretty advanced. From what I have seen though, the "trying moderation" thing for most that have crossed the line at the very least more trouble than it is worth. Abstinence is just easier.
For some of us, either from birth or developing with time, alcohol affects us differently and we have a "craving" for it as it begins to leave our system. It is this "craving" that separates us from those that can drink normally.
You no doubt understand that abstinence is the most effective way to deal with Heroin and Crack Cocaine. It is really no different at all with Alcohol. The effects of alcohol can be at least as devastating to those of us that experience this phenomena of craving. I have found that this just gets worse over time when I have added alcohol, but seems to progress and is just waiting till I drink again, even during long periods of sobriety. I think other's experiences show this to be true also.
There is no shame in reaching out. I found that with a select group, the more open I became, the more freeing it was and the better I was able to grasp and resolve issues at hand, especially this one. Glad you piped in. I am not in the lower end of "craving" as mine would be pretty advanced. From what I have seen though, the "trying moderation" thing for most that have crossed the line at the very least more trouble than it is worth. Abstinence is just easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Originally Posted by FreshStartOk 
Not easy I'd imagine when people close to you deny you're fairly obvious problem and struggle.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Welcome Lucinda! It's great to have you join us.
Congratulations on your 16 yrs. clean from heroin & crack.
It isn't how often we drink, but what happens to us when we do. I could go for a long time without it - but once it was in my system I never knew what might happen. In the end, it was dangerous for me to take the chance. So many bad things happened over the years, I decided the only way to stay safe was to stop all together. You're wise to acknowledge that your relationship with alcohol has changed. I hope talking things over will help.
Congratulations on your 16 yrs. clean from heroin & crack.
It isn't how often we drink, but what happens to us when we do. I could go for a long time without it - but once it was in my system I never knew what might happen. In the end, it was dangerous for me to take the chance. So many bad things happened over the years, I decided the only way to stay safe was to stop all together. You're wise to acknowledge that your relationship with alcohol has changed. I hope talking things over will help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Originally Posted by AAPJ
Hi Lucinda2,
In reading your story it seems to me that you understand the danger of addictive behavior before it becomes obvious to others. That's the blessing of being a recovered addict. Welcome to the team.
In reading your story it seems to me that you understand the danger of addictive behavior before it becomes obvious to others. That's the blessing of being a recovered addict. Welcome to the team.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Originally Posted by Callas
Drinking yourself to death in a very middle class way That is rather funny. Well, you have done the hard yards before, no doubt if you want to you can again.
That is rather funny. Well, you have done the hard yards before, no doubt if you want to you can again.
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