Clarity51

Hi, everyone. I had 97 days and then drank. I am sad that I had came so far in my sobriety and am having to start over. ☹ I just wondered if I would be able to have 3 or 4 beers and then stop. I thought to myself that maybe I'm not really an alcoholic...maybe I'm just a problem drinker who can reel it in. I know this sounds so cliche, but i just wanted it to be true. I wanted to drink again. It is not true. I drank alot of beers on saturday and then woke up at 3 am filled with dread, anxiety and sick...so I drank more beers all day Sunday. Exactly what i always did even though i had 3 months sober. It hadn't changed one bit. I woke up at 3 am last night feeling the same way but could not drink as i had to go to work today. I dragged myself to work and have been doing my best to get through the day. For those of you who read my post 3 months ago, you know that i had almost lost my job. I was given another chance. I went to outpatient and AA meetings and im working with a sponsor...but still i decidee i wanted to try to drink. I dont know how i will deal with it if a co worker asks me "how many days sober do you have now?" Which they ask from time to time because they have been supportive and proud of me. I dont want to be a liar, but i also dont want to lose my job. Anyway, I was torturing myself with guilt and shame this morning but now I am trying to accept that I made a terrible choice and now i know that I cannot drink like normal people...even after ive been sober awhile. And im not missing anything at all. It wasnt fun. It was completely dysfunctional. I cant wait to be back in swing with sobriety! Its so much better! So, July 1st...day one, again. Sad day.

ReadyAtLast

Hi sorry to read you picked up but great you're back. You had 3 months and still have the lessons learned. You know you can do it again just need to do something else too.

As for co workers no need to lie or tell the truth either. Maybe
' I've stopped counting days just focusing on my new life '.
It's private business not something for all to gawp over.

KTB5000

Thank you for sharing Katlyne...

Please don't beat yourself up any longer. You did a great thing by quitting today and recognizing that you DO want to live your life alcohol-free....

...Its up to you what to say - at the end of the day; just don't overthink or stress over your co-workers at the moment.....Focus your energies more on practicing self-care and being gentle with yourself....

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”
– Leo F. Buscaglia

sugarbear1

Are you ready to stop fighting the fact that you can't drink safely?

Surrender. Admit defeat. You will gain your power if you truly embrace this fact.

Make it part of you. Embrace it. Own it. Keep that stuff out of your body no matter what your brain tries to say to you. My brain likes to sabotage me. It took me 25 years of trying to stop to finally stay stopped, for today......

We got this!!! You got this!!!

Clarity51

thank you, readyatlast! Ive called my sponsor and told her. She suggested we get together more often. She also wants me to write about this incident. And thats a great suggestion about not counting days! I never thought i could go 3 months without drinking...now i know i can! Life's problems are still here but it's so much better!

Clarity51

Thank you so much, KTB, for your encouraging words!! You are so right! I going to forgive myself and learn from this. I have done good for 3 months...and I learned alot about how to stay sober. Now i know that I absolutely can NEVER drink again. I've also learned that i actually like sobriety so much better!

Hevyn

I did the same thing, Katlyne. I had 3 yrs. of sobriety once. Not sure what I was thinking when I was out with friends & decided to have one glass of wine. (Of course it was the whole bottle.) It led to drinking the next day - and the next. Off I went for years. You learned something & got back on track - be thankful.

Clarity51

Yes, sugarbear! I surrender...again! I am powerless over alcohol. You are so right! Im going to embrace that fact! We can do this! Sobriety is possible for me...I know that now! ❤

least

My last relapse happened when I had six months sober. I was so disappointed in myself and vowed to never drink again. I made it happen and now have over 9 yrs sober. You can do this!

Clarity51

Thank you, Hevyn!! For sharing that with me! I was an absolute mess this morning but now I am coming around to realize that beating myself up isn't helpful to me in anyway. I messed up...but I am getting right back up. I decided that, even if some bad consequences come from this, I will face them and i will do it sober...this is the most important thing...staying sober. Im so glad you found sobriety again, too!

Clarity51

Thank you, least! That is very encouraging for me to hear! I appreciate everyone's support. You guys are so awesome!

NerfThis

We learn from our mistakes and it's pretty clear you know what yours was. The same mistake MANY of us here have made. The relative ease of complete abstinence tricks us into thinking we are suddenly magically capable of moderating with ease, but moderation is a LOT harder/impossible. Also, the fact that we ever have to actively try to moderate (which normal people don't have to do) is a good sign we shouldn't drink.

Anna

Katlyne, it sounds like you've learned a valuable lesson. You had 97 days of sobriety and you can do it again and beyond. I'm glad you're back here and posting and ready to do this.

Clarity51

Thank you, Nerfthis. That is so true! I wont be believing that lie from myself anymore!

Clarity51

Thank you so much, Anna!

Dee74

Hi Katlyne

I'm glad you made it back

D

Clarity51

Thank you so much, Dee!

Dee74

As for the work thing, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with my days sober being a topic of office talk.

I hope no one brings it up.

D