21 days thankful but terrified
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 156
21 days thankful but terrified
I am so very grateful to have made it 3 weeks. It was a really rough weekend. I was so close to throwing it all away. My desire to drink was so strong. I am so aware that I have been here before, and even stayed sober for over 2 months. It has taken me a year and a half of daily drinking to stop again. That scares me so bad. I am so afraid I will fall. I almost did this weekend. I need help with this. I haven’t been to a meeting yet. Which probably sounds stupid to everyone. I’m scared to show my face, to let people ‘see me’ and know that I struggle with this.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
it does sound like you could benefit from a meeting. I would understand not wanting folks to see you struggling if it were not an AA meeting. They are all in the same boat and love to see a new face. It might be just the thing you need. Its just a bunch of partyers who are trying not to drink.
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 156
Thanks Abraham. There is a meeting in 3 hours I’m going to go. I’m crying thinking about it but I know I need more help. Thank you for the encouragement. I guess your right. I don’t know why I’m thinking I’m walking into a room full of people that are goi g to judge me. That was really stupid. I attribute that to what everyone calls the AV which I think means alcoholic voice. I like what you said, I fit right in with a room full of party people. That is not scary
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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24Violets- great job on 2 wks and your feelings sounds like normal stuff we relate to indeed! I'm glad you are going to the meeting. I had to realize that people are most often there for themselves (and plenty, to just be present for others) and not paying attention to me 
One step and decision and day at a time. Glad you are here.
One step and decision and day at a time. Glad you are here.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
Hi Violets
The insanity of the cravings does fade. I know in the moment it feels so real but a lot of us here have experienced the awful discomfort of cravings and made it through without drinking. I just got up and started moving. Get in the car and drive. In my early sobriety I came so close a few times to throwing it all away as well.
I am here to tell you it does get easier. I am over a year sober and although I spend time on this site alcohol is a fading memory for me. The cravings are non existent now.
There is life after addiction and it is so worth living.
The insanity of the cravings does fade. I know in the moment it feels so real but a lot of us here have experienced the awful discomfort of cravings and made it through without drinking. I just got up and started moving. Get in the car and drive. In my early sobriety I came so close a few times to throwing it all away as well.
I am here to tell you it does get easier. I am over a year sober and although I spend time on this site alcohol is a fading memory for me. The cravings are non existent now.
There is life after addiction and it is so worth living.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Congrats on 3 weeks. I’m glad that you made it through the weekend sober.
What happened that you came close? Is there something you can add to your recovery plan for the next time you are in that situation? Perhaps attending a meeting would be a great tool for you to add?
Stay strong and stay close to SR today.
What happened that you came close? Is there something you can add to your recovery plan for the next time you are in that situation? Perhaps attending a meeting would be a great tool for you to add?
Stay strong and stay close to SR today.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Good job on not drinking. Ya never regret not drinking the next morning, huh?
The way you are feeling is normal. But try to see it as thinking that is part of your addiction. It is trying to separate you from the herd by making you feel ashamed and embarrassed. That is total crapola....tell you addiction to **** off.
Go that meeting. Know that most people in there have been right where you are. It does not matter what others think anyway. Remember, you are being of service when you are brave and hold your head high and say 'yep, I relapsed but I'm back'. That is inspiring to all. And you have 3 weeks! That is huge.
By coming here, you have helped me. Your honesty reminds me to never ever forget that a drink is never far away.
You are no less than, no more than anyone else. And neither am I. Hold your head high. Don't let your addiction make you believe a bunch of bs about yourself. You're doing it!
The way you are feeling is normal. But try to see it as thinking that is part of your addiction. It is trying to separate you from the herd by making you feel ashamed and embarrassed. That is total crapola....tell you addiction to **** off.
Go that meeting. Know that most people in there have been right where you are. It does not matter what others think anyway. Remember, you are being of service when you are brave and hold your head high and say 'yep, I relapsed but I'm back'. That is inspiring to all. And you have 3 weeks! That is huge.
By coming here, you have helped me. Your honesty reminds me to never ever forget that a drink is never far away.
You are no less than, no more than anyone else. And neither am I. Hold your head high. Don't let your addiction make you believe a bunch of bs about yourself. You're doing it!
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 156
Originally Posted by August252015 
24Violets- great job on 2 wks and your feelings sounds like normal stuff we relate to indeed! I'm glad you are going to the meeting. I had to realize that people are most often there for themselves (and plenty, to just be present for others) and not paying attention to me
One step and decision and day at a time. Glad you are here.
One step and decision and day at a time. Glad you are here.
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 156
Gettingcloser it helps to hear your cravings have lessened. I have felt shakey, like I am jumping out of my skin, with a very bad headache all day. This is how I felt over the weekend when I really wanted to drink. I want to get where you are so badly
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Join Date: Nov 2017
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Atlast9999 I struggled with all the triggers I am surrounded by. The weekend, the smell of wine on husbands breath, watching him have a beer after we worked hard in the yard. I had a bad headache that ibuprofen won’t work on, and pain has always been a trigger. New tools to fight this: I stopped and got some books at the library about addiction, went to a meeting, learned there finding hobbies that bring me joy will help
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Entropy1964 and Callas thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement. I held my head up and marched in that meeting. I have been through so much **** in my life. I am trying to be proud of my battle scars instead of feeling ashamed. Because I am still STANDING
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,152
I've seen so many people over the years in and out and in and out of AA. I never saw anyone come back and get chastised, insulted, or looked upon unfavorably. If AA works for you, go back. Go tonight. You will be welcomed and people will be happy to see you.
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