6 months sober (UK)
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,937
6 months sober (UK)
Hello all, I used to drink the equivalent of a bottle of wine a night. That might sound nice and sophisticated to some, but that’s a deadly amount for reasons of hugely increased cancer and liver disease risks. The research is out there. That big C risk goes up by around 1000% for heavy drinkers.
More worryingly, I was alcohol dependent. If I had a day off, I’d miss the booze. Anyone who feels that way has a big problem.
I tried moderating. People ask me for advice on quitting and then ask how to moderate. It’s never going to happen and is just about the most miserable experience possible.
So, I quit on 1 January, The first couple of weeks were grim with long periods of boredom, fidgeting and zero sleep. All these months later, I have to say the urge to drink is zero. No hangovers, no feeling rough the next day, etc. It’s great.
An alcohol dependent/alcoholic/problem drinker has two options:
a) give up 100% for life
b) continue to be a heavy drinker
There’s no option c to moderate. It took me long enough to realise it and what a heartbreaker it is, like splitting with a long-term partner. Stop making excuses, get whatever help you need, tell your family, friends and GP you want to quit. Once you tell people and realise option (a), it’s a huge weight off, and quitting becomes easy.
Good luck all 🙂
More worryingly, I was alcohol dependent. If I had a day off, I’d miss the booze. Anyone who feels that way has a big problem.
I tried moderating. People ask me for advice on quitting and then ask how to moderate. It’s never going to happen and is just about the most miserable experience possible.
So, I quit on 1 January, The first couple of weeks were grim with long periods of boredom, fidgeting and zero sleep. All these months later, I have to say the urge to drink is zero. No hangovers, no feeling rough the next day, etc. It’s great.
An alcohol dependent/alcoholic/problem drinker has two options:
a) give up 100% for life
b) continue to be a heavy drinker
There’s no option c to moderate. It took me long enough to realise it and what a heartbreaker it is, like splitting with a long-term partner. Stop making excuses, get whatever help you need, tell your family, friends and GP you want to quit. Once you tell people and realise option (a), it’s a huge weight off, and quitting becomes easy.
Good luck all 🙂
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 172
Congratualtions!
Thank you for the post, it's positive, clear and realistic. I'm at the early stages right now and at times bored but it's nice to wake up feeling fresher. So at the moment it feels like the right choice. I've made it to four months before and so know I can do it but for now I'm taking it day by day.
Thanks and have a great weekend!
Thank you for the post, it's positive, clear and realistic. I'm at the early stages right now and at times bored but it's nice to wake up feeling fresher. So at the moment it feels like the right choice. I've made it to four months before and so know I can do it but for now I'm taking it day by day.
Thanks and have a great weekend!
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,937
Thanks Santi, you’re doing well.
Yes, it really is a painstaking day by day approach at first, and I truly sympathise with anyone going through early stages.
I’ll sound a bit harsh and rude here, but as someone who’s now quit*, I’m 100% well meaning. It’s weak to give in and have “just the one” to settle nerves, help with sleep or insert any excuse here. That urge will pass. Keep on ignoring that urge and it’ll go away.
* Whilst I have quit, I’m not complacent. Anyone can relapse. I’ve learned that from helpful posts on here. The correct term should be in remission from alcoholism.
Take it easy all. Those urges will go away if you don’t feed them.
Yes, it really is a painstaking day by day approach at first, and I truly sympathise with anyone going through early stages.
I’ll sound a bit harsh and rude here, but as someone who’s now quit*, I’m 100% well meaning. It’s weak to give in and have “just the one” to settle nerves, help with sleep or insert any excuse here. That urge will pass. Keep on ignoring that urge and it’ll go away.
* Whilst I have quit, I’m not complacent. Anyone can relapse. I’ve learned that from helpful posts on here. The correct term should be in remission from alcoholism.
Take it easy all. Those urges will go away if you don’t feed them.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by Hodd 
Thanks Santi, you’re doing well.
Yes, it really is a painstaking day by day approach at first, and I truly sympathise with anyone going through early stages.
I’ll sound a bit harsh and rude here, but as someone who’s now quit*, I’m 100% well meaning. It’s weak to give in and have “just the one” to settle nerves, help with sleep or insert any excuse here. That urge will pass. Keep on ignoring that urge and it’ll go away.
* Whilst I have quit, I’m not complacent. Anyone can relapse. I’ve learned that from helpful posts on here. The correct term should be in remission from alcoholism.
Take it easy all. Those urges will go away if you don’t feed them.
Yes, it really is a painstaking day by day approach at first, and I truly sympathise with anyone going through early stages.
I’ll sound a bit harsh and rude here, but as someone who’s now quit*, I’m 100% well meaning. It’s weak to give in and have “just the one” to settle nerves, help with sleep or insert any excuse here. That urge will pass. Keep on ignoring that urge and it’ll go away.
* Whilst I have quit, I’m not complacent. Anyone can relapse. I’ve learned that from helpful posts on here. The correct term should be in remission from alcoholism.
Take it easy all. Those urges will go away if you don’t feed them.
Right, back to the housework before we hit 40ºc!
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I’m about to hit the gym - no outdoor stuff today 😀
You need to be harsh on yourself and even a little selfish. Giving up is damn tough and having to say no to family and friends during those early days is a small price to pay.
A poster on another forum was asking me for advice. I’m not in any way qualified to help except to recount my experiences and be supportive. Despite my insistence, he tried to moderate, and I felt his pain at always having two bottles of beer to last until the end of the week. He was trying, but alcohol clearly had him by the balls. He obviously started drinking heavily again, which upset me a lot, but I’ll keep nagging him.
You need to be harsh on yourself and even a little selfish. Giving up is damn tough and having to say no to family and friends during those early days is a small price to pay.
A poster on another forum was asking me for advice. I’m not in any way qualified to help except to recount my experiences and be supportive. Despite my insistence, he tried to moderate, and I felt his pain at always having two bottles of beer to last until the end of the week. He was trying, but alcohol clearly had him by the balls. He obviously started drinking heavily again, which upset me a lot, but I’ll keep nagging him.
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6 months is great- and our insights truly grow as we go much further along.
Curious what your recovery plan is? Your emotions and results are positive. What are you doing to create the foundation for those?
That is helpful for everyone to consider- and hear about as others get sober.
Keep going!
Curious what your recovery plan is? Your emotions and results are positive. What are you doing to create the foundation for those?
That is helpful for everyone to consider- and hear about as others get sober.
Keep going!
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Madrid, Spain.
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by Hodd
I’m about to hit the gym - no outdoor stuff today 😀
You need to be harsh on yourself and even a little selfish. Giving up is damn tough and having to say no to family and friends during those early days is a small price to pay.
A poster on another forum was asking me for advice. I’m not in any way qualified to help except to recount my experiences and be supportive. Despite my insistence, he tried to moderate, and I felt his pain at always having two bottles of beer to last until the end of the week. He was trying, but alcohol clearly had him by the balls. He obviously started drinking heavily again, which upset me a lot, but I’ll keep nagging him.
You need to be harsh on yourself and even a little selfish. Giving up is damn tough and having to say no to family and friends during those early days is a small price to pay.
A poster on another forum was asking me for advice. I’m not in any way qualified to help except to recount my experiences and be supportive. Despite my insistence, he tried to moderate, and I felt his pain at always having two bottles of beer to last until the end of the week. He was trying, but alcohol clearly had him by the balls. He obviously started drinking heavily again, which upset me a lot, but I’ll keep nagging him.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Congratulations. You've nailed the part about giving up on moderation. This is a step which every alcoholic has to take at some point. It's not an easy step either. Moderation is one of those things that can look logical on paper:
I drink too much.
If I moderate, I would drink less.
No one can argue with the logic in this half finished poorly constructed syllogism. So it's natural to waste months and years trying to make it work. What alcoholic wouldn't? Many alcoholics who are serious about quitting will fail until they quit trying to force such a reasonable sounding, but flawed concept into a reality.
I drink too much.
If I moderate, I would drink less.
No one can argue with the logic in this half finished poorly constructed syllogism. So it's natural to waste months and years trying to make it work. What alcoholic wouldn't? Many alcoholics who are serious about quitting will fail until they quit trying to force such a reasonable sounding, but flawed concept into a reality.
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Originally Posted by August252015
Curious what your recovery plan is? Your emotions and results are positive. What are you doing to create the foundation for those?!
The above are things I wasn’t doing when I drank. have to say, though, groups or AA aren’t me. Bear in mind everyone’s different. If I relapse, I’ll consider such options, but until then I’ll carry on.
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Originally Posted by DriGuy
Congratulations. You've nailed the part about giving up on moderation..
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Originally Posted by Santi27
People who CAN moderate AREN'T alcoholics. It's a simple as that.
”All the best with your recovery.”
Recovery? Me? Yes, me. I was an alcoholic 😟
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Originally Posted by Hodd
We failed so many times before the lightbulb moment, and it’s upsetting to watch others do so.
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Originally Posted by Hodd
This is where I struggle to answer. I told my friends, wife and GP I quit. I was always into fitness and have put more effort into that. I also wake up way earlier and hence sleep earlier. I have asked addiction agencies if I can be a counsellor. I’ll have to be sober for two years to be considered.
The above are things I wasn’t doing when I drank. have to say, though, groups or AA aren’t me. Bear in mind everyone’s different. If I relapse, I’ll consider such options, but until then I’ll carry on.
Good health habits, sleep - and an interest in others - all awesome. I'd gently throw in, though, that getting ahead of ourselves in terms of giving energy to others can be bad for us. Example, I do love dogs and I remember saying to my Godmother I wanted to get into volunteering at the Humane Society near me. She gently observed that I had a whole lot on my plate (I was maybe 4 mo sober) between my program, work, and so on, and maybe that could wait. Wise advice based on how I learned when, where and on what to expend my energy!
But I'd be remiss (and inconsistent with what I always, always share) - two major things jumped out at me:
"If I relapse, then I will consider it." We just don't get infinite chances to get sober, and this is such an important perspective to change - there doesn't have to be a relapse and that leads me to....
A program of recovery specific action is critical. Read the stories on here and there is a consistent success factor we share: we. take.action. It can be "just SR" as Dee can tell you about - Mindful Man and lessgravity who share what I'd admiringly call their very thoughtful, focused and secular (if you will) approaches compared with folks like me who work AA and a spiritual program....
The "I'm not sure" answer is so common- and so dangerous for an alcoholic mind like mine. Ruling things out - especially if maybe you haven't tried them (not sure whether you comment on group/AA experience from yours or not?) or don't understand what they are about or.....
Acceptance I couldn't drink and stay alive and certainly not well, choosing a lot of components to be sober and building from my program foundation, and using others' help - that last one being as important as the first - is what has given me the perfectly imperfect life I have in recovery.
Glad you are here- hope you choose to add foundation to the good things you've put on top of where it needs to be.
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