Withdrawal from Hell
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Withdrawal from Hell
I am NEVER drinking again...I mean that...I know that I am not supposed to say that..and one day at a time...etc.
But I am so...so lucky to be alive and I don't think I will forget my last "detox".
In the past I have forgotten...This ONE I am not forgetting...I could not even type on the computer until today (Day 3)...and I still feel like literal "death".
I DID call my Dr and obviously because I am already prescribed benzos' daily they did not want to issue anymore and because I was suffering so gravely she suggested I go to the hospital.
NO...for a number of reasons...In our hospitals they treat alcoholics like garbage...leave you alone for hours...
But the MAIN reason was with my Medical I have to pay 365 for the first 5 days...and I don't have that kind of money.
So my son got me my go to recovery package that hasn't worked so well this time...but is slowly working...
He got me 3 Advanced Care Pedilytes...Watermelon...I have Vitamins D, B Complex, Magnseium, Folic Acid...a case of water...One bananaa I could barely choke down on Day 2....Some Ensure...which i just drank my first one on Day 3....
My Dad does not understand this whole withdrawal thing and doesn't understand that the 2-3 symptoms are "peak" and the worst...so I told him the earliest I see myself stopping by there is on Saturday...and then we have church Sunday.
I WILL get there...because I did this before on Day 4 I went to my sister funeral and I was in almost this bad of shape...but I'm in pretty bad shape this time.
I'm not going to forget this....this is true hell.
Glad to see that some of you that were starting when I started back at the start of June are still here and going strong....don't look back it is NOT WORTH IT.
AND it is POSSIBLE to die...either drinking or detoxing...I've been very close in both scenerios in the last week
But I am so...so lucky to be alive and I don't think I will forget my last "detox".
In the past I have forgotten...This ONE I am not forgetting...I could not even type on the computer until today (Day 3)...and I still feel like literal "death".
I DID call my Dr and obviously because I am already prescribed benzos' daily they did not want to issue anymore and because I was suffering so gravely she suggested I go to the hospital.
NO...for a number of reasons...In our hospitals they treat alcoholics like garbage...leave you alone for hours...
But the MAIN reason was with my Medical I have to pay 365 for the first 5 days...and I don't have that kind of money.
So my son got me my go to recovery package that hasn't worked so well this time...but is slowly working...
He got me 3 Advanced Care Pedilytes...Watermelon...I have Vitamins D, B Complex, Magnseium, Folic Acid...a case of water...One bananaa I could barely choke down on Day 2....Some Ensure...which i just drank my first one on Day 3....
My Dad does not understand this whole withdrawal thing and doesn't understand that the 2-3 symptoms are "peak" and the worst...so I told him the earliest I see myself stopping by there is on Saturday...and then we have church Sunday.
I WILL get there...because I did this before on Day 4 I went to my sister funeral and I was in almost this bad of shape...but I'm in pretty bad shape this time.
I'm not going to forget this....this is true hell.
Glad to see that some of you that were starting when I started back at the start of June are still here and going strong....don't look back it is NOT WORTH IT.
AND it is POSSIBLE to die...either drinking or detoxing...I've been very close in both scenerios in the last week
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
Hi Missy
The extreme ugliness of my withdrawals were what actually pushed me towards quitting for the final time. They got so bad that I knew sooner then later I wasn't going to have the strength and nerve to go through them again.
Journal the experience and look back when the AV comes calling.
The extreme ugliness of my withdrawals were what actually pushed me towards quitting for the final time. They got so bad that I knew sooner then later I wasn't going to have the strength and nerve to go through them again.
Journal the experience and look back when the AV comes calling.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Misssy2 
I'm not going to forget this....this is true hell.
(
It was August, 2010, in the midst of post-drinking, feeling-like-death suffering when I made a vow to quick drinking. I was never going to feel like this again.
Two weeks later I drank.
But except for that relapse, I haven't drank since. The difference? For me, I couldn't rely on the memory of my suffering to carry me through a lifetime of sobriety. I had to learn how to live without alcohol. But more importantly, I had to learn to love the sober life, to embrace the gifts of sobriety rather than cling to the fear of drinking.
But that was me. Whatever works for you, work it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Carl is absolutely right.
The first time I tried to quit drinking I went to a six week rehab center out in the beautiful countryside. Twice a day, five days a week I had face to face counseling sessions. Every topic that is pertinent to my sobriety today was discussed then: forgiveness, gratitude, self care, goals. I was an active participant in the counseling and work assignments.
After I left rehab I immediately started ordering shots at the airport bar while waiting for my flight. Hey I stayed sober for six weeks and got myself a fancy, shmancy edjumukation. I know how to drink safely now.
Three more years of misery followed along with another failed sobriety attempt. When I finally detoxed for the last time it was pure torture. After coming out alive I knew I had just used up my last chance. To say that I was terrified would be an understatement. "There is no way in hell I'm drinking again after going through that!"
But I knew it was BS. Memories fade. Motivation is fleeting. If another relapse was going to kill me I was going to need to learn how sobriety worked. And I needed to learn QUICK.
So I let fear of relapse and dying guide me in the beginning. Except this time I removed my head from up my ass and reflected on the education I received in rehab. I went through the books which I had kept. I started to attend AA meetings and absorbed all the knowledge I could. I made sobriety the absolute number one priority in life.
Now I don't need to think back on detox with horror to keep me from drinking. I've built a life I love and continue to keep building on it.
The first time I tried to quit drinking I went to a six week rehab center out in the beautiful countryside. Twice a day, five days a week I had face to face counseling sessions. Every topic that is pertinent to my sobriety today was discussed then: forgiveness, gratitude, self care, goals. I was an active participant in the counseling and work assignments.
After I left rehab I immediately started ordering shots at the airport bar while waiting for my flight. Hey I stayed sober for six weeks and got myself a fancy, shmancy edjumukation. I know how to drink safely now.
Three more years of misery followed along with another failed sobriety attempt. When I finally detoxed for the last time it was pure torture. After coming out alive I knew I had just used up my last chance. To say that I was terrified would be an understatement. "There is no way in hell I'm drinking again after going through that!"
But I knew it was BS. Memories fade. Motivation is fleeting. If another relapse was going to kill me I was going to need to learn how sobriety worked. And I needed to learn QUICK.
So I let fear of relapse and dying guide me in the beginning. Except this time I removed my head from up my ass and reflected on the education I received in rehab. I went through the books which I had kept. I started to attend AA meetings and absorbed all the knowledge I could. I made sobriety the absolute number one priority in life.
Now I don't need to think back on detox with horror to keep me from drinking. I've built a life I love and continue to keep building on it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Hi Missy, I’m completing day 1 today because yesterday I had to have a few sips to stop my shakes. It is so common to have problems with alcohol concurrently with anxiety. I have social anxiety and general anxiety. I spent over an hour on the phone to try to get an appointment with a doctor before I gave up. It’s a vicious cycle, drinking to deal with anxiety, drinking causing more anxiety, drink again. I’m in this cycle. I hope this is my last day one. Your brain will rewire eventually to lessen anxiety. Great work, stick with it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
I’m glad you’re back Missy. I found when I started focusing on recovery both physically and mentally and making healthy in the moment choices for both I finally got sobriety. It was much more a lifestyle change than trying not to drink.
I’ve been sober for three and a half years, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. There is nothing that would make me want to start drinking again. Even on life’s hardest days, and I’ve had many it is so much better without alcohol added to make the bad days worse.
Have you given any thought to recovery beyond the initial days and what might work best for you?
I’ve been sober for three and a half years, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. There is nothing that would make me want to start drinking again. Even on life’s hardest days, and I’ve had many it is so much better without alcohol added to make the bad days worse.
Have you given any thought to recovery beyond the initial days and what might work best for you?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 239
MISSY!!! So glad you're back! I've been thinking of you!!!
You know the drill... we've got you. We're here for you... you can do this-- we can do this together!
That being said, I'm sorry that you are feeling so rough. It sounds like you're doing all the right things to help yourself get through the horrible days of withdrawal. Continue taking care of yourself. I'm cheering for you.
You know the drill... we've got you. We're here for you... you can do this-- we can do this together!
That being said, I'm sorry that you are feeling so rough. It sounds like you're doing all the right things to help yourself get through the horrible days of withdrawal. Continue taking care of yourself. I'm cheering for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I'm going preface the following by pointing out that there is a lot of hyperbole in my response. It's just exaggerating to make a point. Exaggerating may be offensive, but the point is still good. I also purposely misdirected my criticism, possibly at the wrong people... or maybe not. I'm not an expert at rehab, I've never been.
I understand this. I get it. But it makes me want to grab my hair and scream, "Don't those people in charge of rehab teach you this? You've been scammed by charlatans who want you to come back for another $10,000 treatment."
I never went to rehab, but I suspect they did mention the importance of not drinking again, but they didn't understand the need to drive the point home, or didn't realize how thick headed alcoholics tend to be about alcoholism.
But after the detox and the cleaning of toxins out of your system, if there was only one thing they should have got through to an alcoholic is that he cannot drink again. But they have to be able to give you something else, because you just dished out ten grand and deserve something for you money. You would feel gypped if all you got was someone telling you you can't drink again.
But oddly, that you can't drink again is exactly what a doctor would tell you after treating you for alcoholic pancreatitis. He wouldn't start preaching twelve steps, and resentments, and mystical higher powers. He would just tell you the most important thing you need to do.
But these fancy schmantzy $10,000 dollar guys have got to do more than mention not drinking again, and while the 12 steps, with or without God, outline valuable ways to improve you life, they aren't the most important part of a permanent solution to alcoholism. Yes, you should meditate, introspect, or do a fearless moral inventory if you prefer to call it that, but for God sakes, a permanent solution by definition means permanently not drinking. Uhagggh! I want to grab someone by the labels and shake them till their teeth rattle.
OK, er, I think I'm in control of myself again. I must have lost it for a minute, but I'm OK now... I think... maybe. Anyway, I feel better now. Have a good day.
Originally Posted by WeThinkNot
After I left rehab I immediately started ordering shots at the airport bar while waiting for my flight. Hey I stayed sober for six weeks and got myself a fancy, shmancy edjumukation. I know how to drink safely now.
I never went to rehab, but I suspect they did mention the importance of not drinking again, but they didn't understand the need to drive the point home, or didn't realize how thick headed alcoholics tend to be about alcoholism.
But after the detox and the cleaning of toxins out of your system, if there was only one thing they should have got through to an alcoholic is that he cannot drink again. But they have to be able to give you something else, because you just dished out ten grand and deserve something for you money. You would feel gypped if all you got was someone telling you you can't drink again.
But oddly, that you can't drink again is exactly what a doctor would tell you after treating you for alcoholic pancreatitis. He wouldn't start preaching twelve steps, and resentments, and mystical higher powers. He would just tell you the most important thing you need to do.
But these fancy schmantzy $10,000 dollar guys have got to do more than mention not drinking again, and while the 12 steps, with or without God, outline valuable ways to improve you life, they aren't the most important part of a permanent solution to alcoholism. Yes, you should meditate, introspect, or do a fearless moral inventory if you prefer to call it that, but for God sakes, a permanent solution by definition means permanently not drinking. Uhagggh! I want to grab someone by the labels and shake them till their teeth rattle.
OK, er, I think I'm in control of myself again. I must have lost it for a minute, but I'm OK now... I think... maybe. Anyway, I feel better now. Have a good day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Oh yeah my last withdrawal was the straw that broke the camel's back all I do is play that tape whenever I have that craving which thank goodness I have no desire to go back to that life I love me now. Hang in there drink some fluids get your rest get your mind right if you do the right thing the rest will follow
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Glad you are back, Missy, and I hope you feel better soon.
Your post brought back memories of one of the worst hangovers/withdrawals I ever had, long long before I had serious problems with drinking. But it still stands out in my mind and is a potent reminder of where I never want to be again. I was 21, didn't understand drinking yet, certainly didn't understand tequila. 2 whole days of pure misery, much of it spent lying on my bathroom floor because the tiles were cool and I needed to be close to the toilet. There were many many horrible hangovers to come in my life, but I vowed during those couple of days to never do that to myself again. That might have lasted a couple of weeks. Don't remember. My point is - like others have said, the aversion therapy may work short-term, but if you are anything like me (and most alcoholics) the memories fade, our addicted brains take over again, and there we are, pounding back drinks like they are going out of style.
To really achieve sobriety long-term, there has to be more than fear and aversion. A Plan, going forward. Learning to live a sober life. Re-wiring your brain so that when the fear fades, there are positive reasons to stay sober. You can do it.
Your post brought back memories of one of the worst hangovers/withdrawals I ever had, long long before I had serious problems with drinking. But it still stands out in my mind and is a potent reminder of where I never want to be again. I was 21, didn't understand drinking yet, certainly didn't understand tequila. 2 whole days of pure misery, much of it spent lying on my bathroom floor because the tiles were cool and I needed to be close to the toilet. There were many many horrible hangovers to come in my life, but I vowed during those couple of days to never do that to myself again. That might have lasted a couple of weeks. Don't remember. My point is - like others have said, the aversion therapy may work short-term, but if you are anything like me (and most alcoholics) the memories fade, our addicted brains take over again, and there we are, pounding back drinks like they are going out of style.
To really achieve sobriety long-term, there has to be more than fear and aversion. A Plan, going forward. Learning to live a sober life. Re-wiring your brain so that when the fear fades, there are positive reasons to stay sober. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I appreciate threads like this for obvious reasons. I also agree with others that being physically ill can straighten us out for a short period of time, we need additional tools and motivation to embrace the sober lifestyle. Hope you are feeling better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Totally agree with Carl too. The fear just isn't enough, I thought it had to be my last relapse but I started considering drinking again last week. Thank god I didn't but addiction is such a powerful thing.
The only thing that works is a solid plan and support from other people - in my humble opinion!
Take good care of yourself xxx
The only thing that works is a solid plan and support from other people - in my humble opinion!
Take good care of yourself xxx
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