Not again
 

I'm so sad and depressed right now. It's like I never learn and just keep messing up over and over. I was doing so well. Going to work, being sober and then bam I go and do something so stupid. Now I feel that everyone hates me at work and the shame/guilt makes me want to run from my problems right back to the booze. I'm not doing it again.
Only 3 months go I had my first panic attack due to my actions. I hope in time I look back and say this was the final straw that broke me free from the chains. Thanks for any help.

Yeah, that's how alcohol keeps us hooked. We behave badly and then feel guilt and shame, and it's easy to turn back to drinking. You can stop this cycle. You can deal with your emotions and the people at work. Its not easy, but you can get through it. :)

I hope you can use the support here to get sober for good. :hug:

No doubt. It's like a rotating door.

You sound just like me so many times :frown:

I the moment after the damage everything seems so obvious and simple, then some time passes and things get a little cloudy, then there we are again picking up the pieces, if we're lucky enough to have any pieces left.

I probably can't tell you anything you don't already know at a very deep level. The one thing that was different for me this time was I spent a couple hours on the drinking question on Day 1, and really talked to God about the issue. Not apologizing, not begging, just talking..."Here I am....I keep doing this...I don't want to keep doing this...No excuses...I just want to be done, and know that I'm done...." I felt like I got more real than I'd ever been before.

That didn't change things 100%. Right now I'm home on my day off from work, alone, with some overtime $ in the bank and some more coming in the next couple weeks....this is not usually a good place for me to be when it comes to controlling my behavior. But I'm gonna mow the lawn, and clean up around the house, and appreciate how when we care for something we have and clean it it's like getting that thing new all over again. Sort of. Anyways, it's free :)

And I'm not going to drink today, and I'm going to wake up sober tomorrow. And I hope you do the same. I know the more I share and interact with you all the more I feel like I got this. And that WE got this. Not 100% sure how this works, but it seems to work anyways.

Peace to you, good luck, and looking forward to seeing you around the threads!

You can do better than hope and actively make this your last relapse :)

why not make a recovery action plan? :dunno:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html
D

I didn't drink yesterday, but I still feel like a dirtbag. I know time will make this better, but I am really am afraid to go to work.

:hug: Hold your head high and have faith in yourself. As Hevyn's signature line says: You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. :hug:

Have hope that it won't be as bad as you think. Let us know how it goes.

It wasn't and I'm happy to say I'm not drinking today either. Tomorrow is Friday night, but I want to stay strong and be free of this.

The judge releases me on remand after the scariest court appearance my drinking has caused me, then, within seconds, bam! I go and do something stupid
I take the fatal first drink and by the end of that day I had been arrested again. How could it happen. Number one I was just face to face in the most compelling way with a good reason not to drink, and two, when I took the drink, I just wanted to relax and had no intention of getting locked up again.
Well, that seems to be the pattern for a chronic alcoholic.

Accept the fact that you can't drink safely, move forward from there!! You got this!

So what's your plan for tomorrow night? How about an AA meeting?

I'm going to focus on how I don't really get anything from drinking and how great I feel the next day.
I think a lot of my issues are due to stress and depression which then leads to drinking which leads to anxiety and the whole circle goes around and around.

I just need to step out of the circle. By removing the one thing that is the constant issue I feel so much better almost right away.

I'm about to go to sleep on another day of not drinking and it's a Friday night. All the while in my complex 3 restaurants are serving booze and there is a store down the corner not even 5 mins away. I'm happy to say, I don't mind it at all. I got a few urges due to some stress at work, but I just made the choice not today. Have a great day everyone.

I hope you are able to attain a life of sobriety as it sounds like your like being sober. Alcohol is everywhere, life's stresses are always present. We need to deal with them in a healthy way. Glad you went to bed sober on a Friday night.

Thanks, I did actually get back up for a while and did go to the store. I grabbed something to eat instead of drinking. Def hand the thought why not have a few tonight? Start all over tomorrow, but I was like that's how it begins.
Zero is the magic number.