Wondering if I can keep this up
 

It's great you know it's nonsense Bonniefloyd.

People drink around us all the time. Some of them can, some of them shouldn't -but I have to keep in focus whats best for me, and that's not to drink at all.

If my lifes not what I want it to be, or I'm feeling a little meh...the answers probably out there somewhere but its not in the bottom of a glass?

D

Hi Bonnie - I went 19 months alcohol feee with no difficulty at all and my husband also drinks most nights. Then one night on 2016 I decided there was no risk of me going back to my old ways so I shared a bottle of wine with two friends in a restaurant. Within a short time I ended up drinking on an almost nightly basis stuck in that endless cycle of remorse, despair, self-loathing. And not actually even enjoying the taste of wine after the first glass. And still I went on drinking. It's taken about two and a half years to get to where I am now which is in the very, very early days of sobriety. Don't do it to yourself. It really, really isn't worth it. All the best.

Hi Bonnie,

I realize our own drinking issues are just that - our own. But at the same time a question comes to mind: What kind of relationship does someone have with alcohol where they have to start drinking at 5 pm "no matter what"? Alcohol use disorder is a spectrum, not a black-and-white, this side of the line = alcoholic, that side = nonalcoholic. You're in an environment with some alcohol-dependent behaviors and staying sober. To me that's like learning to swim while wearing a weighted vest. Sure it can be done, but it's asking an awful lot.

BUT, once you learn to swim with that vest, you're naturally heads and tails better at it than if it were easy. AND, now you're better prepared to help others as a rescue swimmer! :You_Rock_

Not sure if you do AA and/or Al-Anon, but your strength and experience might be helpful to a lot of people in both programs.

Someone also shared with me that there is purpose to our suffering and struggle, and the image came to mind of a blacksmith's hammer striking a heated forged sword every time you hear that beer can crack at 5 pm. You're not just ducking down and hoping not to get drunk. Your circumstances won't allow that kind of passive program. They force you to grow stronger every day. And you've done it for 6 months.

I have a sense that you have something truly beautiful to offer the world from deep, deep down, that goes beyond glancing at the clock every few minutes till that magic "5:00 pm" number comes up, and each day you remain strong and faithful to yourself and your sobriety, a little more will be revealed and your path going forward will be a little clearer. I sure can't claim to know what that is :) But there's just a feeling that that's the case.

Hi Bonnie

Congrats on your 6 months :You_Rock_

I understand as was in a similar position with my first husband. I quit when we were still together and the longer I was sober and he kept drinking the more distant I felt from him.

But it wasn't JUST the drinking. being sober just made me realise how little we had in common (other than drinking and going out together) When I sobered up I just didn't want to live with him anymore.

As you know, I didn't stay sober and picked up again long after I split from him. I'm married to someone else now who also drinks but that doesn't bother me as we have more between us.

I hope this makes some sort of sense :)

I don't think I could live with someone who drank every single day, but that isn't what you're asking/talking about, is it? Are you questioning your own self-care and sobriety or are you questioning how that is going to work long-term with a daily-drinking partner? Complicated stuff, and I agree that maybe some Al Anon meetings could help.

Six months was a tough time for me. I had been cruising along and feeling good about being sober and BAM. Six months and I had a heck of a fight inside myself about drinking again. I've read this over and over on this site at six months.

For me, it was the last serious fight I had with actually playing with the idea of drinking. After that it has become just niggling little thoughts - easily dismissed.

You'll never read a post on this site saying, "I went back to drinking and I'm glad I did!"

Stick with us. :hug:

Bonnie, it looks to me like you have the knowledge base, resources, and determination that you need for a joyful recovery. It's your environment that I worry about. I'm not sure I could have turned the corner if I had a partner that wasn't with me completely with the same goal in mind. So I have to say I'm impressed with your 6 months. You may have a determination I would not have been able to muster. I'm not sure, but what you have done is in my mind, nothing short of spectacular. You've got that strength working in your favor. If you can keep this up forever, I'm going to put you on my list of heroes. Which is a very short list by the way.

But I still have this worry about your ability to keep it up. All I can tell you is that I truly hope you do. Once you do, I think you are going to be home free, and I can relax. I have close friends where the husband is a long in recovery alcoholic who does not drink, but the wife does, although not as often as your husband. As far as I can tell, the husband does not so much as bat an eye when his wife drinks with her friends. I also know him well enough to know that he will never drink again. So these kinds of marriages are possible. A big difference from your situation is that he quit drinking long before they were together, so I think it may just be a matter of getting over this unusually big hump. I wish you the best.

I think we all have these feelings. I know I do.

BonnieFloyd - Great job on 6 months! As you know from our November 2018 class my wife still drinks. It is not every night, probably 4 nights a week, 3 or 4 drinks a night. I know I can't let her drinking affect my sobriety. If I do, it's more likely we both end up drinking than we both end up sober.

Hey Bonnie!
Glad you are feeling a bit better.
Every time 5 p.m. rolls around with its sexy temptations, just remember how much 5 a.m. *sucks* when we drink ;)