Hi! I'm Drunk
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1
Hi! I'm Drunk
Hi guys! My name is Lee, I'm 25 and I'm a ******* weirdo - can I even swear here? I kind of cannot describe any of this without doing so.
It's my first time ever talking to anyone about my alcohol problem. At least I think I have it.
The history of me is basically ******* and /or sad.
My mom died when I was 15. I had my first cigarette literally that day. I smoke till now. (10 years non stop everyday a pack per day)
She was an alcoholic. She died when she was drunk as she was everyday trying to for some reason leave our house through a balcony (8th floor).
Not gonna talk about that too much, still feeling it and hearing a phone call from police.
I write here more to confess rather than getting and advice.
I started drinking kind of right after my mom's death. It's dumb I know - she was an alcoholic an d I should have been kinda thrown away - I dragged her back home to sleep so many times once we found her somewhere lost and half dead in woods with my dad. (he was and is a great man)
I simply started having infinite drinks with friends. Infinite. Whoever wanted to drink I was with them.
After 2-3 years of this more or less normal teenager behaviour I started drinking alone. I remember when it began. I was 17 and asked a homeless guy to buy me beers. He started talking to me as most of these homeless ones do haha - he asked me what am I gonna do after I get it and who is gonna be with me. I mostly tend to lie but I said It's just for me - me alone. He said nice you admit it and enjoy it.
I drank alone for 1 year. It's not that easy to simply leave it the way it is - I drank the whole year by playing video games. Alone, almost non stop. I was finishing school at that time.
I'm a smart guy, good looking... I had a crazy interest in Finances - next 3 years I spend working 19/7 everyday having an ultra ****** salary, unbelievably corrupt company, beyond toxic colleagues and panic.
I started having issues. 24/7 alcohol, sometimes at work and ALWAYS after, little sleep, coffee right after and the **** continues!
Panic attacks appeared no time after.
Seems like something big and so it was I could expand and describe it in some damn dramatic point of view but that's not my point here guys.
I dealt with it. It included me taking an ambulance and my family seeing it (they don't really get it for some ******* reason)
I was told to take meds.
I quit alcohol for 2 years right after the panic attacks. It was the scariest **** of my life. I thought I was gonna die.
I moved out to another country with my girlfriend (we're still together for 5+ years, now a fiancee)
I kept on playing video games as I kind of did my whole life. Drinking.
I wasted so much time on all of these. now it's same **** different day.
Been so many more years after all of this - what I did in meantime was having a great job with great salary and so on ( as I said I'm actually pretty experienced and skilled!), I opened a company, a small one and am running a small home business with my girl. We make a living out of it, not too much, not too little, looking forward to finding additional job again.
I was drinking the last 1 year almost everyday.
I feel good when I do it.
When I was 18 I could drink 15 beers an evening and drink again next day, now I for some reason can take 6 - 8 beers and tomorrow I'm literally ******.
Last 1 year - everyday = I wake up, start working. (at home), eat, finish work. Start drinking beer. Evening comes - eat - drink more. Night comes. I regret everything until next midday.
This **** repeats. for more than 400 days. I kind of like some of this, that's why I never saw any doctors just as I did not because I smoke and I like it. I just have these regrets right after I do something bad such as drinking too much or smoking too much ( I have to write it right away or I will not have any regrets anymore
)
I don't know what to do nor what is my state, I don't tend to talk to people in general about any of this.
I kept on saying the same **** to many people : Oh yeah I might have quit smoking but I have to admit I never really wanted to quit it. And it's true - I never did. Because I like it.
I don't know what to do, my brain tells me I should close all the ******* google chrome tabs and rush to hospital and another side of it says that I'll wake up and think differently and it will all continue again and again....
Is it even normal/legal to admit I'm writing this after 6 beers on Sunday ? it's 4 in the morning and my fiancee is sleeping and I'm being a typical ****** as I mostly am when I drink.
Please let me know a thing or two - do you think I should see a doctor ? Do you think my stuff is deep ?
Thank you so much to anyone who even reads this, I highly appreciate it. I'm not a native English speaker, forgive me.
Thank you so much,
Lee
It's my first time ever talking to anyone about my alcohol problem. At least I think I have it.
The history of me is basically ******* and /or sad.
My mom died when I was 15. I had my first cigarette literally that day. I smoke till now. (10 years non stop everyday a pack per day)
She was an alcoholic. She died when she was drunk as she was everyday trying to for some reason leave our house through a balcony (8th floor).
Not gonna talk about that too much, still feeling it and hearing a phone call from police.
I write here more to confess rather than getting and advice.
I started drinking kind of right after my mom's death. It's dumb I know - she was an alcoholic an d I should have been kinda thrown away - I dragged her back home to sleep so many times once we found her somewhere lost and half dead in woods with my dad. (he was and is a great man)
I simply started having infinite drinks with friends. Infinite. Whoever wanted to drink I was with them.
After 2-3 years of this more or less normal teenager behaviour I started drinking alone. I remember when it began. I was 17 and asked a homeless guy to buy me beers. He started talking to me as most of these homeless ones do haha - he asked me what am I gonna do after I get it and who is gonna be with me. I mostly tend to lie but I said It's just for me - me alone. He said nice you admit it and enjoy it.
I drank alone for 1 year. It's not that easy to simply leave it the way it is - I drank the whole year by playing video games. Alone, almost non stop. I was finishing school at that time.
I'm a smart guy, good looking... I had a crazy interest in Finances - next 3 years I spend working 19/7 everyday having an ultra ****** salary, unbelievably corrupt company, beyond toxic colleagues and panic.
I started having issues. 24/7 alcohol, sometimes at work and ALWAYS after, little sleep, coffee right after and the **** continues!
Panic attacks appeared no time after.
Seems like something big and so it was I could expand and describe it in some damn dramatic point of view but that's not my point here guys.
I dealt with it. It included me taking an ambulance and my family seeing it (they don't really get it for some ******* reason)
I was told to take meds.
I quit alcohol for 2 years right after the panic attacks. It was the scariest **** of my life. I thought I was gonna die.
I moved out to another country with my girlfriend (we're still together for 5+ years, now a fiancee)
I kept on playing video games as I kind of did my whole life. Drinking.
I wasted so much time on all of these. now it's same **** different day.
Been so many more years after all of this - what I did in meantime was having a great job with great salary and so on ( as I said I'm actually pretty experienced and skilled!), I opened a company, a small one and am running a small home business with my girl. We make a living out of it, not too much, not too little, looking forward to finding additional job again.
I was drinking the last 1 year almost everyday.
I feel good when I do it.
When I was 18 I could drink 15 beers an evening and drink again next day, now I for some reason can take 6 - 8 beers and tomorrow I'm literally ******.
Last 1 year - everyday = I wake up, start working. (at home), eat, finish work. Start drinking beer. Evening comes - eat - drink more. Night comes. I regret everything until next midday.
This **** repeats. for more than 400 days. I kind of like some of this, that's why I never saw any doctors just as I did not because I smoke and I like it. I just have these regrets right after I do something bad such as drinking too much or smoking too much ( I have to write it right away or I will not have any regrets anymore
)I don't know what to do nor what is my state, I don't tend to talk to people in general about any of this.
I kept on saying the same **** to many people : Oh yeah I might have quit smoking but I have to admit I never really wanted to quit it. And it's true - I never did. Because I like it.
I don't know what to do, my brain tells me I should close all the ******* google chrome tabs and rush to hospital and another side of it says that I'll wake up and think differently and it will all continue again and again....
Is it even normal/legal to admit I'm writing this after 6 beers on Sunday ? it's 4 in the morning and my fiancee is sleeping and I'm being a typical ****** as I mostly am when I drink.
Please let me know a thing or two - do you think I should see a doctor ? Do you think my stuff is deep ?
Thank you so much to anyone who even reads this, I highly appreciate it. I'm not a native English speaker, forgive me.
Thank you so much,
Lee
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, LeeYoung.
Welcome.
This is great site with lots of support .
Seeing your physician and coming clean re the drinking is a good first step.
He or she may have some helpful thoughts.
Sounds like you would like to find a way forward.
There are many paths to sobriety, and we don’t need to sort them out this minute.
It’s enough that you see that you are drinking a lot and would like to stop.
So..let’s do this together.
This site has monthly classes for the newly sober and those who would like to quit.
May I suggest you join the class of June 2019, and weigh in with that?
Keep posting, keep coming back. Here for you.
Welcome.
This is great site with lots of support .
Seeing your physician and coming clean re the drinking is a good first step.
He or she may have some helpful thoughts.
Sounds like you would like to find a way forward.
There are many paths to sobriety, and we don’t need to sort them out this minute.
It’s enough that you see that you are drinking a lot and would like to stop.
So..let’s do this together.
This site has monthly classes for the newly sober and those who would like to quit.
May I suggest you join the class of June 2019, and weigh in with that?
Keep posting, keep coming back. Here for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 108
Hey Lee. You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age. My advice is quit now, while you are young enough to avoid all the pitfalls of what booze will eventually end up throwing your way. I'm now 41, 15 months sober, and would kill to have 16 years of my life back. You MAY enjoy some of it now, but trust me, it will get worse, fast. I wish I wouldve listened to people back then or paid attention to some of the warning signs. Good luck man.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,316
Hi Lee
I really hope you come back and continue to post. I got to the point I couldn't look myself in the eyes in the mirror I was so ashamed of how I was becoming thanks to my addiction to alcohol.
No one needs to go there. There is life after addiction and it's a very good one - much better than my drinking life
D
I really hope you come back and continue to post. I got to the point I couldn't look myself in the eyes in the mirror I was so ashamed of how I was becoming thanks to my addiction to alcohol.
No one needs to go there. There is life after addiction and it's a very good one - much better than my drinking life
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Thank you, Lee, for sharing your short biography, you sound like an interesting person who has struggled with things and who is facing up with where you stand now.
There's nothing too strange to share here, there are a lot of things that the people here have been through. You can use this place any way you like to explore what it means to live differently, there are lots of ways that people do it. You'll hear from me and from others that we are alike in many ways, while we are also unique, too.
I hope you will stick around.
There's nothing too strange to share here, there are a lot of things that the people here have been through. You can use this place any way you like to explore what it means to live differently, there are lots of ways that people do it. You'll hear from me and from others that we are alike in many ways, while we are also unique, too.
I hope you will stick around.
Sick n tired
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Welcome lee. You went through a lot at a young age and alcohol became your coping mechanism and it worked for a while until it stops working and starts really causing chaos and pain in your life. You are young go see your doctor and there is a way out of how your feeling now. Post again there is a lot of wisdom on this site and so much support. There are meetings you could attend that will help you with your addiction and you can get help and recover welcome again
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,067
Welcome. Thanks for posting. Many of us have seen your story or some flavor of it before. For most of us it did not turn out well. Maybe you are ready to quit or maybe not. In either case please let us know how you are doing occasionally.
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