7.5 months without alcohol and TIRED of AA. *vent/need help*
 

I am 7 months and 13 days without a drop of alcohol. This is the most sobriety I have ever had in my life. I've been going to meetings everyday and I do have a sponsor. I will be starting my 4th step soon. I am just so tired of AA. I feel like I'm wading through quicksand on a daily basis and I'm just really tired of listening to people. I'm not sure if this is my ego, my disease fighting the program, my intellectual capability and overanalyzing/making everything more complicated than it is...

I just see no improvement and I just really don't care anymore. I'm wondering if anyone had these days where they just wanted to throw in the towel because you felt like you weren't getting anywhere.

I feel like with summer here I can't do ANYTHING and everything is mindbogglingly boring. All parties revolve around alcohol in this city or going out to drink. Nobody does anything else. (Trust me, everyone says there are lots of sober people out there...but this is BS, this is a drinking city and if you don't drink there is definitely a level of exclusion or less invites)

I guess poisoning myself won't make other people or places more interesting. Thanks for listening and any advice is appreciated.

What city are you referring to?

Hi Chiquen - have you discussed this with anyone in AA - sponsor or others? Sounds like something that might be harmful if you keep it to yourself?

I remember thinking at times that life was never going to get any better than this - and 'this' wasn't great - but i was wrong.

What changes have you made besides just not drinking?

D

I've had various levels of success with the AA program. I've gotten a lot from it. At the same time I felt like I was following the program really well, yet "it wasn't happening." I wasn't drinking, yet I felt like I was frozen in time at a point in my life I didn't want to be. I had no big picture to focus on, so AA became my big picture. And when I got lonely and depressed, I walked away.

Now that I have a larger set of goals, I go to a few meetings, and am willing to add or drop them as needed. I don't fear an abstract boogeyman of "working a bad program." At the same time I'm open to advice and willing to change and work on myself.

I think some meetings are more social clubs for old-timers. And, honestly, they deserve it. They've put in the time, been through a lot more than we have, and have a lot to share. That been said, I get tired of hearing the same stories and platitudes. I'm going to a regular meeting weekly now, learning faces and names. I find the weekly frequency helps keep me on a schedule, is enough time between meetings to make me want to hear what's going on with everyone, but not so frequent that I get irritated if I hear someone repeat the same story or slogan.

I suppose this is all a long-winded way of saying that it may not necessarily be your addiction telling you to cut down meetings. I'd suggest making a few changes for a predetermined period of time and see how it goes. Journal, reflect, adjust, whatever works for you. I just know for me that trying to stick to a rigid program and expecting it to "just work" kept me from taking a closer look at where I was and making smaller adjustments as needed.

Yes....today! lol

Sorry I don't have any advice, just company in your misery. I'm pushing 6 months and it's basically the longest I've ever been sober too. I hate the summer for the exact same reason.

What's especially tiresome is when I quit drinking, all I can think about is starting again and when i start again all I can think about is quitting. No bueno :(

i attended tons of AA meetings....and rounds ups.....and conferences.....and picnics....camp outs........dances.....no drinking, just sober people having or learning how to fun sober.

i think it also helps to remember.....all those meeting you attend? people are there listening to other people share their story. and i'm sure every one of them has moments where they swear if they have to listen to Old Fred go on and on about losing his old hunting dog Blue one more time.....and yet they stay. maybe they get up and make sure the coffee pot is doing ok, make another pot, but they return to their seat and carry on.

AA goes both ways. we listen. and we share. we help assure there is always a place for the struggling alcoholic to come and be accepted. imagine if a still wet newcomer showed up for their first meeting and no one else bothered to show up.

Hi Dee - yes, I spoke to my sponsor after the meeting I went to today. She said we all have days like this and she's right. I am realizing now that I stayed up until 3am binge watching TV and got poor sleep. That is adding to my issues today, I think. I realized that some days I don't hate AA. It's like I get into this very snobby mode where I hate all the cheesy, ridiculous slogans and really bad medical advice I hear in the rooms. Maybe that's ego.

Changes that I have made besides not drinking - nothing, I guess. I eat, sleep, go to meetings.

That's so funny/true. I think we all have an Old Fred in our meetings. :lmao There are some real characters at the Boston meetings...that's for sure!

I think I am going to say "this too shall pass" for today and try to get to a women's meeting tomorrow. I've heard that 6 to 9 months can be depressing and sluggish from a few other people in my meetings. No pink cloud in sight but I will "keep going".

AA is a great program for the right people. And I do think the meetings, the right meetings for the individual, have in them an amazing set of people with knowledge I desperately needed.

I think if you believe you have a spiritual malady, for which there is a spiritual solution, and you have a higher power, you're in the right place. Maybe at 7 months sober you could scale back on the meetings a bit, or go to some different ones, just to change things up. But you said straight up, this is the longest you have been sober. Something is working. Maybe try some service work, instead of all the meetings....to get a different view. And maybe spend more time with the sponsor, work those steps a little faster....if you both think that might help. The steps are not a race...but dragging on them can delay getting to the good part, ya know?

I'm very careful about sharing my own experience and relationship with AA because it is tailored to my needs and has come to existence through a whole heck of a lot of experience....so in other words, it works for me.

Hello Chiquen81,
I remember early in, being told "Don't give up before the miracle happens".....I didn't want to hear that, I felt stuck, and my thinking went from "I can't do this" one day, to "Oh yeah, I've got this" another one. It does get better. Remember, in "A Vision For You" Page 164, we state that we trudge the road of
happy destiny. Some days that trudge is like putting concrete feet in front of each other, one day at a time, one hour at a time...etc. Working a 4th step is hard work, very hard work, and will open you to a better understanding of this disease that wants to kill us.
Congratulations on 7.5 months! That is huge. Don't give up, you are soooo worth it.
Thank You,
BSA

After nine months I personally am cutting back on the number of meetings I attend. I had been going to meetings every day, occasionally two a day. I am not interested in 'doing the steps' at this point (apart from 1 and maybe 12), I feel they have little to offer me. I realise this approach is not viewed as 'proper sobriety' by some in AA , but those people are, frankly, for the most part obsessed with AA to a degree that I view as unhealthy. Obviously, my views may change but I personally think that the first year is too early to 'do the steps' beyond step 1.

I myself am kind of ambivalent about the steps and also about sharing in meetings now, since I've been there nearly two months and don't have a sponsor/am not working the steps. Sometimes I feel the 'step shares' are a bit much at times.

But chiquen as it's keeping you sober it's prob best to stay as connected as you feel able to (which I do want to do as well). But def you should think about other changes! Exercise, hobbies, etc... Many things can get you outside this time of year beyond parties.

Really glad you're feeling a bit better Chiquen...and yeah I find self care really impacts on me according to whether I'm doing it well or not.

D

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I hope that you can find some things to do in Boston that you really enjoy.

I hope you understand that you are not working the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. You are simply not drinking and attending meetings. For some people that works but it's not the program so if things turn South please don't be that person who blames AA and says the program doesn't work. Working the program by getting a sponsor and working the steps is not obsessive or unhealthy, it's how the program works. If you were to work with a sponsor it would make more sense.

I admit the steps made little sense to me in the beginning also and I saw no use in them and saw no reason for me to do them. I was also too special and unique for them to work for me : ). It took me a year of going to meeting and drinking before the misery was enough that I finally gave in and followed the direction of a sponsor. Lord willing I will have 7 years in August so the program works if you have a good sponsor and put in the work.

chiquen81, please don't stop working the program! Step 4 is where sooooo many people stop because it's the first step that actually requires work. Please don't be that person! Work with your sponsor and get through steps 4 and 5 and I think you will see things differently. Also, you will be at a point to feel confident enough to really start helping others and once you start to share your story and see other peoples lives change is when you really the the benefit of going to those meetings! I have really been terrible about getting to meetings and I really notice how much I miss seeing the change in others and seeing their lives improve.

I started going to AA when I stopped drinking because I had been in Al-Anon for several years, and I had gotten a lot out of that program.
AA was a mixed bag for me. It really depended on the meeting.
I felt the Big Book was dated and didn’t reflect the thinking of 21st century females, and I just couldn’t plumb its essence.
Some of the meetings were dominated, again, my opinion, by men who seemed almost proud of their shenanigans and through it all their wives still wouldn’t leave them. Kind of a badge of honor that your wife stuck with you.
I tried a women’s meeting, but that wasn’t satisfactory either, as we mostly talked about issues with aged parents and not much about the reasons we drank.
I finally found a meeting that I liked.
It was uplifting, goal oriented, didn’t dwell on past misdeeds, and was a diverse group.
AA helped me a lot in early sobriety, and I met some really caring people there.
End of the day, it wasn’t the program for me.
I listen to recovery podcasts, turn back to my Al-Anon affirmations, do a lot of reading about alcohol addiction, and give my worries up to my higher power, which is nature.
And I recognize, every day, that I can’t go back to drinking. I’m done with it, and better off for it.
Good luck.

Chiquen, the solution AA offers is found through doing the stepwork, and not through attending daily meetings.
daily meetings might be good for fellowship and getting out, but as you now see, this doesn’t lead to “improvement”as such.
i’d encourage you to get going on the next step, step 4, do it thoroughly and honestly, and then move on to the rest of the steps.
for me, the most “improvement came after i had done the dreaded step nine amends.
if you have a decent sponsor and are doing the work, you will see positive change.

7.5 months meant I could go forever. I had to make a sober lifestyle. I am still working it.

I exercised a ton my first year or so. I still exercise. I get natural opiates this way.

When I am struggling to breath or feel weight trying to come down on me, it is impossible to crave etc.

Exercise is a therapy and my drug.

If I relapse, I hurt my brain again, I did that so many times before i found sr.

I am pretty sure it is the best way to get and stay well.

Sr taught me.

Thanks.

I have fairly lengthy experience with the results of not doing the steps and with doing the steps. Both of theses experiences took place while attending meetings. This has given me a pretty solid idea on what works for me and what doesn't.

I went 5 years without drinking and attending meetings but without working the steps. I now have 16 years without drinking and attending meetings but have worked the steps.

During the 5 year period without working the steps, before my subsequent relapse, I changed very little other than not drinking. Much of that time, it was a struggle and a fight. Serenity was only a dictionary word.

During the 16 years since working the steps after my relapse, I have changed immensely. I am not going to lie, initially it was a fight and a struggle; but I found that the further I got into the steps, the less of a struggle sobriety was and not drinking was no longer a fight. Today serenity is no longer just a dictionary word. I actually have first hand experience with it. Not all the time by any means, but it is increasing with time.

Another thing I learned through my two different experiences with not drinking, is that meetings will not keep me sober and non-attendance will not guarantee a return to drinking for me. The first part of that about meetings not keeping me sober is fairly obvious, I relapsed. The second part about non-attendance was learned when after working the steps and with a little over a year of sobriety, I moved to an island in the Caribbean where there were no meetings whatsoever.

Meetings are however a valuable tool to me and I am grateful that I once again have easy access to them. The meetings helped me to get over my unease with social interaction. The meetings got me out my comfort zone which is where I generally learn the most The meetings give me a great opportunity to payback the blessings and lessons that were so freely given to me. The most important aspect of meetings for me though is that they provide me with a great mirror in which to reflect upon my progress and recovery. I can go to a meeting and hear someone share about how their cat threw up a hairball. So how is that about recovery? It can be all about my recovery if I pay attention to my reaction to the share. My reaction contains huge amounts of valuable input for me about my progress and my recovery.

At any rate, that is my story and I am sticking to it!