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7.5 months without alcohol and TIRED of AA. *vent/need help*

Old 06-23-2019, 10:00 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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of course it's ego talking, you aren't through the steps, yet. Get through that 4th step and move on with the rest of the steps. For me, step 7 is when I had my spiritual experience.....
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Old 06-24-2019, 03:58 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by chiquen81 View Post
I am just so tired of AA. I feel like I'm wading through quicksand on a daily basis and I'm just really tired of listening to people. I'm not sure if this is my ego, my disease fighting the program, my intellectual capability and overanalyzing/making everything more complicated than it is...

I just see no improvement and I just really don't care anymore. I'm wondering if anyone had these days where they just wanted to throw in the towel because you felt like you weren't getting anywhere.
I never felt like it wasn't worth it, but that's because I was so sick of drinking that everyday sober seemed like a gift. Once I got past the cravings, there was nothing about drinking to lure me back. It's possible that you are still missing drinking or aspects associated with drinking.

I was not into the AA program, but I was actually into the meetings. Surrounded by that much sobriety inspired me and gave me hope. I reworded the steps, and did them on my own in my own way. Many of them I had been doing anyway. It's not like everyone comes to the program bankrupt of all life skills. I picked up some new skills mostly from talking with people about how they dealt with specific issues, the things that were in the way of my personal growth, not necessarily those things that bothered Bill Wilson.

I made a program by me about me, rather than using a program by Bill that focused on Bill's personal issues. Bill and I had different problems. No two people suffer from all the same things. I shared a drinking addiction with Bill, but it pretty much ended there. For example, Bill seemed to be obsessed with morality, and possibly for good reason. I've never felt anything was wrong with my morality. When I violated my own morality, the resulting guilt was strong enough to make me think about it and not repeat it.

Like you, I got tired of listening to some people in the program, but I actively engaged with those happy in sobriety, and listened/talked an equal amount of time. If it is all listening in your group, find a group that is more into two way communication.

I lived in a small drinking town in Montana with a large assortment of bars. If you miss that life, you may not be ready to quit. This is perplexing to me. Why did you quit? Something about the drinking was getting to you to make you take action. People don't just quit when everything seems to be going well. There is something important there that you didn't disclose, or it went over my head.
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Old 06-24-2019, 08:16 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I can relate! I am between six and nine months too. I live in Milwaukee which is a complete drinking culture. Summer fest starts this week in fact. I also recently got fed up with AA. I was starting to want to skip meetings, I was feeling anxious for them to end at times. I’ve heard from others that when we don’t want to go to meetings is when we really need to go to them. For me switching up some on my regular meetings for new ones was helpful. Also asking sober friends to do non-regular AA stuff like going out to dinner or to a movie. I find when I stop going to meetings for a while I end up feeling worse.
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Old 06-24-2019, 09:43 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Was there anything else you ever chased or wanted to chase?

To be honest I found alcohol wasn't enhancing or helping me in the ways I thought it was. It takes a lot of very hard realizations to get there though.

I thought I need it to have fun when I was out...but frankly I can drink a coke and pretend its booze and no-one knows or cares.

I thought I needed it to get girls...nope, actually being sober its way better.

I thought it helped cool me down on a hot day. Water my dude.

I thought it helped pass the time. Games, study, workout, books.

I thought it helped me enjoy good food. Really? Totally ruins it and masks the flavor.

False paradise man.
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Old 06-25-2019, 03:47 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Soooo a few things:

Y'all know what I'm going to say about AA - you have to work the program and do the steps. Otherwise, yeah, you're sober and (maybe) going to meetings and you just aren't going to see the promises come true, for your own life.

Two - I've had ups and downs as far as # mtgs/wk in my almost 3.5 yr sober. Right now, I'm doing 5 and probably adding back my Sun am for a couple of reasons. That's my sweet spot and I know if I dip to 1 or 2....I'm just not as emotionally sober as I can be! Life is better when I go to meetings. Even when I don't want to...

Three- 7.5 mo is awesome and EARLY. People don't like it when I say that, but in the span of a lifetime in recovery (which is what I want) that was indeed early, and I in fact called myself a "newcomer" in some way til almost 2 yr.

Indeed, I saw the dips and so on- and 8 mo and 10 mo and 13 are more memorably "good" than some of the surrounding milestones.

My suggestion circles back to my opening comment: committing to the program is the way to go if you are going to actually "do" AA. If you aren't, then meetings can be a great supplement to another program of your choice. Toe in the water isn't what BB or people with experience or have what I want, nor indeed the approach I have found to a beautiful, perfectly imperfect life.

Just my $0.02. Keep going.
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