Mummyto2

dcg

I'm not encouraging you to tell anyone anything, but unless you were a closet drunk, everyone knows - especially if your boozing friends are light drinkers.

I never made an official declaration, but sure as **** everyone can figure out why I haven't been drinking. For me, though, I don't have people showing up to my home unannounced with booze for all, but that sure would have been nice back in the day!

Abraham

This is weird. What does the year have anything to do with it for one. Also I welcome my friends showing up announced or otherwise. Sure the last few weeks I have not drank but that just me. I have friends who show up at the boat unannounced for a place to party. Even if I'm not even there. I would not expect everyone that wants to come over has to call or somehow announce they were comming over first. I probably would not have many visitors that way. How does this make them crappy? Why would I mind if a friend dropped by. Not everyone is so vulnerable that we have to drink because some friends stop by. We are all different and all have different lifestyles. Suggesting to someone I dont know that their friends are crappy is not part of mine. I'm just confused by this one.

entropy1964

When I lived in California people were far more guarded. Dropping by was not a thing. It took me a while to get used to the place I live now. Much more friendly, open and safe. I remember Mom's I really barely new just letting there kids spend all day at my house without going through the necessary 'security clearances' that I thought were the norm from Cali. Kids run around the neighborhood in groups, often pretty young. I thought "What irresponsible parents". But now I get it. We all look out for each other's kids. Its really an entirely different culture. I don't necessarily practice the same kind of open parenting, but I don't judge it anymore.

I have found most people that stop by with a bottle of wine aren't looking to get hammered or use my house for a place to party. They are adults, just saying hi and doing a very culturally accepted thing, bringing a bevie.

And again, I just don't answer the door. No harm, no foul.

Mummyto2

MyLittleHorsie

Good for you for not drinking!
I frequently have people drop by and bringing beer for dh's beer fridge, sure they do. I have noticed this year dh will have a beer when friends drop by.
It, like everything else gets easier in time. I don't tell people I am an alcoholic. In one group of friends we have, three of us do not drink and none of us have ever asked the other why. It's called, none of anyone's business and the rules of polite company.
At an Easter party there was an adult egg hunt. I participated, took my bottle home and put it in the cabinet. We will offer it when we have a party, or I will stick it in my BIL's stocking at Christmas. No need to make a big deal or make people feel awkward.
Everyone is different, everyone's mileage will differ. I hid my drinking, I don't go out of my way to proclaim my sobriety. My business.

dcg

Because in 2019 it would be rare to find anyone who doesn't have even a T9 phone with text capability to just give a headsup, "brah, swinging by in 20 minutes with a sixer, peace."

Surely you can see the diff between having a party boat where people can show up when you're not there and just randomly knocking up some friend's home?

Btw, I'm not talking about being vulnerable to drinking due to a visit. I'm around booze all the time. Doesn't bother me.

If you're 25, then I get it, but if you're 45 and don't find random unannounced visits to be more of an intrusion than a pleasant surprise, then I think that's pretty unusual.

ReadyAtLast

Totally agree with you. I think it's really ill mannered to turn up at someone's house unannounced, booze or no booze. Especially as you say, we are older, not students going round to each other's student accommodation

But, as has been pointed out, maybe it's a cultural thing. Maybe in some places it is the 'done' thing