ThatWasTheOldMe

The only time I'm happy or have anything to look forward to is when I'm drinking.

I'm 42 days sober today. And I haven't been happy in 42 days.
It's never going to get better.

least

How you feel now is not how it's always going to be. Don't give up! Practice gratitude every day. It will get better.

abgator

Maybe it will, maybe it won't. When we drink as heavily as we do, we're literally causing brain damage. It can take months for the brain to repair itself. I have a friend who said it took him a solid year before he felt "normal" again. Maybe you just need more time.

Or maybe you are at a "normal" state and have a real depression problem and need help, be it psychotherapy or medication.

Get some help.

Toughroad1209

doggonecarl

I think you are suffering from alcoholic misremembrance. I read some of your old posts. You didn't sound like a happy drinker. You sounded like a miserable drinker--not drinking to be happy, but drinking to blot out the misery.

Happiness is an inside job. Start working on it.

djlook

Suffering from self pity was part of my alcoholism. I expected happiness to be dumped in my lap. I was mad at life and resentful of everyone around me because they wouldn't fix me. Taking action, listening and learning from other recovered drunks is what turned my thinking around.

ThatWasTheOldMe

:d :d :d

ReadyAtLast

If you feel really down it may be depression and seeing your doc might help.

But just cos we stop drinking doesn't make us happy. We can't just sit there and expect happiness to just happen.

It comes from within and we have to make it happen. Once I got through my withdrawals I started focusing on what I eat and now I'm focusing on exercise, making sure I walk for at least an hour a day. It helps me feel less down, plus feel a bit healthier. I'm starting to sleep better too and just generally feeling a bit better and a bit happier each day.

Gratitude also helps me. Being thankful for what I've got or done today rather than focusing on what I've not got. Even simple things like the sun was shining today and my son played with his friends all day. Little things like that lift my spirits.

I hope you can start to take steps for your happiness.

Anna

I wonder what other changes you've made in your life besides stopping drinking? Have you added things to do each day that you enjoy?

And, don't discount that you might be depressed and it could be a good idea to talk to your dr.

Delilah1

What are some of the things you enjoy? Did you have hobbies prior to when you started drinking?

entropy1964

What is happy? I mean seriously, what is it?

To me, its a feeling. I have it sometimes....often times not.

I seek a place of contentment. I'm ok. With me. With life. With my decisions. With my work ethic. With my honesty. With my dependability. With my accountability. With my home. With my pets. Etc Etc. If I do ok, I feel ok. And that's good enough. I focus on what I have control over. If I am discontented it usually means I am straying from a value.

I believe that we are taught to be happy all the time. And that something outside of 'us' is there to make us happy. Nope. It all comes from within. I mean, a really good cup of coffee makes me happy. Guess I'm a pretty simple person.

Zombie79

Totally agree with RAL.

I've quit drinking before and felt crap. I've focused on what I missed about drinking. For me it relaxed me but I never knew when to stop and it went from relaxing to making me more depressed, more angry, but that initial buzz was what I wanted more of and I kept drinking to get it but never managed to.
This time round I've actively decided that I'm working on the stuff I wasn't happy with- with my health, my house, my weight. I have changed my routine and honestly, it's taken effort but I'm happy. Waking up and wanting to get out for a morning stroll, not feeling like a load of crap, slowly getting more energy and better sleep and I'm truly thankful for it all. But that's me working at being happy. I'm investing time in improving my mood so for me it's getting out more and not filling my body full of junk. It's only something you can do for yourself.

Mummyto2

Guener

Like Entropy, I strive for a level of contentment rather than the false stimulation that I used to get from drinking (until I passed out). How to get there is a question, for me, of understanding that it was so much worse while I was actively drinking. I am now productive, have things to be grateful for, and I am not screwing up things for myself and for others.

Still, I'm not ever sure of what it means to find happiness from within. That's too vague for me. When I look inward I still see a lot of garbage that needs to be left behind, so I don't dwell on my internal thoughts much. Does that mean that I still draw satisfaction more than I should from external sources/people? Probably so, but I do work on things that I think are valuable for me to direct me toward thinking positively about myself.

After a year of sobriety I'm still working as hard as I was at six months to find meaning in what I do and to make sure that I don't stray from being here every day to reinforce my new habits.

Do I worry about drinking again? Sometimes I do, but I just make a choice not to, regardless of the desire for immediate satisfaction. I'm still very much in recovery and need to work at it diligently to find my contentment.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Meh, I look at engineering job offers around me and realize I'll never pass a job interview. So I'll never use my degree or do something that's enjoyable for my job. So then I think... why not drink? I'm not gonna get anymore sober than this. My failure of a career wasnt due to my drinking. It was due to me being a failure.

dpac414

Aw man, well you know how I feel about all of this.

Tbh, if nothing matters, why not apply for those jobs anyway? Like just do it. Worst that happens is nothing happens. Idk. Set the bar low and who knows.

Also, I'm sure you have *some* interests. For real tho, what music do you like. I've been on a mainstream bangers trip lately and I recently got back into Panic At the Disco from my 15 year old emo days.

I wouldn't drink. You'll just feel like total ass and things will be the same.

least

You sound depressed. But depression can be treated and managed, with meds or counseling. I hope you'll look into getting some help with that. Life isn't meant to be miserable.

elisava

I'm diagnosed bipolar. the bad kind.
when I first got sober, I was unhappy, pissed off, and sorry for myself.
i thought i can't do this without booze. but i took that option off the table, decided if i couldn't live for myself, I'd at least try for other beings.
i took the dog for more walks. i talked with my kids more, and we planned things that i knew i could do. i talked with my partner more, just asking about their day and such.
felt like poopy the whole time. but, gradually, it got better.
I've heard it takes a month to create new habits. i would say it takes longer for us to heal. it takes time, man, and you got to make some sort of effort to heal your neural connections

kiki26

I can only share my experience. I felt the same way many times when I had quit. But it does get better, gratitude every day has helped me with this. Every morning try and think of one thing you are grateful for. It really has changed my thinking.