Depressed and Lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 18
Depressed and Lonely
It's Day #3, but I don't think I'm going to make it. I am so damned lonely and depressed.
I worked all day on my writing, and was really looking forward to a run because for the past 3 days it has poured raining. But - oh no - again i hear thunder and lightning.
I've got to run or I will relapse. I have too much stored tension.
I logged in to email and, as usual, no one has written. Weekends really suck.
Would somebody PLEASE write to me? God, I feel like i have to beg for any crumbs of attention, like i am so damned unworthy. My family of origin hasn't seen me in almost 10 years and they don't give a ****.
When my narcissist mom died in late 2012 - that's when i first started this account on SR - I found out that she had taken out a life insurance policy on me since 1991.
Think about that. Instead of paying for therapy to help me cope (had just earned my PhD, but there were no jobs), she was actually paying out money in hopes of CASHING IN ON MY DEATH.
It's like they all just want me to die, like my two older siblings did, by their own hand.
I need to love myself but I don't know how.
I worked all day on my writing, and was really looking forward to a run because for the past 3 days it has poured raining. But - oh no - again i hear thunder and lightning.
I've got to run or I will relapse. I have too much stored tension.
I logged in to email and, as usual, no one has written. Weekends really suck.
Would somebody PLEASE write to me? God, I feel like i have to beg for any crumbs of attention, like i am so damned unworthy. My family of origin hasn't seen me in almost 10 years and they don't give a ****.
When my narcissist mom died in late 2012 - that's when i first started this account on SR - I found out that she had taken out a life insurance policy on me since 1991.
Think about that. Instead of paying for therapy to help me cope (had just earned my PhD, but there were no jobs), she was actually paying out money in hopes of CASHING IN ON MY DEATH.
It's like they all just want me to die, like my two older siblings did, by their own hand.
I need to love myself but I don't know how.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm sorry you are suffering. You are on day 3. That's great! But so so early. Feeling like poop is normal and to be expected. Your coping mechanism is alcohol and you can't use it now. So yeah, you should almost expect to feel the way you do. No one said its a cake walk to quit an addiction. In order to make it you have to learn new coping mechanism.
Run in the rain. Its actually nice. Or go join a gym...there are really cheap ones now. Or pay the daily rate at one. Lots of options. Go to the mall and walk around and around. Go to a hotel and walk up and down the fire stairs. That is a great way to get your yaya's out. I used to do burpees, lots of them, when feeling like crap and wanting to drink. Do many sets of 10 burpees and you will feel different for sure.
Many of us here have had very hard lives. Have had horrid families of origin. I spent years being a victim and drinking because of that. Or so I thought. It was just my justification for my drinking. I drink because I'm an addict and I knew no other way to live.
In order to grow up emotionally I had to own my own bs. Not blame. Point fingers. Be the victim. That got me no where but in the bottom of a bottle.
I learned that I write my own narrative. I don't have to invite the past to stay in my present and define my future.
Take back your power. Own your today. And don't drink, no matter what, and don't change your mind.
Run in the rain. Its actually nice. Or go join a gym...there are really cheap ones now. Or pay the daily rate at one. Lots of options. Go to the mall and walk around and around. Go to a hotel and walk up and down the fire stairs. That is a great way to get your yaya's out. I used to do burpees, lots of them, when feeling like crap and wanting to drink. Do many sets of 10 burpees and you will feel different for sure.
Many of us here have had very hard lives. Have had horrid families of origin. I spent years being a victim and drinking because of that. Or so I thought. It was just my justification for my drinking. I drink because I'm an addict and I knew no other way to live.
In order to grow up emotionally I had to own my own bs. Not blame. Point fingers. Be the victim. That got me no where but in the bottom of a bottle.
I learned that I write my own narrative. I don't have to invite the past to stay in my present and define my future.
Take back your power. Own your today. And don't drink, no matter what, and don't change your mind.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
I know the feeling of loneliness. I've been single since my divorce 5 years ago, a result of my drinking. My daughter, who I have half the time, is the only reason I'm sober right now. Possibly the only reason I'm still alive. Just gotta hope it'll get better. I don't have any friends to speak of, either. Really just my parents. Loneliness isn't the end of the world, as much as it sucks.
But I do want to offer another perspective. Granted, I don't know your relationship with your mom, but do you have a good reason to think she would actually hope for your death? Insurance is just that...insurance. I have an insurance policy on my 8 year old. Do I want her dead? Of course not. But should the worst ever happen, trying to figure out how to pay for a funeral or worrying about missed time from work and losing income isn't an extra grief I could handle. If I could handle it at all. It's solely for the purpose of being able to attend to the terrible matters at hand should a tragedy happen.
But I do want to offer another perspective. Granted, I don't know your relationship with your mom, but do you have a good reason to think she would actually hope for your death? Insurance is just that...insurance. I have an insurance policy on my 8 year old. Do I want her dead? Of course not. But should the worst ever happen, trying to figure out how to pay for a funeral or worrying about missed time from work and losing income isn't an extra grief I could handle. If I could handle it at all. It's solely for the purpose of being able to attend to the terrible matters at hand should a tragedy happen.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
I'm really sorry you're lonely and depressed. And, I'm sure the weekend seems long.
Have you considered volunteer work? I was so lucky to find an awesome position in very early recovery, and it truly saved me. I thought that I might be able to give something back, but quickly realized, how much I was gaining. I also met some really awesome women who became friends.
Have you considered volunteer work? I was so lucky to find an awesome position in very early recovery, and it truly saved me. I thought that I might be able to give something back, but quickly realized, how much I was gaining. I also met some really awesome women who became friends.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
It is normal to feel so bad on day 3 but it does get better. It won't get better if you drink again as will just stay depressed and keep going through early recovery which will never make you feel better.
As you know alcohol is a depressant. I drank because I was depressed.when I got sober for 3 years I realised alcohol was making me depressed. My depression went after I'd been sober for a few months. But it does take time. Please keep on going through it rather than going backwards.
As you know alcohol is a depressant. I drank because I was depressed.when I got sober for 3 years I realised alcohol was making me depressed. My depression went after I'd been sober for a few months. But it does take time. Please keep on going through it rather than going backwards.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 177
Yeah the weekend s can be lonely, or lonelier , I know my daily power walks are vital for me. Rain or shine I've got to get out in open air. You might get soaked but bowl of how soup after shower and you feel ten times better. Hope you get your run in and remember one day at a time , they feel slow at first but they start adding up pretty quick after a while.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I've been there and still go there sometimes.
Weekends do suck. I hate them. Always have.
You're not alone. Living sober, and well is the best revenge as far as your family goes.
I've fallen into, 'I'm mad at you so I'll show you, I'll get drunk' too many times.
We're all here for you and as you see, we understand. You're not alone.
Keep posting and hang in there, it gets better.
Weekends do suck. I hate them. Always have.
You're not alone. Living sober, and well is the best revenge as far as your family goes.
I've fallen into, 'I'm mad at you so I'll show you, I'll get drunk' too many times.
We're all here for you and as you see, we understand. You're not alone.
Keep posting and hang in there, it gets better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
Originally Posted by Anna 
I'm really sorry you're lonely and depressed. And, I'm sure the weekend seems long.
Have you considered volunteer work? I was so lucky to find an awesome position in very early recovery, and it truly saved me. I thought that I might be able to give something back, but quickly realized, how much I was gaining. I also met some really awesome women who became friends.
Have you considered volunteer work? I was so lucky to find an awesome position in very early recovery, and it truly saved me. I thought that I might be able to give something back, but quickly realized, how much I was gaining. I also met some really awesome women who became friends.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
I think it's awesome you had the awareness to log on and post this! That's about the last thing I have the guts to do when I get in an ugly place.
You know, I wonder how many people in the drinking world or "normal" world aren't actually lonely? Sure, they seem to be having all these interactions and attention, but so many conversations are just people going back and forth trying to one-up and outdo each other. Not all, of course. But I sometimes compartmentalize life and think I'm all alone "in here" and everyone else "out there" in the world is having a great time, with tons of friends, and always something to do.
I think a lot of interactions and activities are a shield to avoid having to take initiative and decide what to do in the absence of habit or obligation. Hence the "selfie" craze. Rather than be, in the moment, so many sell that moment to the egos of others and focus their energy on sending frames of their precious lives down the digital memory hole, remain lonely inside, and don't realize it.
Not that I'd delight in others suffering with this stuff. But I do think there's a lot to be said for sharing what you did and being open to deal with it, because, once dealt with, you, and the rest of us dealing with loneliness, have gained some real, solid, useful information, insights and habits that will make our lives noticably better.
You know, I wonder how many people in the drinking world or "normal" world aren't actually lonely? Sure, they seem to be having all these interactions and attention, but so many conversations are just people going back and forth trying to one-up and outdo each other. Not all, of course. But I sometimes compartmentalize life and think I'm all alone "in here" and everyone else "out there" in the world is having a great time, with tons of friends, and always something to do.
I think a lot of interactions and activities are a shield to avoid having to take initiative and decide what to do in the absence of habit or obligation. Hence the "selfie" craze. Rather than be, in the moment, so many sell that moment to the egos of others and focus their energy on sending frames of their precious lives down the digital memory hole, remain lonely inside, and don't realize it.
Not that I'd delight in others suffering with this stuff. But I do think there's a lot to be said for sharing what you did and being open to deal with it, because, once dealt with, you, and the rest of us dealing with loneliness, have gained some real, solid, useful information, insights and habits that will make our lives noticably better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 78
Hey, I feel you im on day 3 too, having moderate withdrawal, tired, sweat through the sheets in bed.
Im super lonely as well, my gf cheated on me and she was really my only friend here so I feel all alone. Social media helps a bit. Ive detoxed by myself before so I know it will get better. In my experience day 3 is usually when its the worst, day 4 is when u wake up feeling a bit mentally better. Im planning on getting back to my 5 mile run routine which helps extremely, ill get to it tomorrow.
I'm also super bored, but just tell myself to toughen up and get through it. Early sobriety boredom is the worst. So hang in there!
Im super lonely as well, my gf cheated on me and she was really my only friend here so I feel all alone. Social media helps a bit. Ive detoxed by myself before so I know it will get better. In my experience day 3 is usually when its the worst, day 4 is when u wake up feeling a bit mentally better. Im planning on getting back to my 5 mile run routine which helps extremely, ill get to it tomorrow.
I'm also super bored, but just tell myself to toughen up and get through it. Early sobriety boredom is the worst. So hang in there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 18
Mindfulness
Thanks, everybody. I'm feeling much better today. I've been drinking green smoothies. eating big salads, and running. I've got my brain back. Yay!
Hey Magnum: hope you resume running. I run for 30 minutes every day (if there's no lightning). I don't know how many miles that is, definitely not 5. But I always feel terrific afterwards.
I really loved what Brian wrote:
"I think a lot of interactions and activities are a shield to avoid having to take initiative and decide what to do in the absence of habit or obligation. "
Exactly! So much of what we do - including what we think and feel - is simply HABIT. When you really wake up to that fact, it's like stepping out of the Matrix. So much of this conditioning is in the media and entertainment.
But it takes ENERGY to take hold of one's mind and face the fear and take the action anyway. We've got to keep our bodies healthy.
An important part of sobriety should include cutting out or limiting movies. Have you ever seen a movie that did not display drinking alcohol and/or smoking?
Meditation really helps.
Thanks again for your support, everybody.
Hey Magnum: hope you resume running. I run for 30 minutes every day (if there's no lightning). I don't know how many miles that is, definitely not 5. But I always feel terrific afterwards.
I really loved what Brian wrote:
"I think a lot of interactions and activities are a shield to avoid having to take initiative and decide what to do in the absence of habit or obligation. "
Exactly! So much of what we do - including what we think and feel - is simply HABIT. When you really wake up to that fact, it's like stepping out of the Matrix. So much of this conditioning is in the media and entertainment.
But it takes ENERGY to take hold of one's mind and face the fear and take the action anyway. We've got to keep our bodies healthy.
An important part of sobriety should include cutting out or limiting movies. Have you ever seen a movie that did not display drinking alcohol and/or smoking?
Meditation really helps.
Thanks again for your support, everybody.
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