Life is good...I don't understand WHY I do this
 

Why? OMG..

You can't stop drinking unless you are "blessed" with the awakening that you SHOULD stop drinking.

I always WANT to stop...but never feel that magic power in my heart and soul that I CAN.

I always feel like it is going to be an effort...never excited about it or mad enough to stop.

I am MAD enough now..I told my closest friends and family that July is going to be a GOOD and sober life for me....

I needed to make a "commitment" to myself...not just others..
But telling them...helps me to be strong.

But it is NOT about BEING STRONG...It is about getting sick enough to be sick and tired..and about the "blessing" that I pray I receive...

I was sitting on the floor today...defeated...not just by alcoholism...but by the other "life" things..

There is NO REASON for me to feel like that ever again....there is no reason for me to have EVER felt like THAT...its just alcohol playing with my emotions...alcohol increasing my depression..alcohol stealing my happiness.

Was so hard to NOT drink today feeling like crap in the morning so I caved...

I hate this feeling...I hate whining...I need to start the fight....
:headbange

It is not easy. If it was everyone would stop. Prepare yourself for the hard yards. Best wishes from a fellow struggler. I have made four months now and it is still difficult. Try and find some routine.

I understand what you are saying but maybe you're overthinking it a bit.

For me, I just know I have a better life sober and I have to want to be sober more than I want to be drunk. Every day, every night and just take it each day and each night as it happens.

The first few days we do feel rubbish but it passes. you can do this :)

Thanks for the replies..as you know how "lonely" being a mess is.

I know we have to do this for ourselves, and those of us who are alone don't have the distractions of those with spouse/kids, etc., but that's an added challenge for me sometimes. Another lonely day off work or tired evening passes a lot more quickly with a beer or twelve. No, it's not an excuse. But it can be mighty hard to snap out of it when there's no one else around.

I hope you won't let this get you down or stay down. I'm really encouraged by the folks on here who come back after only one day of drinking. When I wasn't on this forum, going back out meant at least a few weeks and usually a few months of binge drinking every few days. And finding yet another meeting where I hoped I wouldn't run in to anyone from the other ones too soon :e052:

Hi Misssy - welcome back :)

I had in my head a whole lot of things that needed to happen before I could stop drinking...no more loneliness, and more self pride, purpose, meaning...

as it actually turned out I quit with none of those things in place, and I stayed quit because initially I was scared of dying, and then I really wanted change,

the funny thing was all the things I wanted to happen happened anyway once I stopped drinking :)

on the 'flipside' of this is that there's no 'added' stressors from others in one's early recovery. It's just you and your recovery. I'd say that's actually easier than having a significant other or kids around. 100% of your free time is available to focus on the current task at hand.

The trouble I found with not having anyone in recovery was whilst I did get to sink 100% into recovery with no distractions, when life situations and people got involved it was much harder to deal with as I had not had practice balancing recovery with real life. No-one can say someone’s journey is easier or harder than another’s, we are all different and our struggles are different. x

I'm sorry you relapsed Missy. I've had a few the past few months too and realized boredom/loneliness were "good" excuses to pick up.
I'm sticking to a routine of exercise classes, where I've met some fun people and am going to start AA meetings again.
Your posts are always so encouraging to me.
Start over and remember how much better it was when you weren't drinking and I shall do the same.

Hi Missy,

Today is a great day to quit. Join us at the June Class thread. I have 6 days myself. You can do it.

Alcohol has been taking from you alot more than it has been giving. The samrt choice is to give up that poison altogether and then you can enjoy good health and build a new life that you can be proud of.

Those bad emotions are caused by the alcohol. Make a plan to quit and then get started ASAP. Everyone that quits always says the same thing "This is great but God, how I wish I had done it sooner? Why did I waste so many good years?"

So thats why I invite you to quit today or quit tomorrow at the latest. Life is too short to waste on boozing and then feeling ashamed

Hello, Missy! I've missed you! You are strong. I believe in you, and you know we are here for you-- just like you've been there for so many of us.

One day at a time. A wise person not too long ago suggested watermelon and pedialyte to help the first few days :)

Nice work on 4 months, one of the toughest times in a quit. I see so, so, so many people give up at 4 months. I used to, over and over. I’m at 21 months now and it’s so much easier.

Time. When enough time passes, it gets easier.

Keep posting and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hi, Missy.
Just wanted to see how you're doing:) I'm thinking of you.