Feeling suicidal on Day 3
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by KissMyTiara 
You said you own your home. You are wayyyyy ahead of the game. And a stock investment is just paper gains/losses until you sell.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Purina, I'm so happy you came here to talk through your concerns.
The voice in your head has only one purpose ... to beat you down low enough to make you drink. Don't listen to it, it's lying to you.
I hope you make it to a meeting. It's not good to isolate.
Please remember, you are loved here.
The voice in your head has only one purpose ... to beat you down low enough to make you drink. Don't listen to it, it's lying to you.
I hope you make it to a meeting. It's not good to isolate.
Please remember, you are loved here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
See if you can put a '-20% stop loss' on your investment and in a worse case scenario,sell your home and start fresh in life. Continued drinking will continue to add difficulties to an already difficult situation. I had to stay clear headed, swallow my pride/ego and dig myself out of the mess I had made. It wasn't God, insurance,ECT... It was all MY willful doings. Personal ownership was needed for me to get/stay sober.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: London
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by djlook
Hello, Purina
Suicidal thoughts and untreated alcoholism go hand in hand. It's the disease talking to you. Untreated alcoholism takes away homes, marriages, financial security, priceless friendships, family, careers, any and everything good will go down the drain. The root cause, for me, was untreated alcoholism. I got sober in AA. I cried in meetings, before meetings, after meetings, and during meetings because I felt hopeless.. I had the perception that I was a strong person, but alcoholism is a disease I couldn't get well from it on my own, and it became the persuader. I found hope by being around other alcoholics who had walked the same road as me.
I have a son who just got out of treatment three months ago for depression and alcoholism. What got him to treatment was an unsuccessful attempt to take his life by overdosing three times in a week. He's 45 years old. When he didn't die from the overdose, he told the hospital staff he didn't want to die anymore, that he wanted to live. My best friend's son just not too long ago took his life. He was a dentist with a good practice, a beautiful loving family, yet, he was alcoholic. This disease is no respecter of persons.
You mentioned a couple of things you can do, AA meeting or the Crisis Center. From the outside looking in, both of them sound like they would give you maybe just that little glimmer of hope that you need right now.
Please consider your options. There are alternatives.
Suicidal thoughts and untreated alcoholism go hand in hand. It's the disease talking to you. Untreated alcoholism takes away homes, marriages, financial security, priceless friendships, family, careers, any and everything good will go down the drain. The root cause, for me, was untreated alcoholism. I got sober in AA. I cried in meetings, before meetings, after meetings, and during meetings because I felt hopeless.. I had the perception that I was a strong person, but alcoholism is a disease I couldn't get well from it on my own, and it became the persuader. I found hope by being around other alcoholics who had walked the same road as me.
I have a son who just got out of treatment three months ago for depression and alcoholism. What got him to treatment was an unsuccessful attempt to take his life by overdosing three times in a week. He's 45 years old. When he didn't die from the overdose, he told the hospital staff he didn't want to die anymore, that he wanted to live. My best friend's son just not too long ago took his life. He was a dentist with a good practice, a beautiful loving family, yet, he was alcoholic. This disease is no respecter of persons.
You mentioned a couple of things you can do, AA meeting or the Crisis Center. From the outside looking in, both of them sound like they would give you maybe just that little glimmer of hope that you need right now.
Please consider your options. There are alternatives.
A sucidal thought is just a dark shadow in our mind .We live by our thoughts and thoughts can be changed.Initially it may need some professional help to stop a shadow or alter the thoughts ,later we can do ourselves .First of all we have to accept our problem and seek of right and be ready to cry ,laugh or d whatever emotions you feel.That gives a clear indication of your problem to helping /supporting people.And healing starts ....say 1,2,3 and act immediately ...seek help ..
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
* You are a loser
* You are a dummie
* You cant do anything right
* You have screwed up everything good inside your life
* Your best years are behind you, only pain and suffering await you now
* You are ugly, nobody likes you
* Youre a creep and a wierdo
* Your too stupid to make a decent salary or learn a new trade
* Nobody cares if you live or die. You are irrelevant
* The world will be a better place after you are gone
* You are a disgrace to the family name
And so forth......All day long just negativity x1000
* You are a dummie
* You cant do anything right
* You have screwed up everything good inside your life
* Your best years are behind you, only pain and suffering await you now
* You are ugly, nobody likes you
* Youre a creep and a wierdo
* Your too stupid to make a decent salary or learn a new trade
* Nobody cares if you live or die. You are irrelevant
* The world will be a better place after you are gone
* You are a disgrace to the family name
And so forth......All day long just negativity x1000
Not one of them is true today. If in fact many were true at the time.
Purina ~ you are no dummy. You are smart as a whip, and you feel understandably foggy right now....withdrawal can really kick our butts.
You are a lovely person with a massive amount to give....you have already impacted us all here in such a short time.
I have body dysmorphia....there is kind of nothing wrong with how I look, but I see ugly. I have spent a lot of times stuck in bathrooms in my life....literally ruined jobs over it. It's not fun to have this kind of anxiety....or any of the things we all have to deal with. And you have a lot on your plate....it feels impossible. I understand....I was also in that boat. I was positive that it was a sinking ship with no hope of a life raft. I was wrong.
I was alone and 49 and my life was over...now I live across the world married to an SR. Miracles happen in sobriety. Truly.
And I am very glad you adopted that dog. The cat in my avatar, Venus, quite literally saved my life. Because she was the only reason I stayed in the world when I was desperate to leave. I am glad you are here and talking to us, and yes you can cry in an AA meeting...pretty sure tissues are as frequent as cakes in AA...
I know I cried a river all over the place for months. Inside meetings, outside meetings, in the car, while I was cleaning (oh yeah, I had to clean houses to eat as I had pretty much destroyed my career)....and I am still working all of that part out, but it is OK. Everything is OK because there is nothing I can't deal with sober. It will get better Purina. Really it will.
s xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
Just to update this thread I was able to stay sober until today (Day 4) and I won the court case because the officer did not show up.
And the stock is up by $1 compared to yesterday. Thank you all for the love and support.
And the stock is up by $1 compared to yesterday. Thank you all for the love and support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by Purina
Just to update this thread I was able to stay sober until today (Day 4) and I won the court case because the officer did not show up.
And the stock is up by $1 compared to yesterday. Thank you all for the love and support.
And the stock is up by $1 compared to yesterday. Thank you all for the love and support.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,643
Purina,
You sound like me. All of it, including losses on the financial markets.
The thing is, you have to really know what you're doing to take positions in the markets. If you don't really know what you're doing, you won't know if a drop in price is likely to be permanent or temporary. In my honest opinion, if you're questioning your sanity in the whole thing, you probably don't know entirely what you're doing and it's going to be best for you in the long run to just take your money and get out of the investment.
I was day trading when I got sober this last time and I took some losses. I got suicidal and even went to the gun store. Ended up in the liquor store instead. Then went to detox. When I got out of detox, I went back to work HVAC with my dad. I haven't taken a trade since. And I haven't taken a drink since.
I don't plan to stop trading forever. In fact, on my spare time, I work on my own algorithmic trading "startup." I plan to use my computer to eventually trade for me while I'm working.
You’re not an idiot for trying to invest in the stock market. A lot of people take trades that go bad. You just need to have a plan and a reason behind every decision – buy or sell. And trying to deal with that sort of stress when you’re also trying to get sober is a recipe for disaster. If it was me, I would sell at a loss for my own sanity and do better next time when I’m secure in my sobriety and I know exactly what I’m doing.
Mental clarity and general well-being are a big part of being successful otherwise in life (including investments). Just get and stay sober; don't try to live off stock market returns if you don't seriously know what you're doing. Learn from my boo-boos.
You sound like me. All of it, including losses on the financial markets.
The thing is, you have to really know what you're doing to take positions in the markets. If you don't really know what you're doing, you won't know if a drop in price is likely to be permanent or temporary. In my honest opinion, if you're questioning your sanity in the whole thing, you probably don't know entirely what you're doing and it's going to be best for you in the long run to just take your money and get out of the investment.
I was day trading when I got sober this last time and I took some losses. I got suicidal and even went to the gun store. Ended up in the liquor store instead. Then went to detox. When I got out of detox, I went back to work HVAC with my dad. I haven't taken a trade since. And I haven't taken a drink since.
I don't plan to stop trading forever. In fact, on my spare time, I work on my own algorithmic trading "startup." I plan to use my computer to eventually trade for me while I'm working.
You’re not an idiot for trying to invest in the stock market. A lot of people take trades that go bad. You just need to have a plan and a reason behind every decision – buy or sell. And trying to deal with that sort of stress when you’re also trying to get sober is a recipe for disaster. If it was me, I would sell at a loss for my own sanity and do better next time when I’m secure in my sobriety and I know exactly what I’m doing.
Mental clarity and general well-being are a big part of being successful otherwise in life (including investments). Just get and stay sober; don't try to live off stock market returns if you don't seriously know what you're doing. Learn from my boo-boos.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,643
Also, I call myself a worthless loser every day. I often have suicidal thoughts. But I'm also sober now for... 39 days!
And I work every day. And I'm slowly working on being a better me.
//* You are a loser
* You are a dummie
* You cant do anything right
* You have screwed up everything good inside your life
* Your best years are behind you, only pain and suffering await you now
* You are ugly, nobody likes you
* Youre a creep and a wierdo
* Your too stupid to make a decent salary or learn a new trade
* Nobody cares if you live or die. You are irrelevant
* The world will be a better place after you are gone
* You are a disgrace to the family name //
I get every last one of those thoughts too. It's my addiction whispering to me, trying to get me to go back to the depths of drinking
No thanks.
And I work every day. And I'm slowly working on being a better me.
//* You are a loser
* You are a dummie
* You cant do anything right
* You have screwed up everything good inside your life
* Your best years are behind you, only pain and suffering await you now
* You are ugly, nobody likes you
* Youre a creep and a wierdo
* Your too stupid to make a decent salary or learn a new trade
* Nobody cares if you live or die. You are irrelevant
* The world will be a better place after you are gone
* You are a disgrace to the family name //
I get every last one of those thoughts too. It's my addiction whispering to me, trying to get me to go back to the depths of drinking
No thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 23
Hope you are feeling better today Purina? You mentioned your dog...he or she needs you. Any time you feel even close to doing anything bad to yourself just look into your dogs eyes and think about what that would do to them. We have a responsibility to our animals, and ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Glad the traffic case went well. And.. if it makes you feel any better, when I was in the 'thick' of my addictive lifestyle,about 6yrs ago. I got drunk and sold half of my Amazon shares at $248/ea(minus fees) to keep on partying. I'm still a bit sensitive to that mistake.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
I read your list and remembered to "turn it around" so I did.
Here:
* I am a winner; I might just be a late bloomer
* I can make better decisions
* I can do things right, I just need some time to prove it to myself
* Good things can still come to me
* Pain will be necessary for my growth; my suffering will lesson since I am not making more drama for myself
* I’m okay just the way I am and I am learning to love myself
* I am learning how to be my authentic self and I’m okay just the way I am
* In sobriety, I have gotten jobs and each one has been a step up from the other and I have learned many new things; I am realizing my dreams
* I am important and I am a necessary and worthwhile person on this planet; I have something to offer this planet and it’s people and I will find out what it is before I die
* I refuse to predict why I am alive and I will do my best each day to stay sober and be a productive member of society
* I am alive and have been given the gift of grace; my family name can become outstanding again, if I work for it
There was something cathartic in writing the opposites, maybe you can try it! Being sober gives us a new perspective on life. We don't have to feel that crappy anymore! Sending you love and hugs!!
Here:
* I am a winner; I might just be a late bloomer
* I can make better decisions
* I can do things right, I just need some time to prove it to myself
* Good things can still come to me
* Pain will be necessary for my growth; my suffering will lesson since I am not making more drama for myself
* I’m okay just the way I am and I am learning to love myself
* I am learning how to be my authentic self and I’m okay just the way I am
* In sobriety, I have gotten jobs and each one has been a step up from the other and I have learned many new things; I am realizing my dreams
* I am important and I am a necessary and worthwhile person on this planet; I have something to offer this planet and it’s people and I will find out what it is before I die
* I refuse to predict why I am alive and I will do my best each day to stay sober and be a productive member of society
* I am alive and have been given the gift of grace; my family name can become outstanding again, if I work for it
There was something cathartic in writing the opposites, maybe you can try it! Being sober gives us a new perspective on life. We don't have to feel that crappy anymore! Sending you love and hugs!!
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